zAkArIAh

= zakariah [zak.z] = queer guy [he.him] = 18 [10.10] = ny.usa =

- if these arent tagged you get blocked -

= gore [shown + mentioned] = bugs [shown + mentioned] =

= mentions of the cardiovascular system = paranoia triggers =

- important + donation links -

= people in Sudan = caring for wounds =

- things i like -

= cats = buttons = vampires = sparkles = energy drinks =

- things i do not like -

= butter = microfiber = chalk = most lotions = goat cheese =

- more below -

i also think thats why i feel like shit, the air quality is bad because of this and im getting warnings on my phone so thats fun

that thought process isnt only used for when i feel physically bad. any symptoms i have of any sort of disorders are automatically me faking it, not because im actually trying to but because nobody with a degree has told me i have those things. i dont like to share the things i believe i may have even if im 99% sure i have it, because you never know😭

but again like i guess its not normal to constantly be in pain. like idk how to describe the pain. i dont feel like im dying or about to pass out because its so bad, im not crying or anything, but still i feel like if i move i will not be able to stand because my legs and back hurt so badly. which ig is not normal but i was raised in a house where everything is normal even like your chest going numb (my mom literally told my sibling it was normal, it was not normal when they went to the doctor tho) so yk idrk whats normal and whats cause for concern so

im in constant pain tho and everytime im like “hey even tho i dont think theres anything actually going on (tho i lowkey do) i can still use xyz to make my life a bit easier” but then im like wait no thats actually evil because thats not for me its for someone who needs it and using it would be like a slap in the face to people who need it because i dont actually need it i am fine to live life without it so i shouldnt because thats so bad and actually nothing is going on. but i see people like “well actually you can use it because its there to make life easier, if it makes life easier then use it” but like still like maybe its wrong of me because there actually isnt anything there (idk havent been to the doctors in years)

but idk if its just the weather😭

my throat is all dry and i hate it so much

because of my mustache but i just told him it’s from the hairdye since it’s blonde and isn’t visible without it

and then he basically asked like how far i was gonna go with medically transitioning but i dont know exactly what he meant?? so i just told him idk yet

CHRISTINA PERRI COME BACK I NEED MORE THAN 2 ALBUMS 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭🙏

the research has spoken

basically

i am scared of losing control, and am stressed from the things i have to juggle atm. also im afraid of being/feeling disconnected and/or losing someone close to me. i am feeling scared and uncomfortable about my new beginnings, but i need to feel free and its a good choice. i also need to redirect my focus, and realize that what seems like limited choices is actually not so limited. i need to commit or formalize something, something that has to do with power? and im worried about my sister and im going to check up on her.