EXO & NCT SCENARIOS

“I’ll give you my notes after the lecture.” She laughed, as she turned her attention back to the professor, who was still talking about the topic at hand.

 The professor changed the slide on his presentation and Anastasia lowered her head to continue her note taking.

“Woah, dude, she looks like you.” She heard Jongdae whisper from beside her. 

 Anastasia raised her head in confusion and looked at Jongdae, who pointed his head at the screen. On the presentation was a painting of a few people who were presumed to be witches; in the middle stood a young girl with long brown hair tied in plaits, her head slightly lowered to look at her hands where small beams of light were protruding from her fingers.

“I didn’t know there were any paintings that actually showed the witches magic.” Jongdae whispered to Anastasia, awestruck.

“But, that can’t be real.” Anastasia exclaimed, slightly louder than she had hoped for as the people sitting in the rows in front of her turned around.

“It looks like Anastasia.” Someone from the front row told the professor, as Anastasia shrunk back into her chair, hoping the attention would be diverted from her.

“So we’ve found your doppelgänger in the past.” The professor smiled. “It was always said that people who have doppelgängers have often got unfinished business in the past and are now doomed to forever be reborn until they solve whatever they have been trapped on earth for.”

Anastasia sat bewildered; she couldn’t believe any of it.

“It’s just a coincidence.” She told herself and Jongdae.

“Don’t worry Anastasia; I’m only trying to scare you. Now back to the presentation.”

“Hey, Anastasia.” Junmyeon shouted to her after she left the lecture hall.

“Junmyeon, I have something to do. I’m going to my dorm.” Anastasia walked past him, which prompted him to follow her.

“I have to find out more about this girl.” Anastasia sighed while booting up her laptop.

“More about who?” Junmyeon asked, confused.

“During the lecture, we saw this supposed witch who looked exactly like me. It wasn’t just a slight resemblance, it was uncanny. Then our professor started talking about this whole rebirth thing and I don’t know what to believe anymore.” She rushed an explanation towards Junmyeon as she opened the search engine.

Junmyeon was silent as he watched Anastasia try to search for this person from the past. Eventually, Anastasia found something.

“Here! It’s the painting.” She moved closer to Junmyeon and showed him the laptop, with the picture.

Junmyeon stared at the laptop screen intently, flicking his eyes up to glance at Anastasia every so often.

“It’s just a coincidence.” He concluded eventually, turning the laptop screen back towards Anastasia. She sighed in disbelief and brought her attention back to the picture, clicking on it to learn more about it.

“Her name was Agnes Payne. She was born in 1592 and died in 1611, she was burned at the stake for being a ‘witch’.” Anastasia explained to Junmyeon. “She was 19.”

“Wow. Spoopy. You’re 19 now, let’s hope you don’t get executed.” Junmyeon joked, poking her side.

“Shut up!” Anastasia laughed and pushed his hand away.

“Seriously though, she’s probably just some relative of yours.” Junmyeon sat back on her bed.

Anastasia skim read through the page, looking for any other useful information. 

“Nope. No children. She was never married, which was highly uncommon for women of her age at that time; She would have been classed as a spinster.” Anastasia said matter-of-factly.

The sound of knocking made them both raise their heads. Anastasia walked over to the door and turned the handle, opening it slightly so she could shut the door quickly if the guest was unwanted.

“Hey, Anastasia. I was wondering if you had the notes from today’s lecture.” It was Jongdae.

Sighing, she opened the door and gestured for him to come in. Junmyeon looked up at the unexpected guest and gave him a forced smile. Jongdae hesitated and turned to Anastasia.

“I didn’t know your boyfriend was here, I’m sorry. I’ll come back later.” Jongdae awkwardly began to walk towards the door.

“He’s just a friend.” Anastasia quickly explained and Junmyeon’s face fell.

Shaking hands with Junmyeon, Jongdae introduced himself. Anastasia went to grab her notes for Jongdae, when Jongdae suddenly laughed.

“You’ve been looking up this girl then?” He asked her.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I? It was interesting.” Anastasia shrugged.

“Do you actually believe that whole thing about rebirth?” Jongdae pried.

“No, not necessarily. It’s just too much of a coincidence to ignore.” Anastasia walked over to Jongdae and took the laptop from his hands.

Jongdae nodded and took the notes Anastasia had placed on the bed beside him.

“It’s good to see we’re on the same page. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Jongdae waved and left the room.

“So, do you two have a thing?” Junmyeon asked once he was sure Jongdae was far down the hall and the door was closed.

“What is it with people and my love life?” Anastasia sighed. “But no, he doesn’t swing that way.”

“Come to the library at 5.” Yixing had told Anastasia. She sat at one of the desks, scrolling idly through web pages. Her investigation of Agnes had gone nowhere.

“Hi.” Yixing placed a hand on her shoulder to alert her that he was there. Anastasia flinched, turning quickly to smile at him.

“What are you looking at?” Yixing glanced at the screen, placing his hand over Anastasia’s and using the mouse to scroll up.

“‘Witches in the Early Modern Era’. Is this for History? I’m sorry if I was interrupting an assignment” Yixing apologised.

“No, It’s nothing. More of my own project.” Anastasia smiled as she bookmarked the web page and minimised the tab.

Yixing took the seat next to her and cleared his throat.

“I have another poetry assignment and I wondered if you wanted to help me again. Your insight last time was helpful; maybe we can get coffee afterwards? Or even just go out for food I don’t mind.” Yixing glanced towards the floor, nervously.

Anastasia froze as her mind processed that Yixing had just asked her out. The moment was short lived as another hand was placed on her shoulder.

“Ok but we need to talk.” Jongdae’s loud voice snapped her out of the trance. He looked like he needed her urgently and Anastasia sighed.  

“Yixing, I’ll be back.” Anastasia looked at him regretfully. “But yes, I will go out with you.” Yixing smiled at her last sentence.

“Sorry but, I did some investigating of my own and found him.” Jongdae showed her a webpage on his phone. “Joel Brooker, burnt at the stake the same day as Agnes, in fact they were said to be accomplices.”

“Ok, that’s weird. He looks exactly like you.” She felt a shiver run down her spine.

“That’s not all. Your little lover boy over there, a prince; Prince Yixing. Killed himself by jumping off the castle walls a day after Agnes and Joel were killed. His brother, Sehun was also executed on the same day for treason.” Jongdae told her in whispered tones.

She glanced over to Yixing who was watching them both and smiled.

“Why does he have the same name?” She turned back to Jongdae.

“I don’t know, maybe his parents just liked it, or maybe they knew about the prince, it doesn’t really matter.” Jongdae dismissed her question.

“The only thing I found in common was that they all knew each other and died around the same time, but I don’t see why that should matter.” Jongdae explained, sighing.

Anastasia heard hushed tones from behind her and turned around. Junmyeon had arrived at the library and had sat next to Yixing, initiating small talk.

“Oh, yeah him.” Jongdae grabbed her arm and spun her back towards him. “Seems like he’s forever doomed to be in the friendzone – tragic – but he was Agnes’ ‘sidekick’ who was assumed to be her husband, however there were rumours Prince Yixing had a lover from the village, who people speculate was Agnes.”

Jongdae paused to let her absorb the knowledge. She was astounded at how much he had managed to learn, when she knew next to nothing about this girl. She concluded she just hadn’t been trying hard enough.

“So anyway, his name was Jude Wood. He also fits the trend. He was killed the day before Agnes and Joel were executed.” Jongdae paused again, this time as if preparing to say something shocking.

“He was killed by Agnes. She released all her powers in the village square and all of the bystanders were killed, including him.”

Anastasia gasped, disbelieving. She turned back to Junmyeon, who was now telling lame jokes to Yixing who was faking laughs to appease him. She began to walk over to them, making both of their heads turn to look at her. Jongdae followed behind. Anastasia sighed and began to fill them in on everything Jongdae had told her. Once she was finished, Jongdae began to speak.

“Now, this may be nothing, but it seems like such an eerie coincidence to not mean anything.” Jongdae hypothesised.

“What the Hell. You don’t actually believe any of this?” Junmyeon quizzed, as he sat upright in his chair.

“What are we going to do if it does mean something?” Yixing pondered, ignoring Junmyeon’s question.

“Well it means that in the past, we all had unfinished business, and it’s not going to be fixed unless we do something.” Jongdae answered.

“But why would we want to fix it? There’s not much in it for us” Anastasia mentioned, still unsure of what the reason would be for them to be bothered.

“Well, otherwise we’ll be wandering this world for all of eternity, and I don’t know about you but the way the world is going, that doesn’t seem like a good option for me.” Jongdae fretted.

“But we won’t remember any of our past lives… there just doesn’t seem like much point.” Yixing agreed with Anastasia.

“If the fact you’re going to be stuck here doesn’t scare you, what about just rectifying a mistake you’ve made in the past; and if the afterlife is real, that’s a bonus; getting to live in a paradise forever, doesn’t seem so bad.” Jongdae tried to persuade them.

“Is everyone forgetting that this cannot possibly be real?” Junmyeon broke in, disrupting Anastasia’s thoughts.

“Junmyeon, shush. Have a little imagination.” Anastasia hushed him. “I’m in.” She decided.

Jongdae and Yixing both nodded, signifying they were also ‘in’. Junmyeon stared at them, sceptical that they could all believe in this theory that he thought was nonsense.

“But what exactly did we all do to get stuck in this cycle?” Yixing asked, fully onboard with the idea.

“There’s not much we can find out on this side of things, I researched as much as I could.” Jongdae explained.

“That means we’ll have to go back in time.” Yixing murmured.

“Ok. That’s it. Are you even listening to yourselves?” Junmyeon exclaimed.

“He’s right, we can’t time travel as we are.” Anastasia looked at Junmyeon, who smiled at her, glad someone was with him.

“That’s why we have to find a spell or something to place our conscious minds in this time period into the ones in the Early Modern Era.” Anastasia continued. Junmyeon face palmed, regretting his earlier actions.

Anastasia logged into her laptop again and quickly began to search for something suitable. After a relatively short time she found something she thought would be useful.

She gathered the group into a circle on the floor; even the reluctant Junmyeon joined her, taking a seat beside her.

She gestured for them to all join hands. Slowly smiling, she closed her eyes and began to recite the spell:  

“ego vocabo tempus vado, ut nobis concedas transitum”

She opened her eyes. They were still in the same position, gingerly glancing at each other. Junmyeon smirked.

She loved the stigma and mystery that surrounded certain parts of history, particularly the ideas during the Middle Ages, where witches were a common occurrence. They were regarded as evil and unwomanly, however their mystical properties intrigued her.

“Anastasia” Junmyeon called and waved a hand in front of her face. She had been staring into space again, something that was a regular happening due to her personality. She was a dreamer and she couldn’t help herself.

 “I was talking—moaning about my essay the professor expects in for tomorrow and you dazed out on me, are you ok?” He continued

 She nodded her head and focused on Junmyeon’s familiar face. His brunette hair was swept off of his forehead and the glasses he wore framed his dark, brown eyes beautifully.

 “You’re doing it again—I mean I don’t mind you looking at me; just the staring’s getting creepy.” He joked. She playfully slapped his arm and looked down into the book that was sat in her lap. It was open on the page she had to make notes on for her next lecture; Medical knowledge in the 16th century.

 She took the book from her lap and placed it on the desk, staring intently at the pages, reading them thoroughly.

“I still don’t get what you see in history.” Junmyeon smugly chuckled.

“I thought you had an essay to write.” She glanced at him through her eyelashes. “And I’ve explained this before, it interests me.”

He nodded and turned his focus to the laptop that lay in front of him. He knew full well why she loved history, just as he knew full well why he loved her. Her smile was his favourite and he was glad that something so trivial as history could excite her small mouth into a grin.

Junmyeon had debated many times whether it was right to tell her how he felt; he nearly had many times before, however now there was an obstacle.

“Yixing’s coming.” Junmyeon reached across and placed his hand on hers that was propping the book open, the slight connection getting Junmyeon’s heart racing.

She turned around to see Yixing, the university’s very own angel, making his way over to them. He was at the university for a degree in English Literature, which he was amazing at. Yixing also happened to be her long time crush.

“Junmyeon, Anastasia!” Yixing flashed them a shy grin and sat down next to Anastasia. Junmyeon stiffened as Yixing leaned in closer to Anastasia to look at what she was doing.

“I have to ask for some people’s interpretations of a poem, I was wondering if you want to help me? I’d like to hear your input because you seem like a very thoughtful person.” Yixing asks her. She vigorously nodded in agreement.

“Let’s see it then.” She told him.

“Can we do it back at my dorm? I left it there.” He sheepishly smiled. He was the Uni’s angel; however, he was awfully forgetful.

Once at his dorm, Anastasia stood awkwardly beside the bed before Yixing signalled for her to sit down. Pulling up a chair, Yixing stared intently into her eyes.

“The – um – poem?” Anastasia asked.

Yixing’s cheeks reddened as he realised what he had forgotten to retrieve. Once he was back with the poem, he began to read it to her.

‘The fountains mingle with the river, And the rivers with the ocean; 

The winds of heaven mix forever With a sweet emotion;’

He cleared his throat before he continued, his cheeks turning a darker shade of red.

‘Nothing in the world is single; All things by a law divine

In another's being mingle-- Why not I with thine?’

‘Is this a love poem?’ Anastasia interrupted his flow of words.

‘Yeah… Is it too much – I can stop.’ He stuttered.

‘Why? It’s only a poem.’ She shakily laughed, hoping he didn’t spot her distress.

‘It’s just Junmyeon- I can understand if you’re uncomfortable. Another guy reading you a love poem.’ He glanced up at her.

 She began to laugh and placed her hand on his knee unconsciously, quickly retracting it when they both noticed.

You were just finishing up your last year in sixth form, ready to go to university, when Kyungsoo said the words you had begun to suspect anyway. Gradually the effects of infatuation wore off and your relationship began to die. It was only a matter of time before it crumbled down, however Kyungsoo had escaped first, leaving you burning.

Junmyeon was gone. Left a year ago to go to university across the country. Escaping the small town you grew up in, like you wished to as well. Two years of your life filled with nothing but false feelings and a sense of longing, for the person you missed most.

***

"Okay students, welcome to your first class of the term. We'll just be going over the basics of ---" Your University lecturer began. It was the first week back after Winter break.

Life had begun to get better after the break up. You had changed your hair and improved your eating habits, determined to come out of it an improved person. You moved away from your town, and never saw Kyungsoo again. You had made plenty of new friends during your first term in University.

"Hey ______, wanna come to a party this Saturday? It's gonna be at my dorm. There's gonna be a few people there, not too many, but it should be fun. Some Second Years are coming." Chanyeol, one of said new friends asked you.

That's how you ended up sitting on a sofa in the lounge of Chanyeols dorm, your friends hooking up with various people.

"_____, lets go play 7 minutes in Heaven." Amber, another of your friends, walked back over to you, her hands entwined with another girls.

"This is Krystal, by the way." Amber nodded at the girl. You smiled and followed them over to a circle that had formed in the middle of the room.

"So this is a bit crude but we're bored and very tipsy." Chanyeol winked at you.

"Jongdae, you get first spin." Some guy sitting across from you smirked at Jongdae, who just so happened to be sitting two people away from you. You looked over and made eye contact with him, both of you just as confused to see each other here as each other. He shrugged you off and span the bottle.

It landed on a girl on the other side of the circle to you, and they both stood up and left for the water closet that was the designated area for this game. A few people left the circle to try to listen in, but a few of the less pervy people remained in the circle.

A few spins later, it was your turn. You regretfully knocked the bottle and watched it spin, hoping it didn't land on someone too strange. It gradually slowed and came to a stop on the person directly next to Jongdae, who was blocked by the person next to you. Jongdae's eyes widened as he realised who it was and what was happening, and then Kyungsoo stood up and walked into the closet. You felt your heart drop. Amber tapped you on the shoulder.

"Come on honey. It's your lucky day. He's cute." She whispered to you.

"He's my ex." You whispered back and saw her mouth open, before you stood up and walked directly into the closet, where he was waiting.

Before he could say anything you spoke. "Why the fuck are you here?"

"So no "hello, it's nice to see you"," Kyungsoo smiled.

You groaned. You had hoped to never see him again, yet here you were in a closet with him, expected to be getting dirty together.

"I'm Chanyeol's friend. I don't go to Uni here. I didn't know you and Chanyeol were friends though." He chuckled.

"I can be friends with whoever I want." You said matter of factly.

"I think he has a thing for you. I saw him when he spun the bottle; he was looking at you a lot. And when you spun it and it landed on me he looked mega disappointed. Don't start anything with him, he's not worth it." Kyungsoo told you.

"Why are you telling me who I can and can't fuck." He was getting on your nerves. "Fuck you Do Kyungsoo." You'd had enough of his cocky attitude and stormed out of the closet.

"Woah that was only three minutes." Someone shouted after you, but you didn't care.

You stormed right up to Chanyeol, who had been sitting and staring at you in shock. When you reached him, you kneeled down to his level. Not even thinking about the consequences, you kissed him. This had clearly affected him more than you had wished, and he fell backwards, with you falling on top of him.

When you finally broke the kiss, he smiled at you. "Baby girl, if I knew you felt this way earlier, I would have started something sooner."

Your head spun and you had no idea what was happening anymore. You just knew you wanted to spite Kyungsoo, for still believing he mattered in your life at all. But more than that, you had built up sadness for a long time, sadness you can only get from losing someone close to you.

"Chanyeol, I'm so sorry I just-- I think I've had too much to drink." You lifted yourself off of him and went to sit on the couch, your face in your hands.

"So are we going to have an actual conversation now or are you just going to kiss more people who are into you, because if so you could start by kissing me."

"Who the fuck in fucking hell do you think you fucking are kyungsoo? Why do you consistently want to cause me pain." You angled your head to look at the unwanted guest who chose to sit next to you.

"You've matured a lot." He leant back.

"Stop acting like you can talk to me after everything we've been through. You didn't even apologise, how am I meant to talk to a liar who pretended to love me to make me happy." You hissed.

He sighed and sat back up, looking at your disheveled figure. "That's not what I lied about, I lied about saying I stopped loving you."

You scoffed, not wanting to continue this conversation a second longer.

"I could accuse you of being a liar too you know, that you lied to keep me happy. You were never as happy with me as you were around him." He let out a sad chuckle.

You removed your face from your hands and sat up.

"So you lied to me, and caused me the biggest heartbreak of my life, because you were jealous." You uttered in disbelief.

"Something like that. I thought it would help both of us, I mean you'd go back to Junmyeon and I wouldn't have to deal with the fact that the person I was in love with always thought of me as second." He sincerely told you.

"Kyungsoo, I was in love with you. I loved you so much, I still do..." You gently whispered.

"He's here tonight. We exchanged pleasantries earlier. I don't know how he knows Chanyeol, but he's here." Kyungsoo lowered his head.

You placed your hand on Kyungsoo's, which was sitting in his lap.

"Kyungsoo, I am so, so sorry. I love you I genuinely do --"

"You just love him more. It's ok." He flashed you a sad smile.

"I hope you find your happiness." You squeezed his hand.

"Yours could happen tonight." He told you, and you stood up from the couch.

For the first time in a while things were finally clear. You were in love with Kim Junmyeon, your best friend.

You spotted the familiar frame standing in the kitchen, talking to some people you knew to be second years.

Approaching him from behind, you had hoped to just tap him on the shoulder to get his attention quietly. Chanyeol, however, had appeared behind you and hooked his arm around your shoulder.

"Guys! Have you met _____." He shouted. Of course he was super drunk by now.

They whole circle spun, and you finally got your first look at Junmyeon after over a year. He hadn't changed that much, just grew taller and developed more, however he was still the Junmyeon you knew.

"Yeah, me and her kinda have a thing going on right now." Chanyeol continued. You stared at him in disbelief, as if there couldn't have been a worse time to say this.

"He means I kissed him once because I was drunk and pissed off." You removed Chanyeol's arm from around your shoulder.

Junmyeon was staring at you, and he smiled at your action, that beautiful peach beam you had grown up, and fallen in love, with.

Chanyeol faked hurt, however was too drunk to process what had actually happened so quickly moved on and continued a conversation with the second years. You timidly smiled at Junmyeon and he smiled back.

"Do you want to go somewhere quieter?" He extended his hand and you took it, nodding. His hand was warm and sweaty but you didn't care, you were with Junmyeon.

After intruding on someone vomiting in the bathroom, and quite a few couples trying to get it on in the bedrooms, you decided the water closet was the quietest and most suitable place.

"Where to begin?" He laughed when you asked him what he had done since he left. He told you he had dated a few times, however nothing serious. He was also majoring in film, something you knew he had wanted to do since childhood.

When the question was turned on you, you told him everything. How you and Kyungsoo had broken up months before. You hadn't dated since. You were getting a degree in Chemistry, and had met an entirely new group of friends.

"You look really good, by the way. Not that you didn't before but like extra good tonight." Junmyeon rushed his words.

You laughed and thanked him. Silence filled the small space between you and him.

"What happened between you and that girl?" You asked the simple question.

"What girl?"

"The one ages ago. That you wanted help with right before I went out with Kyungsoo. Did you ever get her? I kinda just assumed you did."

He looked down at the floor and shook his head.

"She didn't feel the same."

You felt a sadness fill you, and a jealousy. You knew you had no right to feel it, as you didn't even realise you loved Junmyeon at the time.

"If you don't mind me asking, why did you and Kyungsoo break up." He carefully spoke.

"I thought it was because he didn't love me, for so long I thought it was that and I hated him for breaking my heart. But really I should have hated myself for breaking his--" You reached a hand out to take Junmyeon's. "He still loved me, still does. But he broke both of our hearts because of someone else."

Junmyeon's eyes widened and he retracted his hand.

"You cheated on him!" He accused you.

"No, of course not. I would never cheat on someone." You vigorously shook your head.

"He cheated on you...?" Junmyeon lowered his voice and softly asked you.

"No, he's not that kind of person. Plus he loved me too much to do that." You looked at Junmyeon expectantly.

"If he loved you so much, why'd he hurt you then." He added spite to his tone.

"What would you do if the person you loved treated you second?" You asked him.

He flicked his eyes towards your face, shocked at the question, as if you had found the secret he had been keeping for so many years.

"I'd let them go." He answered. "It would hurt, but it would be worth it, for both of us."

"That's what he did." Your voice trailed off as you quietly watched Junmyeon reach his hand into his Jean pocket. He removed something from it and kept it closed in his fist.

He took in a breath, and then continued speaking to you.

"I pity him." Junmyeon sighed. He also pitied himself, for going through the exact same thing, with the same person.

He groaned, unsure of what to do next.

"_____, I'm -- have this." He moved his hand towards you and unclenched his fist, palm facing upwards. Concealed in his hand was your blue hairpin, which you had completely forgotten about.

"It's been over ten years, Junmyeon! Why do you still have this." You exclaimed.

"At first I wanted to keep it as a symbol of our friendship, but then-- it became my symbol of how in love with you I was. It was a crude infatuation at first, like any young teenager would have. But then it grew into a deeper love. Where I simply loved to be in your presence, to see your smile, or how you would frown when you couldn't do something, but would always light up when I came over to help. I loved being in love with you." He quickly told you.

"But you didn't feel the same, that was evidenced by Kyungsoo. If maybe I had acted earlier we would have had something-- take the pin. It just serves as a painful reminder of you, but I wanted to see you again one last time to give it to you. I knew you would be here, Chanyeol had made it very clear he was planning on starting something with you tonight. That's why I brought it." With his empty hand he opened one of yours, and placed the pin in it. Automatically, your hand closed around it.

Body moving on it's own, your arms wrapped around Junmyeon as you buried yourself in his chest. He was in shock at first, however brought his arms softly around your back, unsure whether to touch you or not.

"I love you Junmyeon." Your voice was muffled by his body.

He didn't respond; his raised heartbeat and soft kisses on your forehead answered for him.

  “Hey, could you focus a second, Baekhyun?” Your raised voice echoed in the hallway you stood in; Baekhyun’s back was turned away from you as he walked further down the corridor.

He turned around and immediately flashed his blinding grin at you; the exact same grin you had fallen in love with.

“What’s up, babe?” His pet name for you was generic and meant nothing to him, a mere affection to tease his friend with, however your heart still fluttered whenever he said it, thinking of a time where he might actually mean it; a time when you meant the most to him.

“I think I – Kinda – Like you.” You stuttered. It had taken weeks to work up the courage and for the past few days you had been trying to tell him. You didn’t know what to expect from him. Of course, you wanted him to feel the same, but more than that, you had just wanted to tell him; to finally be open about how he made you feel when he held your hand, when he looked at you and when he said your name.

“____?”  His voice was quiet and thoughtful, as if he didn’t know what to say next.

“I – I don’t know what to say –“

You knew what he was going to say next and you knew what you did next was immature, but you didn’t care. You ran away before he could finish.

  ____

I’m sorry

You didn’t let me finish

You blocked his number after that, not wanting to go through more embarrassment. You knew you had no reason too, but you hated him. You hated yourself more however, for believing you had a chance with your best friend; those kinds of things only happen in movies.

The next day at school, you completely ignored him, choosing to only talk to your friends from your math class, that Baekhyun wasn’t in. He didn’t try to talk to you either, due to him being bad at confrontation, or the fact that he just didn’t care.

Weeks had passed and you knew it was best to try and talk to him to remove the awkwardness from your relationship. Many people in school knew you were close and were surprised to see you both not talking, which only added to the tension between you and him.

  “Get out of the way!” A deep voice shouted from down the corridor. You were standing in front of your locker, retrieving books from it, when two annoying boys from your year started fighting in the middle of the hallway. You closed your locker quickly and shook your head, muttering about them being idiots, when you heard a laugh from behind you.

“Still snarky as always.” It was the first words you had heard from him since you had confessed and they completely threw you. Baekhyun stood with his arms crossed, leaning on a locker a few places down from your own.

“I’m busy, goodbye.” You waved and walked past him. As you walked down the corridor, the two boys who were fighting earlier grew dangerously closer to your vicinity. When one slammed the other into a locker right in front of your path you let out a yelp, running back past Baekhyun, who continued to laugh. You glared at him and walked the long way around to class; avoiding both the boys and Baekhyun.

  The School’s annual dance was approaching and this time it was your year’s turn to go. You had previously been hoping to attend with Baekhyun, however that plan was now blown out of the water. Then you had decided to just stay home, eat ice-cream and mope, however your new group of friends would not allow that and demanded you come with them, date or not. Reluctantly you had gone with them to buy a dress for the occasion, the whole time you were moaning about it being a waste and your friends were telling you to shut up and get into the spirit of things. Eventually you all had an outfit sorted and were ready for the day.

On arrival to the venue, you immediately found your friends, all of which had dates already. Feeling like a tremendous third wheel, you sat awkwardly sipping some non-alcoholic punch the teachers had supplied, although you were pretty sure someone had added a whole bottle of whiskey.

“Hi, ____.” The sudden voice had surprised you as you sat scrolling through the feed on your phone.

Do Kyungsoo, a cute guy from your English class, had approached you.

“Are you alone tonight?” He sheepishly asked you.

“Yeah, pretty much, my friends told me this would be a good idea.” You smiled at him and he immediately blushed.

“Well – do you want to dance?” He asked you. You laughed and nodded your head. He took your hand and lead you over to a space towards the back of the hall. The song was quite fast, which meant you didn’t have to dance together, so you awkwardly stood bopping to the music for a few moments.

“I would have asked you before.” Kyungsoo suddenly told you. “I thought you were going with Baekhyun.” He smiled.

You thought back to the confession. It was months ago, and yet you were still not quite over Baekhyun.

The song changed; it was a slow song. Kyungsoo’s eyes widened and began to take you back to sitting however you refused.

“Let’s dance, Kyungsoo.” You laughed, unsure whether it was the alcohol or the pain Baekhyun had caused you that was talking.

Kyungsoo placed his hands on your waist and you brought your own around his neck, slowly moving your body closer to his. Just as your chest was about to touch his, the song stopped and a familiar voice rang out throughout the room.

“Would ____ please step outside into the gardens, she has someone to talk to.”

You groaned, wondering what Baekhyun could want now; he not only rejected you, but now wouldn’t let you move on.

Outside he stood, leant against a wall.

“What do you want? I have someone to get back to.” You snidely told him. He flinched at your words.

“I’m such an idiot.” He looked up at you. He was still as dazzling as the first time you had looked at him and it was too much.

“I caused the one girl I loved pain because I was too much of a coward to confront my feelings for her; in me not wanting to get hurt I not only hurt her but also myself.” He sounded close to tears and yet you couldn’t believe him.

“I saw you with him tonight, you were so close. I had to do something; I couldn’t just watch.” He scoffed, annoyed at his own jealousy.

“Are you telling me you—like me?” You cautiously asked, trying to not get your hopes up.

“Of course, I like you, love you even. God, these last few months have been hell, not seeing your beautiful smile. The best I got was in that corridor that time. I was going to tell you everything then, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was going to ask you to come here with me, but I guess I was too late.” You couldn’t believe what you were hearing; part of you didn’t want to.

“You don’t like him, do you?” Baekhyun obviously meant Kyungsoo.

“No, I’m still caught up on the boy who broke my heart because he’s an idiot who thinks it’s ok to not respond immediately with something close to a yes when someone has just confessed to them if they liked them anyway.” The words spilled out of your mouth as a tear slowly dropped onto your cheek.

Baekhyun took your hand and pulled you closer to him. He gently kissed  both your cheeks, and finally your lips, his warm lips wet from your tears.

He pulled back and looked you in the eyes, smiling. You smiled back at him and began to feebly laugh.

“I hate you, you know.”

 He detached himself from your neck and brought his head back to look at you, nodding for you to continue. 

 "Well... if this does go any further, this will be my first time, doing, you know..." You trailed off. 

 His eyes widened and he gulped. 

 "I mean if you're not ready that's fine--" He began. You vigorously shook your head. 

 "No, I want this to carry on." You smirked. 

 He smirked back at you and resumed what he was doing. It wasn't long before he had grabbed your thighs and carried you into his bedroom. 

 Placing you gently down on the bed, he continued to kiss your neck, leaving gentle nips across your skin. The sensation tingled and you couldn't muffle the moan that left your parted lips. 

 Chanyeol gained confidence and began to lift up the hem of your tshirt, gently pinching the skin underneath. 

 "Take it off." He said, lips still against your skin. 

 You complied and began to slip the top up and over your head while Chanyeol kneeled in front of you. 

 A wave of doubt came over you as you realised the situation you were in, with the man you loved, and the insecurities you had tried to overcome in the past suddenly resurfaced. Quickly, you pulled your shirt back down. 

 Chanyeol's smile turned downwards as he watched your action. 

 "Baby, what's wrong?" He asked you, his voice full of concern. 

"I don't know if I can do this, with me looking as I do..." You sighed. 

 He pulled you into his lap and gently held you. "I don't want you to think this way Y/N. You are beautiful, and I want you to believe it. This is going to be hella cheesy, but I want you to repeat after me "I am Y/N and I am beautiful" He sincerely told you. 

 "Chanyeol, I can't -- That's too" You began He looked at you expectantly, not letting you finish. 

You sighed. 

 "I am Y/N and I am beautiful." You told him. 

 "I want you to remember that, okay, don't compare yourself to others and always know that you are beautiful. Love yourself as much as I love you." He kissed your cheek. 

 You smiled and removed your shirt. 

 "Where were we?" You smirked, to which he responded by removing his own shirt. 

 Chanyeol laid you down on the bed, and placed his finger under the waistband of your underwear, both of you having removed your jeans prior. 

 He slowly dragged your waistband down, the fingers of his other hand tapping against your vulva. Slowly he applied pressure to your clitoris, arousing you. 

"How are you, baby girl?" He asked you. You were about to respond when a moan made it's way from your lips, which only spurred Chanyeol on. 

 Chanyeol placed his other hand that wasn't touching you at the waistband of his own boxers, that failed to disguise his erect member. He snaked his hand inside and began to slowly rub himself, increasing his pace quickly. 

 Eventually he removed his boxers and opened a condom, putting it onto his hard-on. 

 "This might hurt a little, but I'm going to try and be as gentle as I can." He told you as he lined himself up to your entrance. You tensed as you felt him slowly slide inside. 

 He began to slowly thrust inside of you. You were definitely building, however it wasn't enough. 

 "Chanyeol, quicker." You moaned. 

 He laughed and increased the pace, until you climaxed, him following soon after. 

 Once you were settled on the bed, he took your hands and pulled you into him. 

From behind your hiding place you can see Sehun, your partner in this whole mess, crouching behind another pillar, every now and then moving his arm to shoot at the people you had come to negotiate with.

You and him had started a business in selling famous art pieces to dodgy people who were willing to pay. Except they weren’t famous art pieces; they were forgeries. With your artistic ability and his brains, he had persuaded you it would be easy money. Easy money. That was until you discovered that people didn’t like being sold fakes for millions and would quite happily kill you if it meant they got their money back.

Sehun was signalling to you. You snapped out of your daydream to reach into your pocket and take out your own gun, that Sehun had given you a few months before. Self defence he had said.

You began to shoot from behind your pillar. Surprisingly, you had good aim. Managing to hit the dominant arm of an opponent, they dropped the gun in their hand, giving Sehun time to run across to your pillar.

“Let’s get out of here.” He whispered into your ear, before shooting at more opponents to continue the routine of gunfire.

He picked up a mirror that had fallen in the ruckus.

“That’s really going to help.” You sarcastically told him.

“It’s the best I can do. Now come on.” He grabbed your hand and pushed you in front of him.

“Now. Run and shoot. 3. 2. 1. Go!” He shouted and your legs moved.

You were doing well. The mirror offered limited but just enough protection and you managed to make it to the other side, near the door that was stupidly, on your opponents part, unguarded.

“Argh.” A groan from behind you made you turn around.

Sehun was on the flood, blood seeping from his upper thigh.

“Oh my god!” You screamed, running to his side. Still alert, you fired your gun at your opponents, again just immobilising them. After all, you didn’t want to go for prison for forgery and murder.

“Just. Go.” Sehun breathed. “You dragged me into this and now I’m going to drag you out.” You told him

Taking both of his arms, you dragged him across the floor and towards the door.

“Can you walk?” You asked him.

“Barely.”

You helped him up and tried your best to support him out of the building. You didn’t have much time until your opponents followed you.

Making your way outside, you reached your car. Dumping Sehun in the passenger seat, you turned around to see one of the bodyguards with a gun. Taking your own gun out, you shot him in the arm and ran towards the drivers side.

Jumping in, you immediately started up the car and drove as quickly as you could away from the building.

Once you were certain you weren’t being followed, Sehun turned to you.

“Seatbelt.” He said as he reached across to grab the black strap.

“Wouldn’t it be funny if after all of this, I was to die because I didn’t have my seatbelt on.” You looked at him as he strapped you in.

“I wouldn’t be laughing.” He told you.

Once you had reached your apartment, you hurriedly jumped out of the car and around to Sehun’s side, where you helped him out of the car and up to your apartment. “Shouldn’t we get medical help?” You asked him once he was lying on your couch.

“No, they’ll just ask questions. I don’t want to go to prison just yet.” He winced as he adjusted himself.

“We’re going to have to take it out though…” You trailed off, thinking of the procedure. You walked to your bathroom to grab the first aid kit and tweezers.

“It’s basic I know but it will have to do.” You told him.

After quickly disinfecting the wound you braced yourself for the next task. After you had retrieved the bullet from his leg you washed it and placed it in tissue. Next you bandaged up his leg.

“What do we even do with this?” You asked him, nodding towards the bullet.

“Don’t dispose of it. It will be too easy to trace it to us considering it has my blood on it.” He said in a somber tone.

“You know, maybe we should stop with this whole illegal business. I mean it’s been fun but I want to live a normal life now.” You stood up from your crouch beside him.

He grabbed your hand and pulled you down beside him again.

“Live a normal life with me then.” He looked into your eyes.

“I—can’t.” He hurriedly tells you.

“Why not?” You pry, wishing for him to tell you what was more important than the thing that should be most important to him: you.

“Stop asking questions. I just have to go,” Junmyeon sternly told you. He rarely spoke to you like that, so his confrontational tone surprised you.

You take place your hand on his arm, meaning it to be a loving gesture, however he simply looks at your hand and shrugs it off.

“Junmyeon—“You begin, before he cuts you off.

“______, Just—Please.” He tries to tell you, before sighing and standing up.

He strides over to where his coat was hanging on a peg in your apartment. Before you even realised it, your feet were moving on their own, towards the door. Standing firmly in front of it, you looked towards Junmyeon, who was approaching.

“Junmyeon, I’m not moving until you tell me where you’re going.” You crossed your arms in front of your chest.

“God, _____. Why are you being so annoying?” He groaned.

You looked at him with disgust. Maybe you were being annoying, but you had every reason to be.

“Just get out of the way.” He raised his voice. Resolute, you smirked at him and emphasised the point that you were going to stay exactly where you were.

“For God’s Sake. Just get out of my fucking way.” He shouted.

Your defences broke; he never swore at you, he rarely shouted at you and when he did it wasn’t serious. He saw you had weakened and grabbed you by the shoulders, moving you out of the way. You gripped his hand as he tried to walk through the door. He jerked his hand away from yours and brought his other hand to slap at your arm.

He never hit you. He never hit you, but he just did. It wasn’t that painful, but he had hit you. He had meant, in that moment, to hurt you; he knew he had meant to hurt you as well. You could tell by his eyes, the sorry look he gave you after he realised what he had done. Then he was gone. Quickly out of the door before he saw the first tear fall from your eyes.

You didn’t know whether it was the end, you didn’t want to know. He had hit you and then he had left. You lay on the floor for what seemed like an eternity, crying and sometimes not. You didn’t know how long had passed, replaying the scene over and over. You blamed yourself, for prying too much, even though you knew you shouldn’t. You deserved to know where he was going. Was he—cheating on you? You couldn’t believe your sweet Junmyeon could do that but then again you couldn’t believe he had hit you.

It was early morning when he came back. His silhouette appeared from behind the door and sat on the couch, his head in his hands. It was a few moments before you decided to alert him of your presence and stood up.

“______, I’m so so sorry.” He choked between tears. He was clearly upset by this.

“What’s her name?” Your voice wavered. You needed to know the truth, but that didn’t mean you wanted to.

“Her name? What—I’m so sorry.” He mumbled.

“The girl you’re cheating on me with. The girl you’ve been too busy to spend time with me because of. The girl who caused you to—hurt me.” You choked on the last words, like you didn’t want them to leave your throat; like you didn’t want them to be real.

He stood up and walked towards you. When he got close, you flinched out of reflex. His faced dropped, realising you feared him, scared he would hit you again.

“______, I would never cheat on you. I will never, ever hurt you again.” He sobbed.

You decided to believe his sincerity, but the underlying thought never left your brain.

“Then why did you have to go?” You quietly asked him, not wanting a repeat of earlier.

“My mother, she’s sick. She could have died tonight. I didn’t want to bring you into it, but I realise now that what happened was worse than telling you.” He sighed.

“Junmyeon I’m so sorry--.” You began.

“Don’t you dare apologise to me. You did nothing wrong. I am entirely at fault here.” He knelt on both knees. “Please, forgive me.”

You crouched down on the floor next to him and looked into his eyes. They were red and puffy from crying, but still held the softness you had fallen in love with.

“Junmyeon, let’s go to bed.” You sadly smiled at him. Tonight, will never be forgotten, but you knew he would never hurt you again.

“I love you, so much.” He smiled at you as you lay beside him.

“What episode?” He sat down on the couch next to you, wrapping an arm around your shoulder.

“16.” You answered, humming.

His eyes widened. He kissed your forehead and cuddled you closer to him.

“What are you doing?” You laughed, muffled by his chest.

“Nothing, let’s just watch it.” He smiled at you.

Within the first minute you were gently sobbing as you watched Soon Deok be brutally murdered by a soldier. Baekhyun heard your slight sniffles and hugged you closer. The beautiful way Wang Eun displayed his grief towards the loss of his wife made you begin to cry more as you thought back to all the good times they had together, and all the possible futures that had been ripped from them.

None of that had prepared you for what happened next however. Wang Eun was hit, first in the shoulder and then fatally in the stomach. Quietly, you snuggled closer into Baekhyun to hide your sobs as Wang So mercifully finished Wang Eun off.

However, when Wang Eun tried to reach for Soon Deok and couldn’t, you completely lost all of your defences.

“This is too much.” You sobbed, pausing the drama. “You can’t do this to me. All he wanted was to touch his wife for one last time and he didn’t even get to do that.” You sat up and angrily told Baekhyun, staring him straight in the eyes.

“I know. I was there. It was kind of unfair.” He said matter-of-factly.

You huffed and thought back to the death scene and suddenly you were crying again.

“Baby, are you okay.?” Baekhyun hugged you tight.

“It’s not fair. They didn’t deserve to die. They have to have a future together and have lots of kids and live happily.” You moaned through your tears.

“Baby, it’s okay. It’s just a drama. I’m still alive.” He smiled at you.

“That’s not the point.” You again moaned. “I’m too invested in the story. I don’t care if it’s just a drama, they’re real to me.”

“Ok. Think of it this way.” He proposed. “They might be dead, but they’re together now. In heaven, or whatever you want to call the afterlife.”

He started to rub circles into your palm as you thought about what Baekhyun had said. It made you feel slightly better, that Wang Eun and Soon Deok at least were happy and together in what ever afterlife exists. Smiling at Baekhyun you snuggled back down into his chest.

“You want to play it again?” He asked you.

“Just a quick question first.” You told him. He hummed and you proceeded to ask him.

“If I was killed by a soldier, would you want to die with me?”

He took your hand in his and softly kissed your head.

“Of course I would, princess. Without you my world wouldn’t exist, there would be no point in existing.” He sincerely told you.

“Ah—Look at me now, I’m all messy.” Baekhyun pouted.

“It was your idea. You pushed me.” You lightly punched his arm. Just touching him sent tingles of happiness through your body.

He beamed at you, a delight you enjoyed every time you witnessed it. You knew you were kind of in love with this boy, but would never be able to tell him.

“Puppy wants ice cream.” He interrupted your thoughts. You laughed, still amused that he would call himself ‘puppy’, your childhood nickname for him all those years ago when you first met. When you were children, you knew him as the excitable kid next door, who acted like a puppy seeing the world for the first time. You had bonded over your hatred for homework and love of the most popular kids show at that time.

You had grown up together, and of course along the way as you matured and learnt more about yourself and your orientations, you realised you were crushing on your dorky neighbour, who knew almost everything about you. Almost everything, because of course he didn’t know about your actual feelings.

Despite this, you had dated a few people, in the hopes of removing your feelings for Baekhyun, however each time it was unsuccessful because Baekhyun always managed to screw up things for you. Whether it was texting you constantly during dates, or just in general your partner being jealous of yours and Baekhyuns relationship, your relationships always ended, always because of him. You would have been mad, but he was Baekhyun, and you were utterly infatuated. Every time you told him someone had broken up with you because of him he would always apologise profusely, and comfort you. Each time you would wish that this would finally be the time Baekhyun confessed the real reason he was consistently breaking your relationships, and that was because he loved you. But alas, it never happened.

You were both in University now. You had given up with dating long ago, after Baekhyun had broken your relationship with a great guy who you thought might actually be the one to make you stop liking Baekhyun.

If it wasn’t for one major problem, you might have worked up the courage to finally confess to him. The problem was his girlfriend. They had begun dating a few months ago, while you were back home for a week to visit your family. They told you when you had come back, and never had you felt more alone in the world. Baekhyun had never had girlfriends before, he told you it was because his grades were bad enough, he didn’t need someone to distract him even more. Apparently, his life motto didn’t apply to Uni.

“Are you ever going to date again?” Baekhyun asked you between mouthfuls of ice-cream.

“What do you mean? Of course I am. Just not right now, I’m focussing on grades and stuff.” You swirled your ice cream with your spoon.

“Are you using my own life motto against me?” Baekhyun jokingly defended himself.

You shook you head. In reality, you didn’t know if you would ever get over Baekhyun.

“I’m going to go out, get drunk and pick up some guy at a bar.” You looked up at him, to see his face drop.

“Woah. Isn’t that a bit brash?”

“Why do you care?” You slightly raised your voice, fed up of this guy always being on your mind, and always controlling what you did. It wasn’t fair on him, and you knew it, but you were fed up with being hung up over him.

“Because, I care about you.” He slowly let the syllables leave his lips.

“Just—I’m going to go. Go hang out with your girlfriend or something.” As soon as the words left your lips you realised you had said too much. If it wasn’t obvious to Baekhyun before, it clearly was now. You were jealous.

Groaning, you stormed out of the ice cream parlour and walked back to your dorm.

Once you had closed the front door of your dorm, you sunk to the floor and screamed.

“Who’s being murdered?” Your dormmate left her room to see you on the floor.

“I’ve fallen out with Baekhyun.” You groaned.

“Well you still have me.” Your dormmate grinned. “Wanna have a girl’s night in tonight.”

“No, we’re going out tonight. If there’s one thing I want to do now, it’s exactly what Baekhyun told me not to do.” You smirked, slightly feeling more confident.

“That sounds dangerous, I’m in.” Your dormmate laughed.

Your campus had a student bar, so that’s where you and your dorm mate decided to go. To be honest, you had no idea where this night would go, and you didn’t care at this point. You had been heartbroken for far too long.

“Just, don’t do anything too stupid, okay.” Your dormmate whispered in your ear.

“God you sound like Baekhyun.” You laughed.

Looking up you glanced around the room, when your eyes landed on the exact person you didn’t want to see. He motioned for you to go outside with him, but you were done with him, done with the feeling every day that no one would ever compare to him, but you could never have him.

You turned your back to him and sat down next to another guy.

“Hi, I’m ____.” You waved at the guy.

“Yixing.” He smiled at you, dimples making an appearance. “Want a drink?” He offered.

You nodded in response, when someone from behind Yixing spoke up.

“Actually, she’s with me.”

Yixing turned around and saw Baekhyun staring daggers at him. He quickly picked up his drink and vanished into the crowd. Baekhyun sat in his space.

“I’m sorry. It was a personal question, I understand.” He apologised.

“I was busy with someone.” You sternly told him. “You can’t just tell me I should start dating, and then when I try, just completely cock block me.”

“I never told you to start dating. I just asked the question. Plus, you’re talking as if you’ve never cockblocked me before.” He laughed.

“I have done nothing of the sort. You on the other hand, have screwed up every single relationship I have ever had. I just want to have one happy relationship, without you.” You sighed.

“Don’t you think there’s a reason for that…” He sadly smiled at you.

You looked at him, confused.

“I kinda have always liked you…” He smiled.

“But, your girlfriend.”

“She’s just a friend. I pretended I was dating her to try and make you jealous, and it worked, but that just hurt you and I realised it was wrong. We agreed to stop the act today. I was going to tell you before you stormed out earlier.”

You lowered your head and looked at your hands.

“I don’t know what to say—I guess you know that I like you too.”

“That’s all you need to say.” Baekhyun took your hand with one of his and used his other to lift your chin. He smiled into your eyes, before meeting your lips with his, in a soft kiss, the only thing you had ever wished for.

***

Baekhyun brought you happiness. Of course, he could never not, however you didn’t work. You didn’t work because you were too similar, too in love with each other for years, to realise that maybe you didn’t have what it took to make a relationship work. You realised you weren’t so much in love with Baekhyun, as in love with what he gave you: a glimpse of your childhood, that you didn’t want to let go of. You had to grow up now however.

Eventually you confronted the reality of it, and broke up with him just before you left University. He understood completely, and told you he would stay in contact. That was before he moved halfway across the world, to pursue his career in music.