what a mess

my constant internal dialogue.

my granddad just called me to tell me how big his cauliflowers are growing and it was so cute theyre “TWICE as big as the ones you get in the shop”

i told my granddad this post has 3,500 notes and he said ‘who are they? do i know them?’ he wanted me to list everyone and see if he knew anyone

If you don’t reblog cauliflower granddad, then you’re just a mean person.

“I ATE MY DOG. TASTE WAS GOOD”

I HATE MY GOTHIC HAMSTER

I NEED IN MY COFFEE SOME SUGAR

I CAN MAKE ALL THESE HAND MOTIONS

I DEMAND ALL THE DAMN SHOE

I MADE DOGS SOME SOUP

I AM NOT CABBAGE STEW

white ppl have the audacity to make fun of poc names but call their child dick

brain: Treat Yo Self ;) wallet and bank account: Please Do Not Treat Yo Self

I WILL REBLOG THIS UNTIL I DIE

the standard ‘murder will not be tolerated in this family’ lecture

The best part is that the crab is the symbol for the zodiac sign Cancer, so in a way even the crab itself is a metaphor