Expat in 'Schland

Your friend group is like, “Why would he…? OH”

Not just Rentenversicherung and Krankenversicherung, but also Haftpflicht, Unfallsversicherung, Hausratsversicherung, Rechtschutzversicherung, Handyversicherung, Arbeitsunfähigkeitsversicherung, Doppelversicherung, Bananenschalestolperungsrisikoversicherung, Apokalypseversicherung, you name it,  

EXPAT CONTEXT:

At some point, when you are living and thriving in this darling, bratwurst loving country, the subject of conversation will turn to insurance. 

Now, in US/UK/IE, you know how important health insurance is, and you know you should get a private pension fund set up eventually (”sometime soon I’ll spend a few hours researching this... sometime that is not right now as this cat video is suddenly of vital importance to my well being”). 

But, dear expat, when you speak to Germans about insurance, you will realize just how out-gamed you have been your whole life in this battle of risk-aversion.

 I think the best example of this is Haftpflicht--literally everyone I know in Germany has this, from my lawyer/dentist/corporate folk friends who you would expect to have it, to my my old beloved punk, smoke-weed-everyday, on-their-6th-year-of-finishing-their-bachelors-degree-weil-geil-und-warum-nicht housemates, who I was surprised to find also saw this insurance as a “must-have”. Meanwhile, I hadn’t even heard of “liability insurance” until I moved to Germany and put the word “Haftpflicht” into Dict.cc . Of course, as a single human I am not the benchmark of all things US/UK/IE culture, but if I ask any of my other friends from those countries about this, the fewest of them have heard of the existence of such an insurance, let alone have it. The closest some people get is vacation insurance, and even then, only the responsible-type friends see those as a worthwhile extra. When I note this paradox to my German friends, one of them invariably responds with something à la “What!? But what happens if, for example, you are at a party and accidentally break the host’s stereo?” Well, if you are not a douchebag, you cough up the $300. 

I am not saying that having Haftpflicht or any of the other insurances is bad/silly (indeed, having them is super responsible! There are few arguments you can reasonably make against having them). I just wonder what the (historical? cultural?) reasons are behind the widespread mania for all this risk-coverage is, especially among young people whose counterparts in other countries would never have heard of those kinds of coverage, let alone feel the need to pay monthly for it. Is it a form of cultural realism/pessimism (”Shit is always bound to happen; might as well be covered.” versus the American optimism of not even thinking about something potentially breaking in the vague future?) 

but then realize the buses are more punctual, air conditioned and less packed than the train cars they are replacing, it’s like,

I’m like,

But... it’s my own bday... 

Expat Context:

Birthday Cake etiquette is quite different in Germany vs. US/UK/IE. 

In Germany, it’s on you to bring in the cake to the office, or to provide the majority of alcohol at your party; I’ve even been to birthday dinners where the birthday kid paid for the whole tab. 

In US/UK/IE, it’s on (nice) colleagues to bring in a cake for you, and in the case of a birthday dinner, the bill for the birthday person’s dinner is usually split between the other guests there, so little to no expense falls upon the birthday person. 

Interestingly, both of these approaches to birthday fanfare have to do with views of egos--in Germany, the thinking is “It’s my birthday, and I am asking people to go out of their routine because of me, therefore it is polite and on me to make a cake or provide beer or pay for this dinner. Expecting someone else to do it would be egotistical.”

In the US, on the other hand, bringing in your own cake would seem, paradoxically, somewhat narcissistic ( à la “It is my birthday and now you must celebrate it.”) The thinking is that it is your day, and your friends/family should be treating you extra special--if you come in announcing with cakes etc it is your birthday, it is like you are forcibly reminding everyone that they must treat you extra special that day, whether they planned to or not.  

HAVING SAID THAT, everyone loves cake. So whether it’s your birthday or your friend’s birthday or no one’s birthday at all...

I’m like,

I’m like,

is like,

is like,

Expectation:

Reality:

Dying, so true...

I’m like,