Call Me Monster

to my dearest jonghyun,

you were in pain. you were hurting. you were in pain and hurting and upset and lonely and sad and many other things as you passed on. you were also an amazing singer, talented songwriter, an outstanding human being, an integral president in the shinee world, and a father to the sweetest little ‘roo’. although you are no longer on this earth, your legacy, your love for people who needed help, your love for music, your overall essence, will remain long after. you, kim jonghyun, gave shawols, sm, your family and everyone in this world a piece of your heart through your talented body and we can never repay you for your selfless services, even if it did cost you your own happiness in return. the sweet voice that enchanted many will forever play on, and the songs you wrote are eternal. we say goodbye to your physical presence, kim jonghyun, but never to your soul, your heart, your very being. you were in pain. you were hurting, and now you’re free. so i say goodbye to you, kim jonghyun; insole wearing, puppy-pokemon hybrid look-a-like, crybaby, always-so-extra, kim jonghyun. may we meet again.

your sweetest,

an eternal shawol. 

“A few years ago, I was crying and whining at my mom and sister while I was really drunk. I asked my mom and sister… it wasn’t long after we’d moved. I asked them if they were happy. I got drunk and woke up my entire sleeping family, like some ahjussi. It had been my number one goal in life, you know, to make my mom and sister happy. They both woke up and told me they were happy. But I was so envious at the fact that they were able to reply that they were, indeed, happy. Because it wasn’t like that for me. I told them while sobbing: I want to be happy too. Then I felt like I’d done my mom and sister wrong. But from then on, I started contemplating about happiness. For about six months, I pondered specifically over what I would need to do to become happy. I think that time of transformation has come. I think I need to be happy, now. I must become happy. I am going to be happy.” 

Now, it’s time to rest.

Good night.