explo

I know figure skating is a girly sport but I felt weird seeing myself move intentionally "pretty". It gave me a weird feeling in my gut.

Do I still move like that? I don't want that. It was fine for back then because that was the point. but if I start feeling too girly, too feminine, in my everyday life I feel... wrong. Like the world tilts sideways and I have to adjust myself so I don't trip.

I don't usually have gender dysphoria, which is why I always treated my gender like "oh I guess this is the shitty hand I got dealt. Oh well". But this thought is stuck in my head like a thorn in my side.

I'll be walking or in public or just existing and suddenly think "am I being too girly right now?"

I don't like it. I prefer when I just don't think about my gender because it's too much to deal with on top of the other shit i have to endure.