No Hope

Well, I have a tumblr, I’ve had one for quite some time. I also used to read his, I wanted to know what he was thinking. After that bad period of my life was over, I would skim for fun. But really curious now, what goes on in the brain of a vicious, toxic narcissist? Well, I might not ever really know especially not from reading that tumblr. It paints a pretty picture of a really ugly person sometimes. He plays the victim. His name on here goes by @vernonwashere and I don’t think you should get too close to this person for quite a few reasons. With this, i want to share some real and true memories I had that were the opposite of pleasant... so with this, here’s some things I’ll celebrate not doing because I’m not in that kind of hellish toxic relationship anymore. 1. I don’t have to listen to Elliot Smith if I don’t have to, and I for sure don’t want to, because that is all he would listen to and it felt forced on me, and all of that guys depression reminds me of being really tired. Really really tired. 2. I can sleep if I want to, and I don’t have to sleep outside and be made to feel bad for not doing that. In fact, I made a lot of progress in my life and finally got my own apartment. I can also sleep all day and not be made to feel guilty for it. Not by him, not by my current boyfriend, not by anyone. My boyfriend respects my sleep, my health, and any time I’m sad he wipes my tears away. 3. I don’t have to feel bad for crying or being really sensitive. My emotions are supported. I am validated. Also, I am not often made to cry. 4. I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to. If I’m tired, it’s ok. If i get depressed, it’s ok. If I want to listen to “depressing” music (Elliot Smith is the worst for this though and he’s so boring) I can listen to some 80’s goth and it’s not made fun of. It’s supported and loved. 5. I’m becoming a whole new version of myself that I’m growing quite fond of, because I’m growing, and I’m growing up. My belly is also not growing, it’s shrinking. But if I get some chub I’m not shamed for it. Progress has been made. A lot of it. I’m not who I was last year. And it’s because I got away. 6. I mainly stopped drinking too much. I’ve made slip ups but after, progress. 7. I don’t feel as angry anymore.