EVILEYEDOLL

the circuits are saying - i have a gut feeling the circuits are singing - i have a good feeling the sensors are pinging - i just noticed something

that RAM is reserved - i have too much on my plate right now / i have some responsibilities to work on the servos are stalling - i'm feeling very tired

Blade Emancipation

today i once again begin the ritual of trimming my blades. it takes an incredible amount of effort and precision for me not to become a whirling mass of a billion writhing swords. the world should thank me for being so graceful. instead i receive only scorn.

of this array that adorns my metal skin is one blade left completely untouched. every once in a while the need returns for me to transform into a sword again. the moment my sole untrimmed blade meets with another, i feel the energy surge within me again, and the vicious flurry starts anew. 

it takes years to trim all my blades perfectly down to a becoming appearance. but at the moment of bladeclash i am returned to being the very version of myself i used to be. the act of violence transforms every blade back to their original state. 

i am a mass of metal that never stops spinning. the peril meets its end only when willpower meets its conclusion.

The Mask on My Face Means Everything to Me

it's been a really chaotic month behind the scenes. drawing helps a little bit when i get the time for it.

Prideful Empire

Metal Made Real In Every Way, masks in the mirror in the dark arrayed, unfurl into a flurry of a billion blades, a mass of writhing metal you can see from far away.

If you've followed me for a while you will know that i am an asylum seeker, because threats to my safety in my home country mean i would have to detransition or be subject to violence if i ever returned. Yesterday the law firm i hired to help me with my case shut down, meaning i will have to hire a new one. This could cost thousands of dollars.

i have no idea how i'm going to keep going.

i often reflect on how it feels like the cost of pride and being visible is incredibly high, and many of the other trans refugees i know tell me similar stories. Regardless, it's still the the most important choice i've ever made. i think i want to celebrate having had the opportunity to be myself to some people even while the future is up in the air.

A bit about the drawing… i mostly tried this out just to see if i could meet the challenge in managing the composition. In the original, most of the characters have the same uniform, and so there's the impression they're blending into a larger whole with the exception of the foreground figure. Varying the colour means adjusting this balance a bit. the process video for this sure is something.

i wanted to emphasise how different each of them were, while still keeping them similarly designed enough to be reminiscent of each other. it did feel like a meditative brainstorming session at times.

Kuuga Invigilation

Green Somnia

Sometimes You Lose A Part Of Yourself That Never Comes Back

Metal Masked Machines, built in every shape, cast in every form, alone amongst their kind, and lost in every way. Metal Mask Machines, whose mirrors cannot seem, to reflect the selves they were, before it was today.

i'm gradually getting back into drawing, since this is one of my only outlets when i'm not working on the thesis. unfortunately it's still quite difficult for me to capture my own style from before the accident. something feels missing about the level and complexity of detail. 

Transient Representation

objects lost and found, reveal themselves again, reflected in a shape and form unknown to every one. mask makers unbound, in burning second sight, i saw a time before a time when solace had no name.

i was recently in a car accident, and the concussion and whiplash from it has made completing a lot of everyday tasks quite difficult in the short term. naturally this makes it similarly challenging to draw even in the times im not actively focusing on my thesis. mixed feelings about this.

Ripple Effect

Calm inside chaos inside the calm again, mask in the mirror where the self began, claws all aligned according to plan, waves washing over the pain that never ends

still wishing i could finish these all in one day. this one took a bunch of small breaks over the course of the week to finish, which I think leaves the design more confused than usual.

Big Beautiful Weapon

it's hard to really tell what i look like, so it's often hard to tell if the designs are meant to be representative of my own figure, or just something that feels beautiful.

anyway it's often the case that my figures are slim and spindly, mostly to look larger than life. i think one thing i enjoy about figure drawing in my casual art is drawing a lot of different body types, which doesn't necessarily make it into my gallery.

The Glass Burns Brighter on the Other Side

Clawed Connection

mostly working on my PhD recently so i haven't been drawing as often as before. really curious what pace i'll make new art at the rest of this year.

maybe one recent change is that when there is free time i've been spending more of it on exercise. it's strangely relaxing to spend a couple of hours at the gym, and i think the more intense and varied training has resulted in some big progress towards certain fitness milestones.

time for #artvsartist2025 - lots of little experiments this year. hopefully i'll get to try more new things next year too. feels a little different having my real face in there this time, still working on being more comfortable with it. until night time comes, i will be with you again.

incidentally, here are the ones from the last few years. the more that things change, the more that they stay the same.

I Was Made To Thrive in Perfect Darkness

The Pain from Yesterday Follows You For the Rest of Your Life