Thoughts and feelings that strike at night...

Hey, I see the trees are green again Maybe, this time around you'll set the trend Today's the day you make your mark, I'm sure And if you don't, if you don't, then try the next door

I am very fond of the relationships we form to obscure and otherwise forgotten pieces of media, especially in youth. How kept memories attached to movies no one else remembers seeing seem so explicitly personal and canonized. Pulled from a separate timeline. Because everyone has a childhood memory related to a lion king VHS tape, and these memories are kept alive by pervasive cultural consciousness. Almost formed for you, always reminding. But who remembers watching the Borrowers in your aunt’s basement on a mattress on the concrete floor. You think “did that even happen.” You google whether that movie ever existed. It did. 1997. You think maybe it only needed to exist for you.

The Last Time

I was strapped inside my carseat, softly closing my eyes…Hot air blew in from the window of our 2003 Mitsubishi. I was clad in gingham shorts and shirt with a denim bucket hat as we drove under the trees. The 4 o’clock sun drifted to gold, shadows flickered on my pale skin, shapes of leaves–I carried on, never recalling where I went or what we did, but remembering the feeling of never wanting to forget. So I always remembered that moment…I held on tightly to that feeling, like a locket keeps a photo of the boy you love. Sparkly glimmers of memories return to me, miraculously. 

If I lay in bed without a distraction, all I can think about is that one day I will no longer have thoughts, no longer experience life, no longer exist. Everything will fall away and I will miss everything mankind has to offer after my life ends. My name will disappear into dust, my life will shift from an after thought to being full-blown forgotten. I'm so scared and can't face this fear of death. The worst part is, I'm barely over 21 years old with no illnesses. So who am I to complain?

I miss being a baby and having wordless thoughts even though I don’t remember that time at all im just thinking about the limitations of language and the many ways we try to communicate ourselves and understand each other and how it’s all futile ……. when you’re little and don’t know words at all you can do is experience, you just observe and touch and make assumptions and try to understand your world without having to articulate the experience to yourself or anyone else it’s just pure knowledge hm

Does it bother anyone else that there are parts of your life you don’t remember? You have done and said things that you don’t even know about anymore. That means you don’t even have the right perception of yourself because you don’t even fully know who you are. However, something that you’ve forgotten about could be a prominent memory in somebody else’s mind. It trips me out.

Yū Yi

”The older you get, the faster time goes by” she said. “Before you know it, it’s 3 am and you’re 80 years old and you can’t remember what it was like to have 20 year old thoughts or a 10 year old heart.”

Yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead Yesterday is a promise that you've broken Don't close your eyes, don't close your eyes This is your life and today is all you've got now And today is all you'll ever have This is your life, are you who you want to be? This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be? When the world was younger and you had everything to lose Yesterday is a kid in the corner Yesterday is dead and over This is your life, are you who you want to be? This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be? When the world was younger and you had everything to lose