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Mr Boot do you HONESTLY need a better reason than The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy

it's the genX 67

What, should he have waited before reporting a murder?

It kills me inside when I think I have to act cold to protect myself knowing I'm the sweetest and clingiest soul you'd ever meet.

it kills me inside when i eat poison

"jack of all trades, master of none, but oftentimes better than a master of one" (the full thing)

you're RIGHT. I need to teach my hypothetical spawn how to be criminals by intentionally setting up opportunities for committing crimes, rewards for doing so, and mild punishments for being caught

Oh, I was viewing this from an angle far too narrow. I thought of the idea of setting up a temptation for crime only as a sadistic thing done by parents who want excuses to punish their kid. I should have also considered that one could do that as a method of training your kids for stealth missions.

sometimes there are also just leftover cookies

I openly question the baking skills of anyone who is capable of having "leftover cookies".

It might be stomach capacity they lack rather than baking skills.

If you can't eat your own weight in cookies in one go, natural selection is coming for you.

"Natural selection" coming for you in the form of cookie-jar-trained secret agent children.

i forget im in charge and go "why won't you f***ing do anything" and then i remember that i can just get stuff done. Like, i can just do the things. And thats how i live my entire life

Morning people are always like that and that's why night people don't want them to be awake