zAkArIAh

= zakariah [zak.z] = queer guy [he.him] = 18 [10.10] = ny.usa =

- if these arent tagged you get blocked -

= gore [shown + mentioned] = bugs [shown + mentioned] =

= mentions of the cardiovascular system = paranoia triggers =

- important + donation links -

= people in Sudan = caring for wounds =

- things i like -

= cats = buttons = vampires = sparkles = energy drinks =

- things i do not like -

= butter = microfiber = chalk = most lotions = goat cheese =

- more below -

its surprising the amount of knowledge and honestly trauma i lack from christianity even tho it was a huge part of my life as a child

like i have friends who grew up christian as well and they have religious trauma and i just dont?

i think its ultimately the way my parents (specifically my mom) put it into our lives and expressed it without actually forcing it and how her views on it were much less fear and much more love than the average christian parent

but like, i used to go to church 3x a week**. tuesday, wednesday, and sunday. id read my bible and pray before bed every night, pray before meals, watch my Veggie Tales and whatever other christian media we were likely consuming. it wasnt just a background thing religion was a big part of my childhood, it was just never traumatic for me

the most religious trauma i have is that its usually a huge sign my mom isnt doing well when she gets super religious but that isnt actually caused by the religion

a huge part of it is probably that i was urged to be curious and ask questions and challenge ideas from a young age. as a child i was given space to speak my opinions about things even if other people hated it. my mom recently told me about when we were at the wednesday church and they basically said being gay was wrong, she said i gave them a look, like a side eye. as if i knew what gay people even were😭 she didnt scold me or tell me i was wrong for thinking the church was wrong, she said it opened her eyes to the stuff they were actually teaching us and whether it actually followed the values they preached about.

i think another huge part of it was that it wasnt truly ever forced on me. as a kid i had to go with my family to church ofc, but as i grew up i was given the space to explore other thoughts and ideologies without judgement. not being a christian was never made out to be this terribly wrong thing to me. it was encouraged to learn about other belief systems

its honestly heartbreaking to hear about peoples terrible experiences with religion, i think it can be a wonderful thing. i know the church and the system is flawed but the sense of community has a lot of potential

i dont know tho maybe thats just because i dont have those experiences. even though i grew up surrounded by it i never interject myself into those conversations because of my lack of bad experiences. even though i had a fine time so many others didnt and i think its very important to give people the space to talk about that

anyways ive been wanting to reread the bible since i dont actually remember a lot of it but every time i bring it up to my mom (she usually brings it up tho) she gets a bit sidetracked and starts yapping about a whole bunch of other stuff

im not christian now in case whoevers reading wondered

its been like 2 months of me working here and ive been on a steady schedule of friday-monday then they added thursday which is fine by me i like having more work

but this next week dude. i worked yesterday (thursday) all the way through tuesday😭

and then have wednesday and friday off like what is thissss

idek why

not even being able to have the typical comfort things

like icecream or a milkshake or something