evie's library ౨ৎ

He sits up with a groan, rubbing the sleep off his eyes before looking both ways, wondering how to get out of bed without waking the two women up. He may not be that into them, but he wasn’t heartless enough to rip them out of their sleep. Eventually, he throws the sheets back and climbs over Saiyo since she seems to be in a deeper state of sleep, and then quickly covers her again, before stepping into the washroom to ready himself for the day. 

You and Hieto, the head of the Fire Nation’s Health and Wellness Department, were already waiting for him once he stepped inside the carriage. All Zuko offers is a light nod in his sorry state, too groggy to even say a simple good morning. Heito’s a true professional and greets the fire lord goodmorning, and you struggle to not look at him like he’s some diseased creature— which he’ll accept given what happened last night.

The ride to Republic City’s new rehabilitation center is quiet. The last time he was this quiet with you was the very first day you started working directly for him. He had already seen you around the palace grounds, but that was the first time you two had been face to face since you were children, before his father burned him and then banished him from the country. 

You were staring at it— the scar that was left behind. Not in judgement. If anything, it was more from sorrow. Having all of your attention left him feeling more shy than he’d like to admit— afraid to say the wrong thing, which he knows is ridiculous given his place in the hierarchy. 

One can never be too comfortable in his place, though. 

At times you’ll make fun of him for being too traditional, maybe even more traditional than his father in certain aspects, but he doesn’t have much of a choice. With the state his grandfather and father left the nation, there was a lot needed of him in order to appease all the sides that they had split up through years of war and tyranny. The most important being the relationships he kept with seven of the big clans.

It’s been difficult at times in the past, especially with yours, but it was still the easiest way to keep the peace. It was simple— keep a few concubines, pass a few harmless bills, meet people halfway. 

He’s gotten used to his duties over the years, yet he never truly gotten used to you. Or rather, the fact that he can’t have more. Having you as his advisor was the most Zuko was going to get. 

There was one point where he was dumb enough to think it might’ve worked, but now, it’d be a political death sentence if you two had gotten together. Not only did your family hold enough power and influence, but they also refused to align themselves with others— not even with the Fire Lord. It has always left the other clans feeling unsettled. 

For years, your clan has always gone along with the Fire Lord’s wishes— it has nothing to do with loyalty and all to do with the fact that they all just simply do their jobs, which they were scarily good at. Ozai wants war? Sure. Zuko wants peace amongst nations? No problem. 

Usually that’d be seen as a good thing, but given how the army itself has looked up to your grandfather and your father, that was an issue. Nobody would be surprised if half of them were secret loyalists, and that terrified everyone— the thought of your clan branching off one day and successfully staging a coup. 

Zuko choosing to have you as his advisor did absolutely nothing to ease their worries. You may have the same ideals as him, but no one forgot about the incident between you and your father when you turned 18 years old. You were young, ready for some freedom, and filled with rage after learning he signed you up for the military. Nobody forgot about the sheer amount of power they witnessed you exercise against him that day— sending bolts of lightning his way as you chased him down, yelling at him to take your name off of the roster. 

You were going to kill him.

It was just one of the many, many skeletons that are hidden in your family’s closet.

Zuko wasn’t there to witness it, but it didn’t surprise him one bit. The only time you were allowed to interact with kids your age was during school and training, you were never allowed to go outside and play. Of course you snapped the way you did. 

But that’s a story for another time. 

For now, just know the man has no idea what the hell to say to you after last night. Especially not with the expressionless look on your face at the moment, making him wonder if he should just pretend like nothing ever happened, too.  

He didn’t want to. You kissed him back with the same amount of eagerness before pushing him away, after all— he wasn’t going to forget that any time soon. 

. . . . . 

There’s a few rehabilitation centers scattered throughout the city, with each location having its own focus and goal. The one you arrive at is at the edge of the town, closer to the mountains, and can be considered to be a correctional facility. 

To your surprise, the first one to greet the three of you is a very sober Aang. You’d think he’d be a little hungover, but a night out clearly doesn’t stop the Avatar from being a morning person. 

Then there’s Zuko, who needs a fucking nap. You took one look at him in the carriage this morning and knew he didn’t even try. He tied his hair up in a bun and ditched the usual royal get-up for a tunic and training pants. The only thing that hints at him being the Fire Lord is the robe he threw on since it has the imperial symbol on the back, but even then, his demeanor was more of a prince slacking off on his duties. 

Good thing the Avatar was there to remind the entire staff who they were all in the presence of.

“Alright, on your knees everyone!” Aang looks around behind him and shouts, cupping his hands together at his mouth so everyone could hear him loud and clear. “Lord Big Dick has arrived. Mhm, yup— look at him.” 

There’s not a glint of joy in Zuko’s eyes as he walks further inside. It felt less like a government facility and more like a circus with all the clapping Aang is doing. As if he couldn’t be any more peeved at the moment, the employees do end up getting on their knees. 

“Please stop bowing,” he murmurs, feeling his brain start to pound against his skull harder.  

Aang crosses his arms and smiles rather proudly, further agitating the Lord. “Yeah, you see that? Sexy and humble.” 

“I—“ Zuko cuts himself off, then takes a long, deep breath in hopes to ground himself. “Hey, Aang?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Stop talking.”

All the Avatar does in return is laugh. Getting on the Lord’s last nerve is fun, especially when you’re one of the very few individuals that can get away with it, but that grumpy Lord is still his friend, which is why he decides to lay off and take it easy on him for the rest of the tour. 

The main difference between this facility and the ones back in the Fire Nation is that this one actually tries to help correct behavior rather than punish it. 

Key word: Try. 

Not everyone wanted to be saved.

What immediately caught your attention was how clean the facility was. It wasn’t some cold, dusty place where people were left to rot. If anything, the natural lightning and addition of indoor plants made it feel more like a nice getaway.

Of course, there were people still in confinement, but you were pleasantly surprised to learn that a majority of the people in the program were free to walk around. They all looked happy to be there, too— whatever they were doing was clearly working.

You and Heito spoke to a handful of the members, all of whom were eager to share their stories and most importantly, proud to talk about how far they’ve come. Most had similar stories of trauma and hardships, with their crimes being a direct result of being forced to suffer through it all alone. 

Some have come to accept it, some have even forgiven themselves— then there was one guy that tried to take his anger out on Zuko. He wasn’t even mad about getting cussed out. His fathers reign of terror wasn’t that long ago— his family probably was the cause of all this poor man’s problem. 

You will never understand how Zuko can stay so calm while having someone practically bark in his face, let alone allow them to. He got a reaction out of him once, and that was when he told him he had a small dick— Zuko laughed, because it’s really fucking not, then apologized. 

The slew off insults ended with the one last final, “Fuck you— Your father ruined so many fuckin’ lives, I hope that evil bastard rots in hell.”

“Yeah, me too,” Zuko responds in a tone that’s way too casual, which throws the man off because he said a lot.

He was expecting him to respond with something more rehearsed. It didn’t even sound like he was trying to relate to the guy, his words just came off more as a parent tired of their child embarrassing them. 

You’d think his father would stop being less of a thorn in his side given how he’s been behind bars for years now, but he still finds ways to inconvenience Zuko. 

Just last week, he had to stand there and listen to another sob story about how he’s getting older and needed to be treated with dignity— his definition of dignity being released and put in a nice home, somewhere far away with lots of servants. His father does it every three moments. It’s the only time he requests to speak with him, actually. 

He usually comes up with a respectful way to turn him down, since he’s the one that wanted to treat that evil piece of shit with dignity in the first place— a big mistake by the way, dignity’s been his favorite fucking word ever since. 

Zuko wasn’t in the mood to fake being nice, but he wasn’t exactly in the mood to be rude, either. Instead he crouched down, looked him in the eye and made a joke that Ozai did not find funny. 

“How about this,” Zuko began to strike a deal with him, bringing a glint of hope in his old man’s eyes. “I’ll let you out of here when the scar around my eye magically disappears.”

It took a moment for his father to process those words. 

Zuko likes to describe his father as someone that gets deeply offended from the sight of joy— to the point where Ozai actually threatened to kill him once for laughing too hard when he was 7 years old. So, you can only imagine how enraged he was when he realized his son was poking fun at him and at the scar that was supposed to bring him shame. 

‘Worthless, deformed bastard’ was one of the many insults his father threw at him as he walked away, yet the only thing that stuck to him was the grating pitch in Ozai’s voice as continued to have a meltdown. He can just hear his father yelling now, and it’s hurting his fucking teeth. 

The member is still staring at Zuko in disbelief once he snaps out of it. 

“What was your name again?” Zuko asks. 

“…Haru?” 

“That’s easy to remember,” Zuko says to himself, not exactly paying attention to Haru's sudden change in attitude. He never really cared for it to begin with. “If you ever find yourself interested in becoming an imperial guard, I’ll have a spot waiting for you.” 

Haru looks at you and Heito in confusion, making you chime in. “You don’t have to. But, if you do, just know that everyone who works at the palace is well taken care of. Lots of opportunities for advancement, as well. I’m sure you’ll find it very rewarding.”

You couldn’t help but add that last part, knowing Zuko only offered him the job to fuck with Ozai a little. The former tyrant already has three big meals a day, clean clothes, a comfy futon and a couple of board games to keep him entertained, he can handle a little day to day banter.

The visit ends with a small chat with Aang and one of the program directors, Jin, in the courtyard. They were both aware of the rising tension in the Fire Nation, but didn’t know about the brothel incident in the Silk District until you told them— piquing Jin’s interest more than you had expected.

Zuko’s pretty much back to normal too, not that it makes much of a difference. He’s always been more of a listener and would rather let everyone else speak first. 

And when he does finally speak, it’s because you’re asking him a question. 

“What do you think of taking Jin back with us when we leave?” you ask him.

Zuko takes one look at the awkward man and almost rolls his eyes at how flattered he is that you want to take him home like he’s some kind of pet. He doesn’t even bother asking if he’d be okay with being borrowed, he’s clearly begging for it. 

“Yeah,” he nods, faking the enthusiasm in his tone, then turns to Heito. “You already have a location in mind, right?” 

Heito nods. “Yes, Sir.” 

“Alright, cool.”

His tone came out clipped as he side-eyed the director, ready to tell him that he’s standing too close to you and that he is not your fucking type. The only thing that stopped him was Heito, who asked if everyone was ready to go— Zuko’s answer being almost immediate.

“Let’s go.”

. . . 

The next day is spent visiting an orphanage.

At first, it brought that same heavy feeling the correction center brought, maybe even more since you’re around a bunch of innocent children. You’d say that it’s probably the highlight of your trip, though, thanks to all the little moments of joy they brought throughout the day.

From the start, you knew it’d be hard to leave once you saw how excited they were. Running up to you to show off their drawings, talking about their favorite subjects in school— also eager to tell their stories like the members from yesterday, just in their own way. 

“E-Excuse me!” A little boy begins to pat on Zuko’s leg, trying to get his attention. “What happened to your eye?” he asks, unable to hide his concern.

It’s a question he gets every time he’s around children— he was pretty much waiting just for it at that point. 

“Oh, this?” He crouches down with a smile. “I got burned in an accident when I was younger.” 

Obviously not the truth, but that’s not a story you tell a five year old.

The kid tilts his head. “Does it hurt?” 

“Nah, I’m alright,” he says, suppressing a laugh as he ruffles the kids' hair. 

“Yeah, he’s strong!” another kid says, and Zuko easily agrees with that. 

You would’ve laughed had you not noticed a girl, who had to be around three, trying to get your attention. She’s been staring at you for quite some time now and shuffled away when you tried to say hi, but you guess she finally mustered up the courage to say something. 

“I like pink,” she quietly reveals, pointing at the lining of your robe. You’re still not wearing your nation's colors and opted to wear white and light pinks today. 

“I like pink, too.” You smile as she makes herself comfortable, reaching out and touching your robe, intrigued by silky texture as well. “Is pink your favorite color?” 

“Yeah!” She smiles back, quickly warming up to you. “Are you a princess?” 

You laugh a little. “A princess? No, I’m just a normal girl.” Your mood’s immediately ruined when you hear Zuko snort at that— you don’t even know why he’s even trying to intrude on your conversation right now, this little girl clearly likes you more. “What?”

“You come from a family full of nobles,” he reminds you with a smug grin, then looks at the little girl. “She is a princess.” 

She giggles and jumps around a little. “Are you a prince?” 

He grins, like a fucking asshole. “Close— I’m a king.” 

You roll your eyes, muttering “whatever” under your breath before a bunch of kids start asking him different questions all at the same time. 

Aside from Heito, who left hours ago, the Fire Lord’s visit lasted the entire day. You were supposed to leave around lunch, yet you stayed for lunch and dinner. The little girl, who you came to know as Mira, stayed glued to your hip the entire time. At one point she took a nap in your arms after tiring herself out, but not before making sure you’d still be there when she woke up. 

You guess the good thing about working for Zuko is that he doesn’t rush you while you try and fail to say goodbye to Mira. He stayed back, leaning against the door as he quietly watched.

“Are you coming back tomorrow?” she asks with a pout on her face. 

Zuko also sees a slight pout on your face as you hesitate to answer. “I don’t know… we have a lot of work to do tomorrow. If I can’t, do you want me to send you letters?” 

The kid lets out a defeated sigh. “But— but I don’t know how to read.” 

“That’s okay,” you hum and rub her arm. “Your teacher can read it to you and you can tell her what to write back.” 

Her eyes light up. “Really?” 

“Yeah, of course.” You easily promised the girl, unaware of the fond look that always manages to appear on Zuko's face whenever he sees you at the orphanage back home. “You can tell me all about school and what you’ve been up to.” 

Her little smile returns as she nods. “Okay!” 

The little agreement between you made it easier for her to go back to her caretaker afterwards without crying. The man you’re now sitting alone with on the way back could say the same for you. You’d never admit it, though. 

For a moment, he seriously thought you were going to bring her back home with you, given how quick you were to bring back the director from yesterday, too. 

“You should’ve seen the caretaker's face when you decided she was going to read and write those letters for Mira,” he says, breaking the uncomfortable silence that set in once you stepped out of the orphanage.

You curse under your breath, you never even asked if she’d be okay with that. “I hope she doesn’t get tired from it. Fuck— what if she just throws my letters away? She’s gonna think I lied to her.” 

“I doubt it,” he stifles a laugh. “You can always have one of the fire representatives make visits and handle the letters for her, if you want.” 

“You actually think they’d do that?” 

“Sure.” He shrugs. It’s not like they’d have much of a choice if it’s a direct order from him. “They deal with assholes all the time, it’d probably be a nice break for them.” 

“I guess,” you hum. “I want it to be someone that’s a little more gentle, though. They’re all so serious, it’d probably scare her.” 

“We’ll get someone that has daughters to do it, then,” he says, determined to help you keep your promise to the kid. 

“Thank you,” you quietly say— had he been any further, he probably wouldn’t have heard you.

More silence. The discomfort it brought made it difficult to fully breathe. You had no idea what to say to him— especially not when that kiss started to replay in your mind. Heat creeped up your neck as you continued to push the image away.

Eventually, you come to the conclusion that there was only one way out of this mental torture, and that was to apologize.

“So uhm…” You barely look at him, instead you mess with your robe. “I wanted to say I’m sorry for being cold towards you these last few weeks.” 

He raises his head, looking stupidly happy about being the one to receive an apology first. “You sure you’re not just saying that because you had fun today?” 

“…Maybe.” A smile starts to tug at your lips, just glad he responded with something lighthearted. “I shouldn’t have dragged it out for that long, though. Sorry for making everything more difficult than it should’ve been.” 

“Don’t worry about it. I wasn’t exactly making it easy for you when you wanted to stay back.” He leans back in his seat, remembering how he went straight to demanding that you come along. “It wasn’t fair of me to try to talk to you when I was drunk and mad, either. I’m sorry about that.”

“Thank you,” you murmur, still playing with the lining of your robe, “...for the apology and for throwing out the chancellors' request to investigate the damages done in the east wing.” 

“No need to mention it.” He waves a hand, brushing it off as if he wasn’t startled by the sudden crack of lightning.

He’s going to pretend like he wasn’t considering filing charges against your clan, either— not because he felt that you needed to be reprimanded, but because he wanted to add a tally to his side of the scoreboard. 

The funny thing is you still have no idea about your clan paying for the damages. Your father didn’t even have to ask if it was you. All it took was one of his soldiers mentioning the incident for his fatherly intuition kicked in, making him extend the training break so he could slip the lord some hush money.

Zuko politely refused at first, hoping it’d build some sort of trust with your father, only to quickly realize there was absolutely nothing to build on. He truly didn’t care to form alliances with anyone outside of his family.

“I appreciate your forgiveness, but my daughter is still indebted to you. I won’t be able to sleep at night as her father knowing it could be used as leverage to turn her into some useless concubine—“ 

Zuko’s eyes widened. “No, I-I would never do that—“ 

“Right, right.” He doesn’t believe him one bit. “Unfortunately, your words bring me no comfort, but neither does the word of god. So please, allow me to soothe my spirit by taking responsibility for my daughter’s mistakes.” 

That entire interaction left Zuko staring at the wall for over half an hour, insulted and confused by the strategists' lack of trust in him. 

He clears his throat, pushing past the silence before it grows uncomfortable again. “I haven’t gotten the chance to thank you for today and yesterday.”

You blink a couple times. “...For what?” 

“You know.” Zuko does some awkward hand gesture and you still don’t know. “Like talking and getting to know everyone in the programs.” 

“Oh… thanks,” you say, still confused as to where this is coming from. “I haven’t been doing anything different, though.”

“I appreciate it either way,” he says, somehow managing to be both vague and straightforward. “I don’t know how you do it.”

“Do what?” you nearly laugh, convinced he’s talking just to talk at this point.

“Fuck— everything,” he huffs, unsure where to even start— you’re fucking perfect. “Always asking the right questions, coming up with solutions with everyone's best interest in mind— all the thought and effort. Even in conversations, you always know what to say. Heito sucks at getting to know people.” 

“Are you sure you’re not just trying to get on my good side again?”

“No, I’m just— half the council doesn’t give a shit,” he admits. “At least you do.” 

His comment about the council pulls a small laugh out of you, then dies down into a hum. “Of course I do. I can’t take it out on the civilians. It’s not their fault that their Lord is—“

“Is what?” he murmurs, daring you to finish that statement.

You innocently shrug. “A little moody.”

“That’s what I thought,” he chuckles. “Lucky for them his advisors on the public’s side.”

“Mhm— exactly.”

If only your father knew just how much Zuko agreed with him— it wouldn’t be fair to the world if he kept you locked away. He has you to thank for a majority of the good decisions he’s made. At this point, your opinion’s more valuable than his. He might get annoyed seeing other men stare at you sometimes, but it’s never stopped him from bringing you wherever he goes. He wanted you to be admired and remembered by others.  

The idea of taking you in as a concubine has always been out of the question, despite what that crazy old man thinks. 

“I can’t think of anyone more deserving of a crown.”

The carriage creaks.

You can’t help but just stare. 

And Zuko stares back, because he fucking means it. 

He’s also aware of how much you hate hearing this stuff. For some reason, it leaves you very, very vulnerable and that’s the one thing you don’t know how to handle. 

Unfortunately, Zuko knows exactly how to break you down a bit. He enjoys watching you spiral, too. He’s just not sure which one’s worse at this point.

“That’s not,” The words die out in your throat, you want to crawl out of your skin. “You can’t just say things like that.”

“Yeah, I know.” The soothing tone he uses does nothing to settle you, there’s not one ounce of remorse in it. “It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not. I— are you dumb?” you struggle to find the words, and it’s an amusing sight to see. 

“I’d appreciate it if you didn’t ask your Lord such disrespectful questions,” he playfully scolds you, hoping it makes you worse so he can show you just how little he cares. 

“You have an entire courtyard of women waiting for that crown.” 

“It’s not for them.”

“Yes, it is!” You can’t help but snap at him. “That’s the whole point of their families sending them here— to have your kids!”

“It’s not a requirement.”

“No, it’s not because it just happens when you do your part.” You continue to scold him, even more annoyed at fact that you even have to explain that “God, you’re so difficult— you have so many to choose from, why can’t you just fucking pick one?!”

“I like being difficult.” He looks away as he huffs out a laugh, knowing it’ll just get worse if he continues to look at you. “Nobody’s getting that crown.”

You let out a long sigh. “You can’t just joke about stuff like that.” 

Zuko just nods and lets you believe whatever you want to believe.

He wasn’t kidding, though— that crown is yours. He’ll melt that thing down to a useless rock before anyone else could have it. 

“I’m serious— the council’s already asking questions about the next heir.” 

It’s only been brought up once, but once is enough to get the ball rolling. The topic will only become more frequent with time, and if they heard him talking like this, there will be a push.

“As if I don't have bigger things to worry about, like the crime rate shooting up,” he laughs bitterly.

He decided a long time ago that everyone was going to have to wait for an heir. He already has millions of citizens to take care of and he’s clearly not doing enough with the Silk District plummeting to hell. 

It might be too late to try to look at the bright side, but you felt a little bad for the sudden wave of stress that topic brought over him. “At least you’re doing something about it.”

“I’m trying.” He turns to look outside the carriage and catches some of the moonlight peeking through. “Go easy on me in the mean time— I’m stressed.”

“Right.” You hold back a laugh and nod. “You say that as if I’m the one that starts the fights.” 

“You should probably start remembering how important you are, then. I need you around,” he reminds you, this time around it’s said with a certainty that leaves no room for extra questions.

For once, you allow yourself to look at the way it highlights the features of his face— from his nose, to his eyes, to his jaw. So sharp. Yet even now in all his seriousness, there’s still something so soft about him. For the longest time you wondered what it was, only for you to remember what Zuko was like as a kid. He had his moments like any other child— cried a lot, too— but he always tried to do the right thing, even after all of the suffering he’s gone through. 

He’s just a good person. 

Time has only proven his father wrong— a child born with a heart of gold was the luckiest of them all.

. . . . .

Time moves slow when you’re miserable. It explains why you’re already boarding the air ship to go back home— the rest of the trip went by in a blink of an eye once you finally settled things with Zuko. 

You didn’t expect much from this trip aside from touring facilities and learning about the new programs— now you’re leaving with more people than you came with. There’s a little over a dozen volunteers, one of them being Jin, the director from the correction facility. 

At first you were worried Zuko would be stand-offish with him. It’s hard not to after catching him glaring at the guy, multiple times, for no reason when they first met, but he ended up being more preoccupied with something else. 

He was more quiet than usual, troubled over whatever thoughts were running through his mind. Then from the corner of your eye, you catch him looking at you four separate times.

The fifth is when you finally give him attention.

“Are you sure you don’t want to stop by the orphanage real quick and grab Mira?” 

“She’s a child,” you remind him, since he’s treating adoption like a grocery store run. “I can’t just rip her away from her home at the last minute. Besides, they probably won’t even allow that.” 

Zuko can’t say he’s too surprised at the way you immediately lashed out at him. It’s been well over an hour since you’ve said goodbye to the kid and your eyes are still puffy.

“What if they did allow it?” 

“Why are you even asking me this right now? I can’t adopt a child right now,” your eyes start to well up again, voice threatening to break in a whine. “Who’s going to watch her?”

He’s not used to seeing you cry and pauses in fear of saying something that’ll lead to actual tears. He probably should’ve worded it better from the start. This entire idea was last minute to begin with. 

“I don’t know I was just thinking, since she’s the youngest and nobody wants to play with her, we can just move her to the orphanage at the palace. Most of the kids there are on the younger side anyway.”

“Wait.” The tears stop, you take in a sharp breath. “She won’t have to play in the corner by herself anymore. Do you think they’d actually let us do that?” 

Zuko has spent the last 6 days watching you build a bond with a little girl who adored you from the start, then he had to watch your heart break in fucking half when you had to say goodbye— never again.

He will literally kidnap Mila if he has to. 

It probably won’t be that difficult in your case, though. Her caretakers already know how much you adore her. They’ve seen the way her eyes light up when you’re around. She might not be going to a traditional family, but for all the selfish reasons people can have children, he sees nothing wrong with you taking her back home so she doesn’t have to play alone anymore.

So, yes, he thinks they will let you do that.

chapter recap:

- we met zuko’s dad and he lw hates him 🙂‍↕️

- more of readers backstory. she pretty much refuses to be with zuko bc her clans seen as problematic and since she’s not a concubine, it’ll probably set some people off. if the clans aren’t balanced, it could lead to a rebellion/someone trying to take the throne. readers also annoyed that he won’t fuck his concubines because not having an heir also causes civil unrest and could also lead to someone else trying to take the throne lol so she cares! she just wants to live in a peaceful country

- zuko hated seeing reader cry so much he gave her a baby (there’s an orphanage in the palace grounds that reader can visit her in)

- im sure im missing something

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