Learn to say “I could use some support. Are you able to provide some? This is how you can support me -“

Learn to say “I feel lonely. Are you able to keep me company?”

Learn to say “I’m feeling overwhelmed. Can I talk to you about it?”

Do this instead of dropping hints or expecting someone to be able to read you. What may be obvious to you isn’t necessarily obvious to someone else. You’re often hurting your own feelings by not communicating your needs and just hoping people meet them anyways.

I know this is easier said than done. We often drop hints because we feel ashamed or bad about asking for help. But the truth is, for most of our loved ones, us hinting at things is exhausting. It can also set them up for failure because they don’t know your expectations. Sometimes they miss hints but sometimes they ignore them because it’s more draining when they aren’t asked directly. It’s very likely your loved one would appreciate you being direct.

And I disagree. In a perfect world with nothing but time and energy, sure. But people have their own lives and get exhausted. Sometimes in relationships, we have to give a little extra because someone can only put in 20% at that moment due to personal circumstances.

I think it becomes a problem if you’re always expect to give and never get. But it is normal to fluctuate on what effort people can put into relationships.

100% at all times isn’t reasonable or realistic.

Sometimes things at work are more rough for my partner, so I pick up a bit of slack and love him harder. Sometimes (like now) my depression gets really bad and he has to love me harder. This might mean things like he texts me more to check in on me, makes more time to hold me, or maybe surprises me with things I like. “Love you harder” will vary for every person.

My heart 💞