Ma Art Therapy Research & Enquiry

This blog conveys images that I made whilst working in a therapeutic setting. it represents various emotions that I experienced during my three years art therapy training course. All my artworks were inspired from working with different children, adolescents and their family problems. Engaging in the art making process with divers children, adolescents and their family and making my own art helped me to understand clients transference and counter-transference. It helped to reach better outcomes. It helped me to stay mentally healthy whilst working with difficult cases.  The placements took place in a secondary school, Pupils Referral Units and at CAMHS (Child and Adolescents Mental Health Services Tier 3). 

I am back on track preparing for my last Academic year. Last academic year was frantic and completely crazy. I became a teenager projecting all their frustration all over the places. I spread my unconscious onto the white paper and walls. I was loosing my boundaries! Countertransference with adolescents is inevitable. This was a response to my last academic placement. A Pupils Referral Unit.

It was an amazing experience. It was unpredictable and I loved every minute.

Now I am carrying on studying but this time, I will be part of a disciplinary team. My placement is based at CAMHS.

Studying, reading, writing, thinking, processing, images making, engagement with visual media and new clients will be a challenging journey. On top of all those intellectual activity, I have to visit lots of galleries.

I will discuss current theory, case studies,may be not, as my case study is confidential, literature reviews and other professional issues.

Reviewing interesting articles, books, exhibitions, etc. that will inform, influence and challenged my ideas about my practice and working in a new setting.

It seemed that I am developing slowly my self critical research. Oh Iain and Steve would be so happy to know that I am developing the skills learnt in their course!

Dear Blog,

Lets get on carrying updating my blog.

As I said before I am working on this emotional bibliography and have made a new photo and copied the photo with traditional art materials. I noticed that this way of working is helping me to see what kind of unveiling feelings comes through different creative techniques. I wonder if this way of working can be use as a therapeutic mode to work with adolescents with self-esteem issues and who are affected with other behaviour emotional problems. I will develop further this research within my practice.

Photo made by SLB. September 2013

Dear Blog,

After staying up late, very late! Here I am to keep updating my blog.

Quick debrief about why I am keeping a blog.

I am writing and recording experiences to see how I am developing as trainee art therapist. In 14 months, I hope to graduate as an art therapist and work mainly with adolescents. 

I am engaging with traditional art materials and visual art media and create images who I am processing. This enables me to grow.

I must tell you it is not always easy engaging with all this creative art materials because I am going through powerful emotional feelings while creating images.

I hope YOU followers are enjoying following me. Thank you for your support it means a lot to me :-)

For the one I follow, you are doing amazing art work too. Please keep being creative because your images will sometimes make a statement and it will influence what you will become.

Hi Blog,

It is interesting to see how the result of making this image at Uni as triggered some unconscious angry feelings.

In the evening, I made three other drawing. One after another. Slowly my drawing became less childlike! Although my drawing was still holding some childhood technique: using sparkling to make it shine, the style was younger, as if I was 16 years old. I started to draw myself with more details too, and draw my full body. I noticed that I also added wings, I wonder what it means? I became to feel more relax as my face became older. Some symbolic elements appeared coming back such as my camera, the sea, the sun, the annotation. I noticed that my first three drawing had a frame around the image. As if the image needed to feel safe maintaining strong boundaries.

Photo made by SLB. September 2013.

All this process of making a self-portrait did unveiled powerful emotions. Emotions which came from my childhood and my adolescence. I became motivated and lead myself being angry through the creative process of making my self-portrait. My beautiful angelic smile disappeared and was replaced with a mouth who was not smiling.

The drawing was infantile, I found it hard to accept my own reflection. Slowly my drawing matured and resembled more of an adult drawing. I was able to let go my anger and fixation of having a small child in my inner world.The art making helped me to be tolerant towards my emotions and helped me to grow.

Creating my image in my own studio without being looked at enabled me to go deep with my personal development.

Hi Blog,

As I am researching about my autobiographic inner feelings. I decided to pursue with the self-portrait, but this time using traditional art materials. This image was created in the University art studio with the group.

Photo made by SLB. September 2013.

This self-portrait was made after a long summer break. It was my first day back at Uni. the drawing took place in the art therapy experiential group practice.

This image was made under a directive session. Requesting to share something about ourselves.

What happened before the image took place?

It took me some times before I could start to think about what I wanted to share with my group and what to draw about myself! Eventually I went to get some art materials which are placed in the big cupboard. Without thinking, I reached for dry pastels and took a big paper.

What happened during the process of making the image? 

I started to draw my face, realising that I had lost practicing drawing but this did not stop me to carry on drawing! I felt content and I was absorbed by my drawing. I did not look at my peers. I felt all alone as if nobody was in the studio. I did not talk. The studio was silent with the exception of hearing brush stroke, cutting etc...

I enjoyed smudging the colours together. Once my picture was finished, I went back to the art materials cupboard and got some scissors! I decided to cut out some of the wave, to let an empty gap between each wave! I followed the wave movement. 

My general feelings or mood:

I am excited while engaging with the traditional art materials and making my self-portrait. 

What thought came up:

I was thinking that I wanted to create a perfect drawing. The image looked good but I really had an issue with my drawing style. I felt that the style was childlike comparing to other people in my class. I thought that the drawing style was unveiling my childhood like as if this child inside me was forcing to come out through my drawing.

Content of the image:

A smile self-portrait, I looked younger from what I am now. Inside my body I made three squares. The one on the right hand represents the present, it contains a big red heart. The square in the middle has a star and has an annotation, past 4G of F. The square on the left is filled with a grid filled with letters. Around the square I also made some question marks and wrote some words which are questioned. These words are: Health, Art, Live long... There is also one music note, the beamed note and the g clef. Underneath these three squares, there is a big camera with directional arrows. At the bottom of the page there is something who looks like part of an organ. In the background there is the sea, an agitated sea.

Description of the image: I will not share this on my blog because I do want to keep some of these information for myself and really take my own time to understand the symbols and process it. 

Positive outcomes:

The positive outcome of making a self-portrait with traditional art materials is that my drawing has lots of informations. It helps me to see whom I am and how complex I am too. I draw like a child, which is something I need to question further. I notice that there iare more information in my drawing then in my photo.

Negative outcomes

The negative outcomes of making this image is that I fund out that I was not happy at all with my drawing style and became angry about it.

Reflection:

Self- portrait, the beginning of a self-research. Working with creative visual media and traditional creative art materials.

Photo made by SLB. September 2013.

It took me a while to set up the lighting. I wanted to work with the lighting contrast.

I took different poses and used the self timer. Ten seconds to get ready!

What happened before the photo shoot?

I had in mind for a while that I wanted to take some picture of myself. It took me a while to set up my photographic materials and the lighting. I used a tripod, my Canon and lightings. I posed few times in front of the camera. I played with the zoom going forward and backwards pausing in front of the camera. This took a while. I was patient and excited too. I knew what I wanted to capture. I felt the need to be in control, to be perfect while executing my work. This seemed to become a ritual. My main priority was to get the right lighting making a contrast image and get it right!

I took different poses and used the self-timer. I had ten seconds to get ready! I fund the process slow! As soon as the little green light stopped flashing, I rushed excited to my camera and wondering what would be the result. I was happy with some results but also disappointed and first erased straight away the picture I did not like. This process of finding out what was the result made me realised that I was looking for a perfect angle, lighting and mainly a perfect image of myself which I could accept. I wanted to make an image who conveyed my feelings. I started to wonder about my inner-self and my self-esteem because I kept deleting the photos I took!

How did I look?

I can see that I am bright from the outside. My eyes are close down as if I am sleeping under the sun light. I think this image is 'authentic' and seemed to represent myself well. The background is pitch black! This image seemed to reflect the state of mind I was while capturing myself.

Body Language:

My head is looking up.

My general feelings or mood:

I am excited while making this photo shoot. I noticed as the work develop I became calmer.

What thought came up:

I was thinking that I wanted to create a perfect image. The process helps me to accepte my identity, even if I did not always like the image.

I am learning to stay with my negative feelings trying not to delete the image I do not like. 

Positive outcomes:

The positive outcome of making a self-portrait helped me to look at myself. It helps me to see whom I am. It seem that I am taking the risk to look into myself. Discovering what I want to let myself see. It showed me that I only wanted to see my good appearances.

Negative outcomes

The negative outcomes: I fund out that I was still a perfectionist. I fund hard to accept my own imperfections, my own image!

Reflection:

I am revealing myself to myself by viewing myself. This process let me questioning myself about my own image. I am allowing to communicate with myself. I am wondering about what is the meaning of my photo. What is it that I want to project? I am wondering about the big dark background! I am wondering if the black background might reflects my internal world, this is something I would like to think about and develop further. Could this technique be use as a form of therapeutic insight  in my practice while I am working with yound adolescents who have self esteem issues? I think working with self-portrait could help my clients to understand their own self, it helps to communicate how they might feel about themself and  help them to build self esteem because you start an internal dialogue with yourself. It can be a painful process while viewing the image. It can become a positive process while you are slowly learning to accept what you see. It is a mental process and it helps to make sense of who I am.

Hi blog,

I have been very busy and returned to Uni and started my second part time year studying for my Ma in Art therapy. I have a new placement too. Lots off writing to do but also it is time to be creative :-)

The first part of the module is an Experiential Art Therapy. The module aims are to aid developing relationship with our artistic practice. It helps also to understand the art therapy process. I must also consider some artistic influences. I have to keep as well a journal. I will use my blog for this purpose. My journal will serve to inform my end of the year presentation. 

 My aims are:

1. Further engage with image-making as a method of expression and exploration of feeling and meaning.

2. Increase my experience with a range of approaches to art therapy through experiential learning.

3. Further develop a capacity to reflect on my own and other's images within a visual arts context.

4. Expand my understanding of art practice and its relation to contemporary art therapy.

We were given a directive subject to work with, to make an autobiography.

I will have to think about major events from my past life.This will help me to create images which reflects some emotions from my past. The process of thinking about certain events will stir up and unveiled some emotional unconscious feelings  while creating images. My autobiographic images revealed aspect of my life such as loss, illnesses, betrayal, violence, sexuality, vulnerability and raw emotions. I thought about different artists such as Tracey Emin,  Jenny Savill, Dali and J. Pollock and many more artists.