Eternallove

I think she’s referring to Kaname’s reason for falling asleep thousands of years ago—the young vampire lady, the last light he saw when looking back on his war-filled, lonely, decaying existence, and the quiet hope he held onto of meeting her again. This was later added in VKM Vol. 1 and 2.

She also keeps emphasizing that Kaname Kuran is the core of the story, and that without Yuuki Kuran there is no Vampire Knight. Kaname and Yuuki’s character quotes are also mirrored.

“I was not unfortunate, for there was light at the end of my journey.” “I can use my life to turn you into a human”

Matsuri Hino’s Commentary on Kaname:

He is the core of the story, but he is the one who suffered the most from the accumulation of my various shortcomings, starting with my weak presentation skills as an author. I am so sorry, Kaname. If only I could go back to that one specific chapter... It has been weighing heavily on me ever since. When I think about him, a flood of thoughts and memories rushes back, and it is painful because I am overwhelmed by helpless emotions that I don't even know how to express. I can't help but feel that I must have caused similar feelings for the readers who loved Kaname.

"I am so sorry, Kaname. If only I could go back to that one specific chapter... It has been weighing heavily on me ever since."

So she later added these two panels to clear things up:

Vampire Knight, Ch 66 - 93.

"But I can't tell if you truly love me or not."

Kaname asks for Yuki's honest feelings outright and here Yuki delivers. She has come to terms with who Kaname is to her. He is her ancestor, her brother, and her upperclassman. He is everything, all at once.

Yuki admits here that she knows Kaname is a liar, that he even has wickedness in him and the things he is capable of doing, that he always keeps so much hidden from her. And, most of all, she is conflicted over his true feelings for her. Does he truly love her? She questions it. Has questioned it multiple times. She is conflicted and tells herself that she knows he does. Maybe it's him who is conflicted. Something is holding him back from fully loving her in return.

"I want to start over again with you as if it were the very beginning."

In the end Yuki tells Kaname that what she truly wants is to start over. A new beginning. She wants the opportunity to establish who and what they would become now, from a fresh start.

"Please... don't go out today."

But there is something dark in Kaname's reply to her, something that Yuki senses. It makes her apprehensive and she begs him to please stay home with her. Spend time with her. Don't go. And when Kaname leaves anyway, she decides to chase after him.

"My head is full of white noise."

After Yuki witnesses Kaname kill Aido's father, she is in shock. She can't bear the weight of what she'd just seen and she can't wrap her head around why Kaname would ever do such a thing. Not only that, she'd just opened up to him about wanting to start fresh. She wanted them to get to know each other and strengthen their relationship. She wanted to engrave herself into Kaname. She is so distraught and desperate that her powers manifest butterfly wings for her to pursue him.

"If it really is you [Kaname], just stop!"

However, Yuki soon learns from Headmaster Kaien that the treaty between the Hunter's Guild and the vampires will soon fall into chaos after what Kaname has done and his sudden disappearance. Yuki must step up as the new leader to set things right or otherwise many lives will be in jeopardy. She accepts the responsibility. But then she breaks down when hearing news that Kaname may have been the one to kill the pureblood Ouri at the soiree. She desperately wants time to stop or for Kaname to stop because she's so overwhelmed with grief.

"He isn't wholly tainted..."

Yuki is seen struggling with her faith in Kaname during this time. We see her overwhelmed, begging Kaname to stop. Then we see her saying she trusts Kaname and is suspicious of Sara. Here, we get a deeper look into Yuki's struggles. She desperately wants to have faith and trust in Kaname. She wants to believe there has to be some explanation for what he is doing. When learning that Sara was the one who attacked Hanadagi in his coffin, it gives her hope. She was starting to question if Kaname was fully tainted—if he had gone too far—and here she clings onto hope that things can be salvaged.

"If I get to the heart of the matter, I'm sure I'll find that Kaname is doing this for me."

Until Yuki learns what Kaname did to Zero and his family. She breaks down and takes the blame entirely. She believes that at the heart of it all, Kaname is doing all of this for her. She is the reason all of this is happening.

"Then pierce my heart with your sword like you promised back then."

Yuki goes after Kaname and for the very first time—she seeks death. She wants Kaname to kill her. She knows she can't kill Kaname, that she doesn't have the heart for it. So she wants the alternative. She wants to die by his hands.

"My beloved's fingers may never slide through my hair again."

But Kaname won't kill her. He disappears and Yuki must give chase. Then, in front of him, she cuts her hair and tells him that her burden is gone and she will fight alongside Zero to capture him.

"You must impale my heart if you want to kill me!"

However, we very clearly see that Yuki still wants death. Ultimately, she is seeking for Kaname to kill her. She can't live with herself and what's happened. And she understands, deep down, that she will never be able to give her bond with Kaname up.

"The only way I can stop Kaname... is to turn him into a human."

After Yuki learns more of the reasoning behind Kaname's actions and most of the hunter weapons are destroyed, she comes to the conclusion that the only way she can stop Kaname is to make him human. She can't kill Kaname and she's come to the conclusion that she can no longer end her own life—unless it is to put a stop to Kaname's plan.

"When I woke up eleven years ago on that snowy mountain... that's when your lies began."

Yuki finally reunites with Kaname and learns that he never actually killed Aido's father. Instead, he'd used that farce as a means to drive Yuki away from him so he could move forward with his plans.

Yuki explains here what she wished he would have done. She wishes that he would have just taken Zero's memories from her so they could live happily together for eternity. But Kaname tells her he came to realize that his love couldn't truly make her happy.

"You want to expression your love. I'll teach you, Yuki… if you will have me."

Kaname regrets not turning Yuki back into a human so she could live the rest of her life out peacefully with Zero. And now he is going to give his life to the furnace. Meanwhile, Yuki wants to sacrifice her life to give Kaname a life as a human. The two sleep together to show their love because they both feel it is the end.

"Do you want the humans to lose the only weapon they'll have to fight vampires?"

Would she really be okay with that? Kaname asks Yuki. And the answer is yes. While Yuki never directly confirms this—her actions do. What is most important to her is turning Kaname human and allowing him to live out the rest of his life in peace. If the next generation of vampire-fighting weapons becomes forfeit over that: so be it. Yuki likely assumes there is good in the vampires and the Hunters & Vampires will be able to find a way to co-exist peacefully without the need for the weapons.

"If I hadn't been born, if I hadn't existed... everything would have turned out differently for you!"

After Yuki fails to sacrifice herself and turn Kaname human, and he throws his heart into the furnace, she breaks down. Here we see that she blames herself entirely and wishes she had never been born. If she hadn't been born, then she believes Kaname wouldn't have come to this end.

"No… I can't imagine a world in which I'll never hear your voice."

Even after Kaname reassures Yuki that he didn't live an unhappy life—because of her—Yuki can't imagine having to live the rest of her pureblood eternity without him. Never being able to hear his voice again. She is completely shattered.

Vampire Knight, Ch 36 - 66.

"I've always been in love with my own brother."

And here we begin to see a shift in Yuki's emotions. Now that she has regained her memories, and believes that Kaname is her brother, she starts to struggle with the fact that she is in love with him. Yuki understands that it is the tradition of the purebloods. It's not something alarming or new to her. But, she has spent so many years as a human that it's complicated her feelings about it.

"It will be all right... brother."

We see the very first instance where Yuki initiates things with Kaname herself. After her awakening and the return of her memories, she finally is able to embrace and kiss Kaname on more equal terms. Something she has struggled with up until this point in the series. However what we also see here from Yuki is the continued pressure of her conflicted feelings about him being her brother. She reminds herself and even corrects herself on numerous occasions: "Kaname—no, my brother".

"I want only my big brother's blood. It fills my head."

Again, Yuki reinforces that during this time Kaname's blood is the only blood she craves. The thought of drinking his blood consumes her mind. Her hunger for it.

"I realized I'm different from how I was ten years ago…"

Here Yuki gives us more insight on the internal workings of her mind. She has come to realize that she's not the same Yuki Kuran she was ten years ago, before her memories were taken. She's lived ten years as human Yuki Cross and now that leaves her feeling uncomfortable. She's changed. And, in her ignorance, she lived her life so carefree never knowing all the pain and loneliness she was causing Kaname.

"What kind of world has he been forced to face all alone?"

When Kaname opens up to Yuki and admits to everything he's done and kept hidden from her, Yuki struggles with both anger and sadness. But she puts aside her own emotions to support Kaname. Because she empathizes with everything he's had to endure alone. She wants to be there for him. She feels she has committed sins in her ignorance over the past ten years living as Yuki Cross. She also feels responsible for the sins that Kaname has just admitted to—believing he's done everything for her sake. So she tells him that she is more than willing to become tainted with him. To fall to the very bottom, if that is where he will go.

"I wonder why that beast inside you craves my blood so much."

We get a scene six-months into the year at the manor and we see that the "beast" side of Yuki (her vampire side) craves Kaname's blood. Over the year, we see that Yuki does write letters back to her old friends and old life as Yuki Cross but she doesn't send any of them. When asked why she says, "I want to cherish my time with Kaname-sama now." She wants to make up for their lost time—for those 10 years.

"Is it wrong? To want him by my side because I don't want to spend eternity alone?"

Here we get more insight to what is happening internally with Yuki as she struggles to accept the vampire side of herself. Yuki is scared of what eternal life means and the unimaginable loneliness that could come with it. The "beast" side of her wants to devour Kaname's life and feelings. Yuki is scared of this side of herself and has been repressing it.

"Should I even be here with you?"

Here we get a deeper insight of Yuki's guilt. While she desperately yearns for Kaname's blood and wants to devour him whole, she also experiences a thirst for Zero. This shakes Yuki to her core and makes her feel incredibly guilty and unworthy of Kaname. She's very angry with herself, feeling like she is putting too much burden on Kaname's shoulders, making him pamper her. She's frustrated with her inability to use her fangs and for not only craving his blood. These feelings make her question her worth; whether she is worthy to be by Kaname's side, to hold him, kiss him, and worthy of his feelings.

"I want you to drink only my blood."

Because of Yuki's turmoil and guilt, Kaname gives her a way to take responsibility. He tells her to only ever drink his blood. That is his one condition, and this helps Yuki cope. A bit later she is feeling much better, much more confident, and tells Kaname she finally sees the path she should be taking.

"Feeling lonely?"

The story has shown us that a lot of the time while Yuki is isolated in the manor, Kaname is busy elsewhere. And Yuki confirms that she is lonely and wishes that he was around more often. As she has stated prior, she really wants her time here to be about her and Kaname making up lost time.

"What happened to him?"

Yuki has commented a few times since regaining her memories that Kaname has changed from who he once was 10 years ago. He's full of sadness and despair. Here we see Yuki's deeper thoughts on it. She doesn't understand what's happened to him over the years she lived in ignorance. And she wonders if its her. If she has disappointed him so thoroughly that even her "coming back" isn't enough.

"Become his equal."

Yuki believes that Kaname giving her Artemis and sharing his memories with her was his way of telling her it was time to advance. To become his equal and graduate from being the baby pureblood. After learning the truth about his past, Kaname asks Yuki if she still considers him her brother and she decides to call him "Kaname" from now on. On equal grounds. And that is what she wants to achieve.

"The name that was given to him by that woman from the past."

Yuki has a moment of jealousy when she tries to call Kaname by his name without the honorific attached. Because the name given to him by the first woman Kaname had developed affections for.

https://ficbook.net/readfic/3616590

It's my work written in Russian, basically every chapter is a smut (except for 2 first chapters), there were times when I tried to translate it to English myself but then I got disappointed in VK and, well... never did that.