EvansPitt

- Jack Abbott

- Dana Evans

- Cassie McKay

- Mel King

- Trinity Santos

- Dennis Whittaker

“Okay but let me just ask this one thing. I’ve been dying to ask this question ever since we found out that you guys were together!” Cassie almost shouts as she struggles to speak over everyone in the bars combined voices.

“Whos the top? Or the dom?” She finally finishes as everyone quietens down enough for her to ask properly.

You smirk into your beer as you make eye contact with Trinity. Her right eye twitches at the look on your face, she knows that look all too well.

All night you’d been a brat. It started with getting ready, when you made sure to wear a tank top that showed your biceps off, something you know Trinity hates other people getting to see. Then on the train you ignored her call to sit with you, instead choosing to sit next to Mel who spent the entire ride comparing your arms together and asking about your workout routine.

But since you’d been sitting down, you kept trailing your foot up her calf. You’d conveniently sat yourself opposite her so that you could get away with it. Every time she went to say something, your boot would brush her calf and she’d freeze, blush and then stutter to continue.

So when Cassie had asked that question to you both, you knew what had to happen.

“C’mon. You mean you can’t tell?” You tease, not giving them an outright answer.

You knew they couldn’t tell. You and Trinity had both been as careful as possible when you started dating, so careful that no one even knew you were together until 6 months later when you and her tried to sneak off after work and got caught by Whitaker who can’t keep secrets.

“It’s you isn’t it?!” Vic replies, excitedly pointing to you, a drunken smile plastered on her face.

You shrug in response. It’s cocky, something that Trinity would’ve bent you over her lap for at home. But right now, she lets you have your fun. You know it’s her you’ll be begging for forgiveness for later.

Everyone cheers and yells “I told you!” In each other's faces, some even pass each other money.

You overhear someone mutter “I bet they have like a daddy kink or something.” But it’s lost in the sea of voices as to who it was.

You chuckle at the words and shrug with a face that says ‘maybe. Maybe not’

“She totally does.” Mel whispers, forgetting the fact she’s next to Trinity so she definitely heard it, even if her face doesn’t show she did.

Eventually they move on from you both, being called boring for not giving much away. They begin to ask Cassie and Baran personal questions instead.

You take yourself out of the conversation for this and instead look over at Trinity, who wasn’t even looking in your direction. She was staring at her phone, typing something with her jaw clenched harder than it should.

Seconds later, your phone vibrates. When you pick it up, the preview reads the entire message. It’s short, but it gets the point across.

│Stop being a brat.

Part of you wants to shrink into yourself and apologise now. But then you think about how you’ve gone too far now. Might as well make it worse.

You pick the phone up and unlock it, opening the messages app before quickly typing something.

│ But I’m having so much fun :(

Your message goes unanswered, her voice turned off and face down on the table.

You try to catch her eye a few times, but she’s ignoring you completely now. Her eyes constantly on whoever’s talking, giving them her full attention instead.

You begin to think about how you’ve upset her, and your mind starts racing. Oh shit you’ve really fucked up, now you’re in for it.

Her hands trace the neck of the beer bottle, her veins bulging as she makes a fist and unclenches before doing it again.

You stand up after a few minutes, heading to the bar. It’s a short wait, the bartender almost immediately heading towards you. You order two more beers and pay before walking over to your table again. You place the first one in front of Trinity, hoping she looks at you for even a second. She doesn’t. She just picks the bottle up and takes a gulp.

You sigh and go back to your seat, sitting down and getting comfortable.

You’re mid conversation with Dana who’s sat to your left when you feel it. Someone’s boot is on top of yours. It rests for a moment before it slides up your calf. You expect it to stop there but it doesn’t. It trails up to your knee, strokes your thigh and plants itself against your crotch.

You gasp halfway through your sentence and have to quickly school it behind a cough. Dana’s already petting your back and passing your drink.

“You okay, kid?” She asks sweetly. The poor woman doesn’t have a clue.

You nod, taking a drink and clearing your throat. “I’m okay, thank you.”

The conversation starts up again as you slide your hand under the table and place it shading her boot. You finally look at her face as you begin to try and push the boot away from your crotch.

Trinity doesn’t even look your way as she pushes back, her legs stronger than your hand. Trinity always favoured working her legs than her arms. You try and push her boot a few more times before she looks at you properly.

It’s the first time she’s looked at you for a while. But you wished she hadn’t. Her eyes are dark and full of fury. The look in her eyes is usually enough to send you to your knees crying, right now is no different.

You gulp silently, taking your hand away and placing it back on the table. She nods satisfied and goes back to talking with Mel.

You try to talk to Dana, but every few seconds, the boot presses down and slowly grinds against your cunt. It makes you moan the first time, but it’s so loud that no one even hears you.

It’s 15 minutes of torture before she finishes her beer and stands up. She lets you have one final moment when she says “Hey baby. I’m not feeling too good. Can we go home?”

You stare at her with your mouth opened slightly. It takes a moment for your brain to register her words before you stand up and take your jacket. “Yeah of course. Let’s go.”

She takes your jacket from your hands, slipping her arms through the sleeves. You know she’s doing it so it looks like you’re being the knight in shining armour and saving her from the cold. When in reality, it’s punishment. Leaving you cold while she’s wrapped up.

The walk to the train station is painful, she walks four steps ahead of you, her black jeans and combat boots dragging on the cement.

The train ride is even worse, she makes you sit while she stands opposite you. It’s only at this moment that you realise she’s been packing all night.

Your mouth goes dry at the sight. You wonder if anyone saw that she was packing, or if anyone saw through your lies.

By the time you’ve walked back up to your apartment, your boxers are soaked and there’s an apology on the tip of your tongue.

Unfortunately the apology never makes it out because the door is opened, you’re thrown in and then slammed against it. Your face hits the wood as you feel Trinity step behind you and against you.

“Do you think it’s funny to continually test me like that? You had our friends going there. You’re lucky they already know the truth sweetheart. Otherwise we’d have a bigger problem.” She whispers in your ear, her hands roaming along your waistband, unbuckling your belt and pulling your zipper down.

“No. No Trin I-” you start, but it’s cut off by a whine as her fingers slip into your boxers.

“You’re soaked. Who’s this for? Me? Or maybe Mel? You got on very well with her earlier.” She muses, enjoying the way your body reacts to her words.

“You. Always you. I don’t want Mel. Please.” You beg, already giving in as he fingers slide through your folds, pinching your clit roughly.

“Our bedroom. Now. Strip. Face down on the bed, I don’t want to look at you.” She speaks slowly, directly into your ear.

You’re sent off with a harsh smack to your ass, before you scurry quickly.

As you get undressed, you have time to realise what she said. Everyone already knew? They let you pretend you were the dom? That’s so embarrassing

Your clothes are discarded in a pile on the floor, you crawl onto the bed placing your face against the pillow and pulling your knees to your chest so that you’re presented for her.

She leaves you like this for almost ten minutes before the door opens. By this point you’re pretty sure that you’re dripping onto the bedsheets.

She doesn’t say a word as she enters, but you hear her boots being kicked off, her belt being unbuckled and her jeans being thrown. Her boxers are next, being thrown onto the pile of your clothes together.

She crawls behind you, chuckling under her breath at the sight of you naked and presented on the bed, your cunt in her face, wet and dripping.

She leans down until she’s inches away, blowing on your cunt and laughing at the way you whimper at the chill.

“Trin. Please.” You mewl, but it’s stopped with a sharp smack to your ass. This one was different from the last, this one was a punishment spank.

“You’re lucky I didn’t invite all of the girls over and make you hump my boot in front of them.”

You unintentionally moan at the thought of that. You’ve spoken before about inviting other people into the bedroom together, she knows how much you love the thought.

you can hear a bottle of lube being squeezed most likely into the palm of her hand. It hurts you to know that she doesn’t even want you to get the strap ready for her tonight. She must be really pissed.

The strap rests against your cunt as you feel Trinity drape herself over your back. She’s still wearing her shirt.

“Are you still okay to do this? Just tell me if you’re not and we’ll stop.” She whispers pecking your cheek at the end.

“I’m okay baby. Green.” You nod, trying to shuffle back against her strap.

She scoffs at you shuffling, spanking you again “needy little whore. Can’t even wait two seconds for my cock.”

The strap is lined up with your cunt and pushed in slowly. She allows you to get comfortable with the shape and only when you nod does she move. She starts slowly, pulling back to push back in gently.

It’s not long until you’re moaning and begging her for more. “Please Trin. Faster. Need you.”

“What do you need, baby? Words.” She grunts.

“Need you. Harder, need your fingers. Please.” You ramble, your words already starting to become incoherent.

She listens to you, pulling almost fully out before slamming her cock back into you. The pace picks up until it’s relentless, your body has no time to recover before she’s out and back in.

She grunts and moans into your ear, matching the sounds that you make. When she feels you getting close, she wraps her arm around your neck and pulls you up, holding you in a strong headlock.

Your head is pulled back into her chest as she continues fucking you, the new position making the strap hit you in a different way. Her fingers come forward to pinch and roll your clit, basking in the moans and whines it brings out of you.

“What’s my name?” She almost growls into your ear.

“Daddy” you moan breathlessly, not even trying to brat anymore.

“Say it again.” She smirks, getting off on how quickly you submit.

“Daddy. You’re daddy, the only daddy. My daddy.” You breathe out, panting and whimpering.

“And who are you?” She replies.

“Daddy’s whore.” You almost cry out.

“Good girl.” She drawls, as your orgasm finally washes over you.

You cum over her cock and collapse forward, her arm catching you. She helps you lay down and after your high has gone, she slides out of you.

She stands up and heads to the bathroom, running the tap. She puts the strap into a sink of water, before bringing back a lukewarm flannel so she can clean you up.

You grunt at the feeling, trying to push her hand away. But she doesn’t let you, she pins your hand to the bed and cleans you up, kissing your clit in apology.

When she comes back, she scoops you up, letting your head rest on her chest.

It’s silent while you come down from your daze, and when you turn to look up at her she finally speaks. “You okay?”

You nod, nuzzling into her chest. “I’m okay.”

“Good. I hope it was worth it. You’re not allowed to cum for the next week.” She announces, her voice monotone and deadly serious.

Your head shoots up faster than ever before. “What?!”.“What?”

She laughs “you thought you wouldn’t get punished for that? Dumb baby.”

You pout at her, but all she does is kiss it away.

“Unless you wanna tell all of our friends how much of a liar you are and that you want to show them how well you hump my boot?”

It’s a good alternative, but it’s humiliating, you think to yourself. But you have always wanted to do it.

Fuck it.

“Give me the phone.” You tell Trinity, holding your hand out.

- Baran had always been very open and vocal about the fact she loves your clothes more. So when she walks out of the bathroom wearing a pair of your boxers and a hoodie, before sitting down and resting her legs in your lap, you don’t even blink twice.

- Baran loves how muscular and how your body has changed since you went on T. She visibly reacts when you roll over in the morning to greet her. Usually followed by you both being late to work.

- Baran sits on your lap and helps you do your T shot/gel. She whispers in your ear about how well you’re doing and how handsome you are.

- You can never go to the gym together because you both spend the entire time just staring at each others muscles and asking each other to flex in some way.

- As much as Baran pretends to hate it, she secretly loves when you race to hold doors open for her. She also melts every time you kneel down to put her shoes on for her. Especially if she’s having a bad day and her boots just won’t slide on.

NSFW

- Baran wears the strap and is a complete domme.

- She’ll force you on your knees and tell you what a good little puppy you are while she slides her strap down the length of your throat until you’re gagging and crying while trying to beg her.

- One time she made you hump her boot while she read through some documents and ignored you. Every time you came without permission she added 10 spanks to her list.

- Baran enjoys pulling your hair to get you to listen. If you’re eating her out and you’re not responding to her words, she’ll yank on the roots of your hair and pull your head until it’s close enough she can speak into your ear.

- She knows you’ll do anything for her, so sometimes she lets you wear the strap. But you’re not allowed to touch her. You have to lay on your back so she can grip your abs and run her hands along your happy trail while riding you. If you do touch her, then you get tied up while she fucks herself with a vibrator.

The city was louder tonight as the cars honked, people shouted and ambulances sirens sounded.

Life carried on as normal for everyone else while tears trickled down your face and dripped onto your blue scrub shirt, immediately sinking in.

The wind blew through your hair, making your flyaways move faster and blow into your face but you had no intention of stopping to adjust them.

You listened to the street life and the hospital as the day shift staff ended their shift, greeting the night shift staff that were coming in to start theirs.

You didn’t even move as the door to the roof opened and someone stepped out onto it before shutting the door after them.

The railing dug into your spine as you leant back against it, your feet uncomfortably close to the edge. You make sure not to make any sudden movements.

The person makes sure not to startle you either.

It isn’t until you hear the familiar click of a lighter that it then strikes you who it is.

Your charge nurse, Dana Evans. Had she come up here purely as a chance to smoke, or had she come up here for you?

The thought flows through your mind once before you decide it’s probably for the best that you don’t decide on an answer. You’d probably be wrong anyway.

It’s silent for 4 minutes and 48 seconds before she speaks.

“It’s nice up here. I should come here more often.” Her voice is closer now, and you can hear her sneakers on the rocks as she steps forward.

You don’t reply to her. You don’t think you could even if you tried.

“You’re awfully close to the edge there. You wanna come this side of the railing?” She says, trying to hide the growing fear in her voice.

Although you were new, Dana had noticed you from the start. Immediately feeling a maternal instinct towards you, like she needed to protect you from the world. Even if you didn’t know, you were always under her watch.

“It’s cold huh?” She carries on after getting nothing from you. It’s like you’re not even there as you stare ahead at the city skyline in the distance.

She steps forward until she’s gripping the railing in her hands. Close enough to grab you if you tried to move any further forward but keeping a distance so you don’t feel like she’s forcing you to come away.

Another tear slides slowly down your face as you sniffle. You can hear her speaking and you so desperately want to answer her but you can’t. Your body physically won’t let any words come out.

“You’re bleeding.” She says softly. There’s surprise evident in her voice as her tone grows concerned now too.

“I know.” Finally breaks free. Your chest immediately heaving a sigh as it breaks and words spill out. It feels like you’ve finally woken up after being in a coma.

You don’t look at her, you carry on staring at the skyline. It looks beautiful like this, all lit up. The people in those buildings are all living a different life. You wonder if anyone is in this exact position right now. Probably not. Any sane person would seek help instead of standing on the edge of a roof straight after their shift finishes.

“Do you think you can come down sweetheart? Just climb under the railing, we’ll take you inside, get you warm and I’ll have a look at your arm okay? Come on baby.” She sounds so motherly now. This is how you’d imagine a mother would talk to their child when they needed them.

Your body follows her words before your mind even registers them as you duck under the railing and stand next to her.

She smiles softly at you, her face saying ‘well done’ without her speaking. She doesn’t want to overwhelm you and scare you off.

Your eyes look empty as they finally move to her face. You’re there, but not mentally. She wants to wrap you up in her arms and take you home, but she knows how much you hate being touched. She’s heard you express that hundreds of times to the other nurses and doctors.

No words exchanged throughout the entire walk back down the stairs and into the main hospital. Dana keeps her usual smile on her face as she walks through, greeting the nurses at the desk. When you reach an empty room, she leads you to the bed and gestures to you towards it. She makes a point of saying

“You can sit, stand or lay. Or even handstand. Just stay.”

It does well to ease the ache in your heart, it even almost makes you crack a smile as she dips through the curtain after a second.

You follow her words and take a seat on the edge of the bed, already rolling up the right side sleeve of your long sleeve that was under your scrubs.

It’s not too deep. You’ve done worse damage before. But to Dana it’s probably something that will take her a second to evaluate before working on it.

It’s a few minutes later when she ducks back in. She’s got some gauze, antibacterial wipes and a needle and thread (just in case).

She uses her foot to hook around the legs of the spinny stool while she grabs a pair of gloves out of the box, smoothly sliding the chair in time to sit on it and scorch towards you. She uses the lever to make it taller, settling herself between your legs.

She tugs the gloves on and sterilises the table before laying your arm gently on it.

“What did you use?” She asks harshly. It almost makes you recoil before she pins your arm back down again. What changed her attitude?

“Scalpel.” You gulp. This is it. This is the part where you lose your job for stealing and being mentally unwell. God you’re so stupid. Why would you do that? Why couldn’t you wait until you were at home alone?

She doesn’t reply. She pulls an antiseptic wipe out and cleans over the few cuts on your wrist. She doesn’t even warn you before doing it, now she’s upset at you. But she’s not shouting, that’s good right?

“From here?” She asks as she throws the wipe into the trash can.

You nod wordlessly, looking at your lap embarrassed.

“I’m taking your privileges away. You’ll be on desk duty instead. You won’t get to touch any instruments or medical equipment until I think you’re fit enough to.” She scalds you like a child, it almost makes you want to cry with how she speaks so monotone and disappointed. You can hear in her voice that you’ve let her down.

“Yes ma’am.” You whisper, biting your bottom lip to stop it from wobbling.

After your wrist is cleaned, she assesses it properly, turning your wrist to look at it up close with her glasses.

“Well you don’t need stitches. But I’m guessing you knew that already didn’t you?”

You nod again, she doesn’t need an answer anyway.

She starts unwrapping a gauze, placing on the cuts gently before wrapping the bandage around until it runs out. She ties it and tapes it down so it won’t move. She works in silence while doing this, before throwing her gloves in the trash and shuffling her stool back to give you some space.

“How often do you do this?” She speaks sternly. She wants answers and by the way she’s conveniently placed herself in front of the curtain, you’re not leaving until she gets something from you.

You stare at her for a while. Your throat bobs as you try and swallow away the painful lump that sits there unmoving.

“I was 163 days sober today.” You start before your voice breaks drastically. You clear your throat and carry on, you know that if you stop now then you won’t speak again. “I tried Dana. I tried, I did better this time. Honest.” Your lip wobbles again, but this time you let it.

“I know, kid. 163 days is amazing.” She nods encouragingly, her stern facade dropping now seeing the state you’re really in. She finally sees how you feel.

You dig your nails into your palm as you talk but with a glare from Dana, you rest your hands flat on your thighs instead.

“I wasn’t going to do it.” You whisper.

“Do what?” She asks just as softly, her eyebrows furrowed.

“Jump.” You answer as if it was obvious. To you it was, but to anyone else, it looked like you were ready to end it all right there.

“Okay.” She whispers. There’s no questions or open-ended sentences. She wants you to talk unprompted.

“Sometimes I think about ending it all. But I don’t think I’d ever do it. I just can’t stop thinking about it. My therapist said it’s passive suicidal ideation.” You explain, stopping every sentence to look at Dana's expressions and how disgusted she is at you.

“It's gotten worse recently. I just feel like there’s this constant shadow of darkness looming over me. I can’t do anything without feeling like I don’t deserve to be doing this. Like I don’t deserve to even be standing here with a job and a future. I don’t feel like I deserve to have so many good people in my life while I’m here causing constant sadness to their lives. I’m a burden. I have no desire for life anymore. I don’t even feel like eating most days because I think ‘what even is the point in this all’. I quit playing sports because I felt like I was ruining the team. I just- I don’t think I can do this anymore. But I don’t want to kill myself. I just- I want the pain to stop. The stupid pain in my head that tells me I’m not good enough.”

When you look up at the end, Dana doesn’t even look disgusted. Weirdly it looks like she looks like she has tears in her own eyes that threaten to fall. Good job. You’ve made her cry, you idiot. Can’t do anything right can you? You’ve let her down now too. Another person you tried to let in.

“Kid. Stop getting in your head. I can see your internal argument.” Her voice breaks through every bad thought clouding your mind currently, like cold water over a burn. “I’m just- taking it all in” she thinks for a second before schooling her face and shifting so she’s sat up with her back straight.

“You go to therapy? That’s good, I’m glad you still do that.”

The fact she doesn’t bring up anything you just spilled is comforting. Getting it off of your chest was hard enough as it is. But having to talk it through with someone would make it even worse.

“Yeah. Once a week on Thursdays, my only day off from work. Sometimes twice a week if I’m really bad.” You don’t have to explain further about what ‘really bad’ means, literally anyone would understand that.

“Is your therapist nice?” She asks, changing the directory to distract you.

“Yeah. I’ve had her for a few years, she knows everything about me and knows exactly how to help me when I’m not doing good. I do get help, I promise. I don’t always do this. I can still work. I’m okay.” You nod as you talk, speaking faster and tripping yourself up. So desperate to prove to her that everything’s okay. You want Dana to believe you.

“Sweetheart, it's okay. Having a therapist doesn’t suddenly mean your life is perfect. Hell if it did, half the people would be sectioned here would they?” She reassures, getting closer to you again. Maybe she isn’t scared of you after all.

“I guess.” You agree glumly.

“What made tonight so different? Why didn’t you call your therapist?” She asks.

“She’s on holiday. The replacement isn’t the greatest, he just tells me to take a bath or make a hot drink. But the last time I did that I poured the kettle over my hand to feel something.”

“Is that what the scar is on your hand?” She points to where the circle is on the top of your left hand. It’s a clear colour difference to the rest of your skin. It’s not that noticeable unless you’re really looking. Which Dana is.

You nod, moving it to hide it underneath your other hand.

“It was a couple of years ago. I haven’t done it since.” You whisper, now even more ashamed of yourself.

“It’s okay. I’m not judging.” She smiles. “So you couldn’t call your therapist tonight. Is that why you hurt yourself?”

You nod. “No one here knows I struggle with my mental health. I couldn’t seek out Robby because I saw what he did to Baran. I can’t lose my job already.” You explain.

“That makes sense. Thank you for trusting me. It means a lot.” Her voice makes you want to cry with how she’s so sweet now. It’s confusing how she does from angry mother to sweet mother, but it’s welcoming. It’s what you need.

Sometimes when your mind is so full of bad thoughts and hurt, someone needs to break through and tell you honestly that what you’re doing isn’t okay.

“Go home kid. Get a nice shower, make yourself a glass of water, take some painkillers and get into bed. Put your comfy clothes on and rest. You need it. It’s been a hell of a day.” She reaches out, freezing for a second before deciding ‘fuck it’ and doing it. She places her hand on top of yours and squeezes.

“Call me tonight if you need someone. Stay away from roofs and sharp things. I’ll come over if you need anything.” She says before she’s standing and taking away all of her medical supplies.

You know she’s going to fill some paperwork in about reducing your privileges before she goes home. So you pack your things up and take a slow walk to your car.

The cold air bites at your skin, but it’s welcoming. The cold has always been a cure for a panic attack. Something about the way its relentless just distracts your body and makes you fight to keep warm instead of fighting the thoughts of ending it all.

The drive home takes 15 minutes due to there being no traffic at this time of night. Your playlist plays in the background but the volume is almost 0. It’s nice to have silence sometimes.

Your apartment is dark when you open the door, obviously it was light when you left this morning.

You kick your shoes off at the door, placing your keys in the bowl and hanging your bag up.

You bypass the kitchen, there’s no point in making food if you’d throw it up later from how sick you’ve been feeling lately.

Your medication sits untouched on your bedside cabinet as you sit on the edge of your bed to start undressing.

As you undress you look around. Your computer on your desk now collected a layer of dust. Your books are on the shelf with an even thicker layer of dust. You’d lost all interest in everything you loved the second you started feeling shit again. Only this time you were struggling to pull yourself out of the sinkhole.

You drag yourself to the shower and turn the water on. It’s far too hot to stand in, but you stand there anyway. It burns but in a good way.

You mean your head against the wall and before you can stop yourself, tears are cascading down your cheeks and your body shakes with sobs as you desperately bite your lip so stop any yells escaping. No one should hear you cry, they don’t care anyway.

The shower soaks the bandage on your wrist. You’d completely forgotten about that. With your teeth you claw at it until there’s tiny strings of fibres that rip effortlessly and the bandage plops onto the floor of the shower. The water immediately stings, a feeling that’s both comforting and disappointing. You were at the highest sober date of your life and you had to go and ruin it as per usual.

As you step out of the shower and dry off, you try and shake the feeling. You know there’s razors in that drawer. You’d bought a pack of 50 replacement blades for your traditional razor. You force yourself not to open the drawer. You tell yourself to just change into your pyjamas and go to sleep. It’ll be better by morning. Right?

Who are you kidding? It’s never better in the morning. It’s always worse. It always will be worse. You’re just destined to be this way forever until it slowly kills you.

You pace your bedroom for hours and hours until your feet burn and your heart is racing. You pick up your phone to call your therapist. But she’s on holiday.

Dana. You could call her. She did say to.

But it’s 3am. Would she even be awake? She worked an entire day shift with you. Surely she’s sleeping. She has a family and private life.

You pave for another 15 minutes with your phone in your hand before you finally click on her contact. It rings 1, 2, 3, 4 times and then it clicks.

“Hello?” She speaks into the microphone, her voice tired and deep.

“Dana?” You ask. Stupidly because of course it’s her, it’s her phone number.

“Kid? You okay?” Her voice changes immediately, she sounds more awake now and there’s a rustling sound in the background. It sounds like she’s getting out of bed.

“I’m sorry. I woke you. It’s okay, I’ll go. Sorry for waking you.” Your thumb hovers over the end button but her voice stops you.

“No. No. I’m glad you woke me, thank you.” She’s moving now, you can hear keys being picked up.

“Had anything happened?” She asks as she walks.

“Not yet. But I just can’t stop thinking. I’m sorry.” Your voice breaks again.

“It’s okay.” she laughs slightly, like she’s afraid you’ll snap if you think she’s even the slightest bit upset.

“I’m on my way. Do you think you can stay on the phone to me until I get there? You don’t have to speak but I just want to know you’re okay.” The car starts up halfway through, and she’s already pulling off before it’s even warmed up.

“Yeah.” Is all you can push yourself to say.

True to your word you stay on the phone to her the entire time. Neither of you speak, but she can hear your breathing and that’s enough for her to be able to drive safely and calmly.

When she reaches your apartment door, it jolts you out of your daze and startles you. She’s here already? It’s only been like- oh. 15 minutes.

You pad your way to the door and open it to let her in. It’s still pitch black, you still hadn’t bothered to turn a lamp on since getting back. But it’s something that Dana does as soon as she’s in.

“What happened?” She asks, coming to stand in front of you. She looks you up and down like she did on the roof to check for anything else.

“Nothing. But there’s a box of razors in my bathroom drawer and I can’t stop thinking about them.” You tell her honestly.

She nods, asking where your bathroom is before disappearing. When she comes back, she holds the box and any other blade she found in there. She piles them onto your kitchen counter and comes back to you.

“Done” I’ll take them home with me so they can’t tempt you.

“Come on. Let’s get you to bed, you look exhausted.”

“I’m sorry for waking you, you must be exhausted too.” You look at her like a kicked puppy as she leads you to your bedroom.

“I’m an old lady. I’m used to not getting sleep.” She jokes lightheartedly as you reach your bed. She untucks your covers before fluffing your pillows and pointing towards it hoping you get the hint.

You do and you lay down against the pillows, letting her cover you up.

“Can I touch you?” She whispers.

For some reason you trust her. You don’t even have to think for long before you nod.

She kneels on your bed as she leans over you. Her hands hold your shoulders as her head dips down and her lips brush your forehead. They linger for a few seconds before she pulls away.

“Get some sleep, kid, I’ll let Robby know we’ll be in later tomorrow. I won’t tell him what’s happening, that’s your business.” She smiles.

You nod, blinking away tears. It had been years since you let anyone touch you. Let alone twice in one day.

You’d always been worried that anyone that touched you would burst into flames or get sick. It happened with your father when you were 14 and you’d sworn from that day on that you’d never let a person touch you for as long as you lived.

As she goes to stand up to leave your hand shoots out. Your fingertips barely graze her wrist, but it doesn’t even burn when they do.

“Can you stay? Just until I fall asleep? I don’t want to be alone.” You whisper. It feels pathetic. You wait for her to laugh in your face and call you names, but it never comes.

Instead she sits back on the edge of your bed, placing her hand over the top of yours. Where your scar sits, and she strokes your hand.

“Of course. I won’t go anywhere.”

It’s not much longer until you let your eyes drift closed. It’s even shorter between that and when your body lets sleep overcome it.

You feel asleep with your hand being held by someone who cared. Your hand was being held and that person was still alive and even after hearing about everything in your life, she was still there at the end of the day. Maybe you were capable of being loved.

- You posted a TikTok once of you both flexing and accidentally became the most followed masc4masc couple. Trinity had to hide at work for a week.

- You both compare body hair. Seeing who can grow the biggest happy trail within a week. Loser does the house chores.

- You both fight over who’s passenger princess. You both hate driving and would rather trick the other into driving for the day.

- You also have to sprint to the car to be able to open the door for each other. Once Trinity didn’t talk to you for 2 days because you managed to open 3 doors in a row for her and she couldn’t get them for you.

- You wear fitted caps with her initials embroidered into the sides. Sometimes she traces her fingers along them while you’re cuddling.

- She is an eater. She will pin you to the bed and force her forearm across your pelvis to make sure you really stay down while she teases you with her tongue and laughs.

- You both argue over who wears the strap. You’ve had physical fights and wrestling matches while putting it on, the winner constantly gloating in the losers face while they fuck them down into the mattress.

You’d been on shift for 5 hours by the time you were able to sit down and have a minute to think to yourself. Between running urine samples and fetching water for patients that were bed bound, you hadn’t had any time for much else.

Walking to the nurses station, you sit in the first seat available which leads to you sitting right next to Trinity.

“Wassup shitfuck. You look like shit. Ha, get it?” She laughs, pointing at you like she’d actually made the best joke ever.

“Ha ha. You’re hilarious.” You reply bluntly, clearly not in the mood to joke around.

As she goes to reply, Whitaker bursts in from around the corner. His hair is a mess, like he’d been running his hands through it every few seconds. He heads straight towards the both of you, leaning against the desk of the nurses station and resting his head on it while simultaneously groaning.

“Fuckleberry. What can I do for you?” Trinity speaks again, folding her hands together and resting them on top of her clipboard like a receptionist would do.

“Fuckleberry?” You furrow your eyebrows as you turn to look at Trinity.

“Yeah. Fuckleberry and shitfuck. They’re both weirdly fitting.” She speaks as she shrugs her shoulders, clearly very impressed with herself.

“Well if I’m shitfuck then I get to call you fuckface.” You retort while playfully shoving her.

Just as Trinity goes to reply she goes rigid, staring directly behind you and not moving.

You don’t even have a chance to move or say anything before “get out of my seat, kid.” rings into your ears.

It’s Dana, and she sounds exhausted. So like any other person would do, you scramble to stand up, awkwardly clearing your throat as you do so as to not cause a scene.

“Sorry ma’- Dana. Sorry Dana.” You ramble while trying to hide your growing blush.

“It’s okay, just don’t do it again” she waves her hand dismissively, not even sitting down.

You laugh again, unsure at whether she’s being serious or not but you decide not to question her.

“Such a dork.” Trinity mutters under her breath, thinking no one could hear her.

The slap hits the back of her head before you even register it. It even shocks you, as you bring the same hand that just smacked her upside the head, up to cover your mouth. It wasn’t hard, but it was so unlike you that you had to think for a second what the fuck even happened.

Dennis’ head shoots up at the slap, before his mouth opens in shock.

“Ohh shit.” He whispers, getting ready to stop a girl fight.

Trinity turns slowly, giving you a chance to apologise or run. But when you don’t move she stands up, until she’s at her full height and staring you straight in the eyes.

“Children. Please. Stop fighting, mommy has a headache and she’d really appreciate it if you all grew up and actually did some work for once.” Dana’s voice stops you all. She leans forward so she’s in between you both, switching between staring at you and staring at Trinity.

You nod immediately, already scrambling off to make yourself look busy and find a patient to “treat”.

Dennis snickers as he watches you retreat, but is quick to do the same when Dana’s motherly glare turns to him instead.

He leaves with a blushed nod and a small “yes ma’am”

The next time you see each other is when you finally get a designated break. You pack a lunch every day just in case it finally happens to you. Some kind of miracle must’ve happened for not only you to have a break, but other people at the same time.

The sandwich is dry and tasteless when you chew it, but it reminds you how great it is to actually feel full for once. Being able to eat while on shift is a blessing.

The red bull in your other hand is calling your name as you reach towards it, but it’s swooped straight from you by someone.

The second it leaves your hand, you look up to see a smiling Trinity. She’s holding it like a trophy as she pulls the chair out opposite you.

“Aw, you shouldn’t have. That’s so kind of you.” She gushes sarcastically, already opening it.

“I didn’t, fuckface. But you know what, have it. I hope it’s poisoned and kills you slowly.” You say as you narrow your eyes at her, packing your sandwich away to throw the remnants into the trash.

“Thank you sweetie. I love you too.” Trinity mockingly blows you a kiss as she ends her sentence, sinking down into her seat.

Your pager goes off seconds later, cutting your 9 minute break short. You can’t even get 10 minutes to yourself in this place.

Sighing, you pack up and grab your things, already rushing off to see your next patient.

As you enter their room, Dennis is already sitting in there with the patient.

“Dr Whitaker, how can I assist?” You ask, professionalism laced within your voice.

Calling him by his actual doctor name always made you feel gross, like you were playing some kind of weird game with each other.

“I uh- I can’t seem to work this catheter. I’ve taken it out and put a new one in, but the patient is in a lot of pain and can’t seem to pass any urine still.” He explains, worry etched upon his face.

You immediately get to work, asking question upon questions. You ask the patient if he’s drinking, if he usually has trouble, if the switch is even on. Eventually you ask Dennis to just take it out again.

As his hand takes the tube out, you nudge the bed by accident, which in turns frees up the tube connecting the patients bladder to the bag.

Dennis yells out an “oh my god!” As his body begins to soak itself in an elderly man’s urine.

But the patient sighs in relief at the feeling of being emptied after a long few hours.

You can’t stop the giggle that slips out, or the laughter that follows, at watching the pitts newest doctor become drenched in hazardous bodily fluids.

But you have to mask your face as you check over your patient once more and secure a catheter that actually works before following after Dennis. Ensuring to send a cleaning team straight in.

You don’t see him again until you hear a clatter and a huge crash. Things go flying, even somehow ending up rolling into the room you were in with another patient. When you do see him, another laugh spills out. He’s in scrubs that must be two sizes bigger than his size, and he’s sporting a different coloured top to the pants.

“What’s up with you? You just sent everything on that trolley flying at least two feet.” You laugh, handing him the gauze that had rolled your way.

“Robby has me doing all of his dirty work. So far I’ve restocked every single supply closet on this floor, and I’ve filled out almost all of the paperwork. If I see one more checklist I think I’m going to have a mental breakdown.” Dennis rambles, picking everything up from the floor, apologising as he constantly bumps into doctors and nurses that are trying to walk around around him.

You sigh, feeling sorry for him. But at the same time you don’t. You’ve seen the state he leaves his bedroom, he’s just not used to organisation and cleanliness.

“Well. Have fun. I’m off to gossip about you with my favourite nurses.” You pat him on the shoulder as you pick up a chocolate bar from the nurses station on your way to see Perlah and Princess.

You end up gossiping for longer than you definitely should, because the next thing you're aware of is the person suddenly gripping your ear and dragging you.

You can’t even see who it is from your position, but from their smell it’s Dana. “I can’t wait for the day that you three realise just what it means to work. Every time I need you, you’re always where you’re not meant to be.” She groans, not letting go of your ear.

You let yourself be dragged you but you don’t let her have the last word “hey. I’ve been working hard today, I’m always working. You never find me not working usually.”

She scoffs as she sits you down in her chair. She actually lets makes you sit down before standing in front of you. “I can name at least five times where I’ve found you somewhere you shouldn’t be. Not including this time.”

“Okay. So maybe I get distracted, but that’s totally not my fault.” You raise your palms up and shrug your shoulders to prove your innocence.

“You’re a liability. You and your little friends. I’m seriously thinking about placing a tracker in you like a dog.” She places her head in her hand, sighing again.

“Somebody get this woman a cigarette.” You mutter under your breath.

She scoffs a laugh at you. Turning away to mutter “fucking Christ. I’m gonna need more than a cigarette soon.” She takes a few deep breaths before turning back to face you “get the fuck outta here, go back to work. If I find you elsewhere again, I’m taping you to the chair so I know where you are.”

“Yes ma’am” you salute as you walk away to find Trinity. The girl had gone M.I.A since her break time hours ago.

You find her outside on the staircase. Phone in hand as she types something. You creep up slowly, she still hadn’t heard you or the door.

When you’re behind her you lean close and shout “give me all your money!”. She immediately screams and jumps, her phone flies into the air for a few seconds before somehow landing in her hands again.

“You fucking asshole!” She yells, shoving you backwards but in your current state it’s enough for her to send you tumbling to the floor. You land in a pool of limbs, still laughing to the point where if you don’t stop now, you’ll definitely pee yourself.

Trinity swears a few more times before calming down and kicking you on her way back inside. You follow after a few more minutes.

Unfortunately, as you walk back in, Dana is standing at the nurses station. Staring right at you. She doesn’t even need to say anything, you walk right over to her and sit down.

She doesn’t let you out of her sight for the rest of your shift.