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2017 is the year I started living. I can't seem to remember much of what had happened before 2017. It does not come naturally like a scarf in the wind on a warm sunny day that wraps around you, gracefully; detectable.

I guess music is what ties it all together for me. It was in the 8th grade that I had just gotten my first mobile phone. A new form of bullying had arrised in the 21st century. Did you have a phone? And was it an iPhone? After tirously begging my parents for a cell phone (since the 5th grade) they caved in. It was a really cheap smart phone, an android. Controlled by Optimum, so I could only make calls on wifi, no data at all. With this, came the possibility of listening to spotify on the go.

Insane. HUGE. for me. That summer I had spent it like the last, watching movies everyday, reading a book everyday, take a walk and go on the internet. I also spent that summer doing three things, become obsessed with twilight, become obsessed with Adam Driver from Star Wars, and watch every movie listed on his IMDB and eventually watch HBOs Girls. (this explains a lot about me, i was 13 that summer) I began listening to the soundtracks of the twlight saga, and playlists of songs featured on HBOs Girls. Pretty quickly the spotify algorithm led my music taste in a swift direction. I fell in love with Discover Weeklys (which was a lot better way back when)

By the time the first day of high school had rolled around I had felt like I had the coolest taste in music ever in the world. Looking back now it was cute, totally genuine, totally curious and totally willing. The old music trickled with the new. My entire middle school listening career was David Bowie, The Beatles, Florence and the Machine, Panic! at the Disco, MGMT, Foster the People, Melanie Martinez, M83, Paramore... and it transitioned into Mac Demarco, Cigarettes after sex, No Vacation, Gorillaz, etc etc.

Im 20 years old and I have lacked in expressing whats been aching inside of me.

"Is anyone a poet?" asked my english lit professor in rome, on the first day of class. No one raised their hand. My boyfriend at the time elbowed me and whispered into my ear "arent you a poet?". I kept my hand down. She was amused at the fact that no one had said yes, disapointed and shocked. She excalimed that just because nothing of our work had been published or praised by others, it doesnt mean anything less about our spirit as a writer.

I guess I am a writer? I suck at poetry, more so that I don't really try. I'm sure the forced yearly poem english assignments were not half bad. If you can excuse the bear to have to read a 4th graders poem on why spring has no more gloom, because everything has started to bloom. lol. I've written a lot. I've kept journals since elementary school.

I know how to write, its like second nature. I grew up an only child so the only way I knew to get things out and pass time were through writing and music. I've always wanted to create, but I didn't know how. I have all these ideas in my head, and all these things that could make me an artist. I am an artist. I want people to look at me and say "shes an artist".

I want to be all these things:

a photographer, a writer, a musician, a visual artist, a mosaic artist, a sculpturer, a printmaker, a comedian, a creative writer, an essayist like lena dunham and kurt Vonnegut, a memoirist, a play write, a poet, a film maker, a graphic designer, a director, a playlist curator, a calligrapher, a carpenter (building, jesus, part of the band that made the song yeesterday once more), a crocheter, an embroiderer, a bracelet maker, a quilter, an architect, a botanist, a floral shop owner, a singer, a guitarist, a violinsit, a pianist, a trumpter, a saxophone player, an actor, an intellectual, a historian, a film historian, a music historian, a new york historian, a medieval historian, a tudor historian, a roman historian, a traveler, a tour guide, a volunteer, a teacher, a curator, an immigration lawyer, a music producer. I want to be so many things!!!

but lets start here.