there’s something so tragic yet poetic about ginny being harry’s last thought before he dies. not ron and hermione, not his parents, not sirius. but ginny. and i think that’s tied to the fact that ginny, as well as making him happier than he could ever remember being, represented something he had never been able to truely consider for himself: a future. in that last second before death, he thinks of her, and the future he now knows he will never. get. to. have. it’s like he’s making peace with this fact, and letting thoughts of her fill his brain one last time, to kiss goodbye the dream of a happy ending. like it breaks my heart, actually.
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The idea of this one is to show how Ginny noticed Harry genuine happiness as if it was the first time he really felt free. The thought that he never went to the beach to just have fun and enjoy the day really made her want to give him the best life together they possibly could.
(A Hinny Micro-oops for @ginnystrophyhusband) - DH Missing Moment
As far as Dean is concerned, Shell Cottage is a five-star hotel that he doesn't want to ever leave.
Once he'd thought inconceivable the idea of living in a place with not just one but two of Ginny's brothers, but things are surprisingly okay; no one comments anything. Ron barely looks at him, though it doesn't seem like a remaining hostility; he is always occupied with Hermione and Harry, that trio even more secretive than before. Bill Weasley is a cool guy — Dean can understand why Ginny always spoke highly of him — but they don't interact much. These days, Dean is usually in Luna's company; she is surprisingly entertaining once he learns to disregard a few comments. He can see why Ginny appreciates her so much.
Not that Ginny was a concern that had been on his mind lately — fighting for his survival really put in perspective being dumped by the girl you fancied — but the days on Shell Cottage are lazy, and he's constantly reminded of Ginny. Her brothers. Her best friend. Her boyfriend.
Harry spares him little attention, which doesn't surprise Dean; what does surprise Dean is that Harry not once sneaks away with Bill to meet Ginny. Harry always pauses whatever he's discussing with Ron and Hermione when Bill comes back from visiting his great-aunt or something, and listens to the news—but he doesn't talk about Ginny.
Which is weird. And Dean cannot help but think that he would ask about Ginny. He would risk his safety to visit his girlfriend—the girl he knows has been in trouble at Hogwarts. Luna doesn’t share much, but he knows that life at Hogwarts was just one step better than what Dean had faced on the run.
It's on a late afternoon, when he's helping with the dishes, and Fleur is looking out the window tensely as she waits for her husband's return, that he voices it out loud.
"Did Harry go with Bill?"
Fleur blinks, distracted. It's strange to remember how he once fawned over her, but now, after she tended over him, she looks so... human.
"No. Harry is outside." She indicates another window, the one with the view to the beach. Dean knows what she means; everyone has noticed how Harry isolates himself sometimes, watching the sunset on the cliffs.
"I thought he might want to go. Check on his girlfriend and all."
Fleur frows, confusion distorting her beautiful expression; then someone grabs the plates from Dean's hand.
"They've broken up," Luna tells him, and she sounds strangely reproachful. "Ginny doesn't like to talk about it."
Now Fleur's expression softens, as if she understands far more than Dean could ever; she was a Triwizard champion once, Dean remembers. She is smart.
But Dean is not, so he finds himself leaving through the backyard door and standing on the path that leads to the cliffs, though he doesn't go there. It's silly but he cannot stop feeling as if the cliffs belong to Harry. It's where he goes to think whatever thoughts that had been on his mind.
And then, as if he can feel Dean’s stare, though he is so far that he cannot even see Dean, Harry turns and stands up. There’s a faraway expression on his face that doesn’t change once he is closer and raises a hand in quiet greeting.
As he once did, Dean cannot help but size himself up against Harry. Harry was on the run as well, so he looks thin, gaunt; it should be shocking, but Dean has seen worse in the past months. Nothing impressive. One would think that being the Chosen One, Harry would be slicing You-Know-Who piece by piece by now.
“Is Bill back yet?” Harry asks when he joins Dean on the path.
“No.” Something clouds Harry’s eyes, a deep fear that he tries to hide by looking to the ocean. A weird sense of compassion floods Dean. “But it's still early. I’m sure everything is okay.”
Empty words, but Harry doesn’t comment upon it. He gives Dean a quick smile that doesn’t reach his eyes before turning back to watch the ocean below; the sun is almost down now, the last stripes of red tinting the clouds in the sky. Orangish red. The colour of Ginny’s hair—the same colour that she shares with her brothers, but somehow, watching the sky, Dean cannot think about any other Weasley at the moment.
He wonders if that’s what attracts Harry in the sunset so much—the remembrance of someone he has no right to miss anymore.
“Hum,” he mumbles, and a mirthless chuckle escapes his lips. Harry turns to him questioningly now. “Nothing, I just—I just realised we are both Ginny’s exes.”
It doesn’t sound funny at all. Harry grimaces, quiet, and Dean tries to diffuse the situation.
“I mean, if we call Michael Corner, we can start a support group for guys dumped by Ginny Weasley.”
Still not funny, but now Harry looks down, a flash of guilt on his face. Ginny doesn’t like to talk about it, Luna had told Dean.
Realisation hits him. “You dumped her?”
Harry crosses his arm, meeting Dean’s gaze unflinchingly now. “I did not dump her, we just broke up.”
“But you were perfectly happy together!” It doesn’t make sense. Sure, Dean might say that once he had been perfectly happy with Ginny, but it lasted months until things got sour. Whereas Harry and Ginny… “You went out for, what, two months?”
“Fifty-one days,” Harry answers at once, and Dean has a sudden vision of him marking sticks on a wall as if he doesn’t ever want to lose track of time, wants to experience each moment. It had been annoying, it had hurt, but Dean knew that Harry and Ginny were a thing; he had never seen them so bright before.
If Dean had that with anyone, he knows that he would never let go.
“Why?”
Harry turns to him with the look of a man that lived a thousand lives. “What could I possibly offer to her?”
It sounds cheesy, but Dean says anyway. “Your love?” Harry’s eyes widen. “You do love her, right?”
A myriad of emotions shine on Harry’s face before he fixes his stare on the ocean, now dark below them. Whatever Harry feels, he doesn't want to share.
“I want her to be safe. Even if it means—”
He doesn't finish it, but Dean can hear it anyway. Even if it means she stays with someone else. Someone like Dean.
And for a moment Dean sees it. A future without Harry in which he could be with Ginny; something stable. He could comfort her and be there once she would be ready to fall in love again.
Then guilt hits him harder than the waves break against the cliff. Harry is here talking about how he wants Ginny to be safe above all, not making plans over her dead lover.
Maybe there is a reason Harry is the hero of the story, and Dean is just a guy who happens to be the ex-boyfriend of the hero's girlfriend.
“Shut it,” he says then. Once in a while in the stories, the hero needs advice. “This is Ginny Weasley we are talking about. That girl could defeat You-Know-Who himself if he wasn’t so smart to avoid her.”
Now his joke hits the right spot. Harry chuckles, the sound fresh in the night, and for a moment Dean sees the shadow of the joyful guy who walked hand-in-hand with Dean's ex-girlfriend.
It still hurts, but it also feels bearable. Maybe after this is over, Dean can find the story in which he is more than a footnote.
“Luna can charm the radio like no one, she finds the most interesting tunes,” he notes. “Come inside, we can wait in the living room until Bill returns.”
Until they know that Ginny is safe, Dean means.
Harry nods, and Dean knows he understood; once it would be strange to share this connection with Harry, but now, like everything else, the forebonding sense of doom seems to diminish the awkwardness.
“I'd like that," Harry says, and they turn to enter the cottage.
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Why (Inattentive) ADHD folks are so sensitive to rejection.
I want to talk about this. It’s been in my mind a lot lately. In October I got my inattentive ADHD diagnosis at the age of 29 (I turn 30 in just 20 days).
Inattentive ADHD is what used to be call ADD in the past. The reason it’s not anymore is because we still have that Hyperactivity. It’s still there. It’s in our head, our mind, our racing thoughts going 100 miles an hour. The daydreaming, the excited rambling, the zoning out and completely ignoring everything around you for a solid 2-5 minutes before realising you’re driving on the highway(before you ask YES. This has happened to me on several occasions - no I have miraculously not been in any accidents.)
It’s an internal hyperactivity.
Anyway - all my life I’ve been struggling with a lot of emotional turmoil and if there’s one thing I know I’m afraid of. Something that can and has absolutely done in the past – break me – it’s rejection.
Social rejection, relationship rejection, romantic rejection, job rejection. We’ve all been there. It’s part of life. And every time someone express fear of said rejection. The response is almost always the same.
- What’s the worst that can happen?
- It’s not the end of the world.
- A no won’t kill you.
All true by the way yes. In the overview of the world, yes. Certainly things I’ve said myself. Things I’m still working on accepting.
Everybody has an emotional volume switch on the inside. Something you can turn up and down depending on your feelings.
ADHD folks often usually have a different kind of switch. We have off and on. 0% and 100%. Now There is a way to practice feeling the different percentages inbetween but it can be hard.
Also remember everybody is different and I am primarily speaking from personal experience and talking with others who has felt similar.
What does 0 vs 100% mean you ask?
Well it means either you can or you can’t. If I get the job I applied for that’s 100% - I CAN do what I want to work as.
If I happen to not get the job I applied for? That 0%. That’s me being told that I’m not good enough.
And the more rejections I get the more I’m told how much I truly must suck at this type of job I really want.
The more rejections given the bigger, the louder, the more INTENSE this 0% becomes.
No. It’s not the end of the world. It won’t kill me. But it hurts so bad it feels like it does.
“Stop getting upset. It’s just a lost toy, it’s just one job, It’s just one guy/girl/any, It’s just xyz, it’s not that bad.”
No. It’s not JUST xyz. Yes it IS that bad because it FEELS that bad. Because it feels intense. We can’t just linger somewhere in between. Even though we want to.
Just… be aware. Understand that we try but it’s not that easy. Things hits us harder because if we don’t feel at 0% we feel it at 100%.
“…then she was kissing him as she had never kissed him before, and Harry was kissing her back, and it was blissful oblivion, better than Firewhisky; she was the only real thing in the world, Ginny, the feel of her, one hand at her back and one in her long, sweet-smelling hair –” HP7
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