one: pay attention to the music you’re relating to. sometimes it’s a clear indicator that something is wrong. other times, it’s an indicator that something is very, very right. when the latter happens, pay extra close attention.

two: true control is subtle, not obsessive. you may not even know that you have it when you do. people who are in control do not question it. they just are.

three: never pass up the opportunity to stick the tips of your fingers out the window of a moving car. feel the wind carry you to the sound of your favorite songs. this is a reminder that you’re alive.

four: thoughts don’t have to mean anything. you can just let them be there.

five: notice when you’re struggling and allow yourself some leeway when you do. however, learn the difference between giving yourself leeway and enabling your struggle. 

six: you cannot build self-love from a foundation of self-hatred. first, work toward self-acceptance. love will follow.

seven: do not love others simply because they love you back. do not expend your love on people who won’t love you back. 

eight: don’t forget to stop and look around. take a moment a day to stop doing and just be. the mindfulness hype isn’t overrated. there’s a reason for it.

nine: setting limits and saying no will not end any relationship worth keeping. 

ten: friendships built on moments of competitive misery are not healthy. if you find that you’re having the urge to constantly showcase your misery around someone, take that as a red flag. sadness is not a competition you want to win.

eleven: recovery is not about being happy. some days you will feel bored and flat. but these days are still better than those you built around destroying yourself. these days are still victories. recovery is about being alive.

twelve: when you’ve built an identity around being sad, the concept of happiness may scare you. giving that sadness up will strip you of most everything and leave you feeling empty. embrace this emptiness and fill it up with exploration. you’ll find that it’s worth it.