meow enthusiast @evidentlyearnest - Tumblr Blog

im earnest, i go by he/him and im an adult

if u wanna chat, dms are open

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xx-lorelai-xx

up in the bedroom straight up "cvtt1ng it". and by "it", haha let's justr say my myslef.

#i want to soooooooooo bad but i have nothing to cut with at all at all at all

tragicburnout

i feel like there is a sleep in me that needs to be slept but each time i sleep i don't sleep that sleep

me and my beautiful nausea!!! wowie so good i can really feel you

think this may b a migraine???? like woke up w that kinda sharp headache behind my eye and light feels evil and yesterday i saw so so so tired and unable to focus

torstherapy

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1. i do not think. there will be a change in economic system - it would need a global change and that is not starting in ie, besides that here there is not the hunger or drive for it. Also there is such a chokehold by these companies and their leaders are hard to intimidate seeing as they are literally not even in this country #absenteelandlordism2

2. if there is one, it will not happen on a meaningfully fast enough timescale to effectively mitigate the climate crisis. if you change the current miserable world order you have to deal with the fallout from that and the reorganisation of everything

3. At the same time i see how our current system disincentives the rapid change we need to avoid the worst case senario

4. I'm sorry mao was fully a dictator, i dont care he wasnt as bad as other ppl. There are things i admire about china however their political system, the fact theyve made china swallow other smaller nations around them, the lack of voting rights, the lack of social mobility for rural ppl, the lack of ability to organise and protest fundamentally makes fhe prolotariat suffer

5. I'm not fully a marxist, I'm not a liberal either. i just sknoe this isnt working, so i will organise with you. i wish there wasnt so much leftist infighting tho

6. Please look after yourself. i love you and im worried you've lost weight, you're back drinking, you have so much going on. you need a break. I'm here for you if you need me

Do ppl know what are the actual bounds for what will get ur post taken down? Like my post abt being squeamish abt beans and not wanted to do them was "promoting self harm"

What have ppl been termed or had posts taken down for? Like idc abt the post, i just don't think i could cope with being termed

#cvt #sh #slfharm #cvtter nation

ceruleanheaven

all that and i havent killed myself yet i must really love this stupid fucking life

I don't really know how to deal wth dad? Like it's seemed like he's had an interest in my life at all the past two years. We rarely talked at all, and not abt my life or anything. I was excited coming home from france because I would have have something to talk about with him - when anto comes home from abroad dad always has a sit down chat with him but he just kept watching tv. It's probably on me too bc i started avoiding him.

He was so so so so eager for me to leave too, it was all he'd ever ask me. It's been such a relief leaving, I'm so much less stressed. I don't rlly know how to navigate contacting him though. I'm a chatty person, I just don't hsve much to say to him. It feels like imposing on him to reach out and it's hard to think about anything to talk to him about.

but now apparently he wants to chat? To text and to call and he's been chatting to my brother and my nana about me? like i feel vaguely guilty, i just don't know how to deal with him

#vent post

god god god god do i really wanna do paelo? yes yes i do with all my heart and soul with everything i have but I don't think i have the constitution for it i really dont at all, i think academia has killed me totally and completely . but also my pervasive interest throughout bachleors and the geo i spend the most time thinking abt and am awed with is paelo

OK!!

work for a few years, get pussy up get money up, save up, take a break from the academic grindset (genuinely so so so crazy exhausting it hurts so bad) and fix metal health get normal

THEN -> IF STILL INTO PAELO DO NOT KILL SELF AND DO MASTERS -> IF LIKE MASTERS AND WANT TO WORK IN IT PHD AFTER

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i kinda feel bad about how angry i was at dad and maria

#its wierd its difficult tor live with them but also they really do care #but also i think that makes the ache worse

TRYING NOT TO EXPLODE BADLY

i actually cant deal with this woman

Mostly trying to off myself hasn't had any lasting effects but passing by the lidl aov took me to the next day just sent this wave of emotion over me.

It was like - oh god that actually was real - i Remember my brother calling me, i remember getting chocolate for him so it would break the news easier. I remember eating a really good sandwich with aov. I remember not feeling much at all just out of it and vaguely sheepish.

#i felt sorry for putting my brother through that #i still am

i can simply see ger for 20 mins over a period of 4 days and she will still make a comment to upset me

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you really just had to make a comment maria AGAGAGGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGGAGAGAGA

srsly guys give crying a go

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