The Existential Cowboy

Qala the Pirate Queen appears in four of my (Stephen Brooke’s) Izan Cycle fantasy novels. She was introduced as a secondary character in ‘The Eyes of the Wind,’ in which she is still the leader of the pirates. ‘The Crocodile’s Son’ and ‘The Crocodile God’ chronicle her adventures in retirement as a member of the landed gentry (and the mother of a demigod). We turn to her childhood as a refugee in the decaying city of Tesra in ‘The City and the Sword,’ when she was known as Lellie. Later she took the name of the city as her own, becoming Tes the pirate captain before rising to the position of queen.

A raft of words remains, the wreckage of our voyage, bearing me across unknown horizons, empty seas that yearn to grasp the stars.

Shall I, too, yearn? I, too, have depths untouched by light. What swims those depths? What cold and patient monsters hunger, silent and insatiable?

They lurk as motionless as I, anticipating nothing more than that the errant currents bring. They bring the unnamed stars I swallow.

Those can never fill me now. For you I gathered handfuls once; their light is lost. They have no substance, float away, drift as do I.

The corners of the sky grow silent; across expanses of forgotten song and sea, night scatters dream, to echo, echo, and to fade.

Give me half of infinity; you can take the rest. We’ll compare the two and see which one has the best.

Mine’s a really big amount, big enough, at least, that when I began to count the counting never ceased.

Half’s enough for anyone, everyone assures, but I hope when all is done, mine is bigger than yours.