WHAT IS IT ABOUT YOU?

This wasn’t going well. Ethan was staring down the barrel of a long prison sentence if things go to shit, which is exactly how things were proceeding at this rate. Yes he’d withheld information from Nik, but it was to protect his family. She comes highly recommended, but still she’s an outsider to the family. The only reason he’d gone with her and not the Scaletta’s usual go to attorney was Ethan didn’t want his parents or sister dragged into this. At the moment all the prosecution has is dirt on Ethan, nothing that as yet implicates anyone else in his family. He wants to keep it that way.

"rookie mistake. maybe trust your counsel a little more? i don't enjoy being fucked by surprise." she was vulgar, but after years of servicing clients that rarely watched their tongue, she'd learned how to communicate in ways her ex-husband always hated — enough that he'd finally asked for that divorce he'd threatened for years on end.

his   words   pour   into   her   like   cream   into   coffee   ,   settling   nerves   that   have   stood   on   edge   since   first   she   answered   the   door   .   he   wants   to   be   someone   that   won't   let   her   down   ;   psyche   races   as   she   lets   that   truth   wash   over   her   like   the   world's   most   welcome   wave   .   thumbs   continue   their   strokes   as   he   affirms   his   desire   to   meet   bella   ,   emotions   running   high   with   each   tender   movement   of   slender   digits   .   pressure   of   sturdy   arms   wrapped   around   her   frame   grounds   the   blonde   in   ways   she   never   expected   to   experience   again   ,   &   it's   all   too   easy   to   let   her   own   drape   over   broad   shoulders   as   they   linger   just   a   moment   longer   .   doesn't   want   to   deprive   him   of   his   daughter   any   longer   than   addiction   already   has   ,   but   the   time   feels   necessary   as   she   builds   the   nerve   to   spill   what's   in   her   heart   .

❝  i   never   .   .   .   i   never   stopped   loving   you   ,   ❞   whimpers   soft   through   tear   stained   brims   .   ❝  even   when   i   figured   i'd   never   see   you   again   ,   even   when   i   was   so   mad   at   you   i   could   have   exploded   .   you   always   had   a   piece   of   my   heart   .   ❞   surreal   to   finally   have   the   opportunity   to   admit   as   much   ,   every   word   rings   true   as   digits   of   one   hand   thread   up   into   clipped   ,   earthen   locks   .   waterlogged   lashes   flutter   reverently   as   she   allows   the   other   hand   to   wander   ,   running   along   his   chest   &   arm   as   though   committing   him   to   memory   should   anything   tear   him   away   again   .   ❝  i'm   not   trying   to   stall   ,   i'm   sorry   ,   ❞   murmurs   low   ,   chin   hitting   a   soft   pivot   as   courage   swells   in   her   chest   .   ❝  i   just   –   you   need   to   know   that   i   –   that   i   still   –   fuck   ,   zavi   .   .   .   ❞

brims   crash   into   his   like   a   freight   train   ,   fervid   gesture   filled   with   a   year's   worth   of   raw   emotion   as   forelimbs   wrap   about   his   neck   once   more   .   can't   help   but   melt   into   his   embrace   ,   tears   flowing   freely   as   a   soft   simper   becomes   tangible   within   the   kiss   .   it's   hungered   &   tender   &   desperate   all   at   once   ,   a   microcosm   of   every   emotion   she's   felt   since   he   left   all   those   months   ago   .   ❝  okay   ,   ❞   murmurs   after   several   moments   of   indulgence   ,   lowering   back   down   from   the   tips   of   her   toes   &   entwining   slight   fingers   with   strong   ,   sturdy   counterparts   .   ❝  come   with   me   .   .   .   ❞

when she finally spoke again, her voice strained by the emotion he'd spotted welling behind her gaze, the world seemed to tilt beneath his feet. a breath caught in his throat and every carefully rehearsed response disappeared, leaving only surprised silence. his gaze was fixed on her, frozen, because he was unable to reconcile the hope he'd buried long ago with the impossible truth standing before him.

despite all his wrongs, all the distance time, she still loved him? "if i could do it all again, i'd tell you. i'd be honest." neither of them could turn back time, no matter how much he willed the ability to so into the void. maybe he wouldn't gotten kicked out of two facilities. maybe he could've gotten it right on the first try. his dark orbs fell to the way her hand pressed at him, familiar, but exploring too. her voice pulled his focus back to her big blues, back to the only eyes that had ever thrown him off kilter.

thick brows knitted together as her frustrations grew. he parted full lips to offer a round of reassurance, but he fell silent the moment her body crashed into his, her mouth claiming and desperate to translate all she couldn't say aloud. his hands fell to cup either side of her face as his tongue collided in a battle of want. even as she pulled, zavi found himself leaning toward her, chasing the fire on her tongue before he accepted defeat, dropping his touch and settling back into place, his smile wide and no longer tamed by worry.

"for the record," he started, waiting until she look his way before he continued on, "i never stopped loving you either. not for a single second." she was the tether that kept him sane when he'd wanted to quit. even if she'd told him fuck off in the end, it wouldn't have changed a thing.

zavi pulled in a steadying breath at the sound of their on the other side of the door. the sound, light and full of life, knocked something impossibly loose in his chest and he knew without a doubt, that he'd do anything for the both of them. he took in the shade of pink that kissed the walls, his nerves kicking up the second he lost her touch. step by step, he kept his eyes on the crib until she was lifting their little out of it and introducing him as dad. it didn't matter that the child wasn't old enough to understand.

panic flooded his system when the blonde transferred the child into his arms. he nodded along to her instructions, terrified of getting it wrong. his eyes burned with tears of joy, of happiness that he never thought he'd find in this lifetime. "i'm your dad. i promise, i won't ever leave you again." the child cooed and laughed, and zavi swore he could feel his heartbeat hammering in his throat. "she has your smile." it pulled higher to one side slightly, just like hers did. "she's perfect."

dion purses his lips. really, he wants to scream, to grab ale by his shoulders and shake him until there’s even one ounce of good sense in him. instead, he waits – patient – like he always does, nodding when the other man apologizes and corrects himself. given alejandro’s trajectory, there may very well come a day where isandro doesn’t want to talk to him, bu they haven’t reached that yet, and dion prays they don’t – prays alejandro will get his shit together and put his priorities in line. manifestation or whatever. he’s hopeful. “he loves you. i won’t speak for him.”

ale insists he’ll only drink with company, and dion nods in agreement. another glass will maybe ease some of this discomfort – some of these bad feelings. he wants so badly to believe in ale – for shit to be good and right, but he can’t force ale’s hand at the end of the day. “might need to polish off the whole bottle.” he teases with a hint of the saddest smile.

dion frowns as alejandro begins to speak. to espiridion, it feels like more excuses – something easy and convenient for alejandro to hide behind. “you had ample warning when this was happening, i don’t understand why you couldn’t conduct business around it.” if you wanted to be there, you would have… he doesn’t say. it wouldn’t help, it’s from a feeling of hurt, and dion’s not about that. so, he swallows it down, tries to think of how best to approach this situation. “why’s it got to be all or nothing? why can’t you find some balance?”

he thought of himself, and how despite his father's attempt to set him up for success, he'd still buried himself in student loans. that kind of pressure and stress should have been enough to bury him, but he'd had dion motivating him, and then he'd had isandro to push him too. "it wouldn't be difficult. this stuff? it's better than what you'd get at any wine or spirits store around here."

seated and frustrated with himself, ale nodded slowly and stared at the expensive glass that sat at his fingertips. "it was my mistake. i must've misplaced it on my calendar. by the time i realized, it was too late." he'd cursed himself for hours on end for the clerical error. he knew better, and yet, he'd screwed up, even when he'd tried not to. "we can, d. i can. i know i've said it a lot, but i can. i know what happens if i can't and i won't... i won't let either of you down like that. not more than i already have."

hard   pressed   not   to   reach   for   him   on   instinct   ,   pride   &   relief   swelling   as   the   explanation   begins   to   spill   from   his   lips   .   she'd   been   so   afraid   when   he   left   ,   so   certain   he'd   gone   off   on   a   bender   ,   off   to   rid   himself   of   any   part   in   her   life   or   the   life   of   their   child   .   she'd   thought   of   him   every   night   ,   worried   about   whether   or   not   he   was   sleeping   somewhere   safe   or   doped   up   under   a   bridge   somewhere   with   no   intention   to   ever   return   .   it   had   nearly   cost   her   own   sobriety   ,   may   very   well   have   were   it   not   for   the   life   growing   inside   her   at   the   time   .   she'd   had   to   stay   strong   for   the   baby   ,   had   to   make   certain   she   would   have   at   least   one   reliable   parent   to   keep   her   safe   &   comfortable   .   ❝  you   .   .   .   that's   why   you   disappeared   ?   to   get   yourself   clean   ?   ❞   turns   the   idea   over   in   her   mind   ,   relief   flooding   each   sense   as   she   listens   to   him   continue   his   explanation   .

she's   not   surprised   that   he'd   struggled   ,   that   getting   clean   had   challenged   him   in   ways   he'd   never   experienced   .   she's   seen   her   share   of   addiction   ;   in   herself   , &   in   her   previous   line   of   work   .   watched   as   customers   became   regulars   ,   only   to   lose   the   battle   to   their   habits   .   regret   stains   her   psyche   every   day   for   the   damage   to   which   she's   contributed   ,   the   lives   broken   &   lost   at   the   hands   of   a   chased   &   captured   high   .   to   know   that   zavier   hasn't   become   just   another   statistic   ,   that   he's   put   in   the   work   to   better   himself   ,   brings   a   swell   of   pride   to   the   hollow   of   her   chest   as   saline   begins   to   pool   at   last   within   quivering   tear   ducts   .   ❝  zavi   .   .   .   that's   incredible   ,   really   .   if   i'd   only   known   –   i   just   wish   you   hadn't   been   alone   through   all   of   that   ;   i   wish   i   could   have   visited   ,   or   helped   you   ,   or   something   .   .   .   ❞

but   the   reality   rests   true   beneath   her   psyche   ,   the   understanding   that   their   relationship   would   have   derailed   his   progress   .   they'd   never   been   entirely   stable   ,   not   consistent   enough   to   hold   up   throughout   the   process   of   entering   rehab   .   it   would   have   made   things   harder   for   him   to   detox   ,   for   her   to   focus   on   getting   herself   through   a   truly   healthy   pregnancy   .   the   stars   had   not   aligned   ,   universe   had   not   intended   a   union   at   the   time   –   can't   help   but   wonder   if   perhaps   things   could   be   different   now   .   &   then   his   final   sentiment   pours   into   the   room   ,   wrapping   around   her   like   a   blanket   ,   &   self   restraint   flies   out   the   window   .   ❝  you   –   you   did   this   for   us   .   .   .   ?   ❞

zavier's jaw tightened, the weight of her words settling somewhere deep in his chest. he hadn't let himself imagine what disappearing had done to her — not because he didn't care, but because he'd been too ashamed to face the answer.

his gaze dropped for a moment, fingers rubbing absentmindedly over scarred knuckles before he finally looked back at her. that was something he could proud of. he nodded slowly when she asked for clarification, like it wasn't in the top one hundreds she'd ever considered. he couldn't blame her for that either.

"don't do that. please," he pleaded carefully between worrying his lower lip between his teeth. it wasn't that he hadn't wanted her there. it just wasn't good for the steps, and he knew deep down, that if she'd visited, he would have followed her out the front door, steps be damned. "i needed the time. i don't know if i could have kept goin' if you showed up. i don't think i would have stayed."

it was brutal honesty, not to harm, but to paint the picture of just how loud his demons had gotten. "i'm sorry... that i wasn't there for you." he had questions about her pregnancy, wanted to know the things he'd missed and the stories he wasn't apart of. missed time that he'd never get back, time that they'd never share.

the warmth of her embrace wrapped around him just like he'd remembered. her perfume filled his head and the wet press of her tears against his skin was a reminder of all that he'd left behind. zavi squeezed her small frame gently, a silent promise that he was there, and he wasn't going anywhere. "she deserves a good dad and you deserve... you deserve someone that won't let you down." his voice was low, but his words were solid.

his heart lurched the moment she pulled away, panic tightening around his ribs before he could stop it. for one fleeting moment, he thought he'd said too much, that she'd finally decided that he'd done too much damage to deserve another chance. the fear coiled tighter, stealing air from his lungs.

and then her hands found him. warm palms settled against either side of his face, grounding him in an instant. he melted into the touch on instinct, eyes fluttering shit for a the briefest moment as relief washed over him. it'd been so long since he'd allowed himself to believe that he was worthy of being held like this. that he was worthy of anything good at all. "it wasn't easy," he admitted, the words escaping on a slow exhale, his voice laced with a weary sort of amusement that only someone who'd survived could manage. his gaze drifted for a moment, remembering all the hell he'd gone through before landing on her doorstep again. "... but yeah. i did it for the both of you."

the offer in the form of a question stole every coherent thought from his mind, leaving only the deafening thud of his heartbeat in his eats. do you want to meet her? it was everything he'd spent the last year of his life praying for, yet somehow he'd never believed he'd actually deserve it. his throat tightened painfully, eyes burning as they filled with tears he made attempt to hide. a shaky breath escaped him, followed by a small, barely audible laugh that cracked beneath the weight of his emotions. he nodded once, then again, more firmly, like it was slowly sinking in that this wasn't a dream.

"please," he breathed, voice trembling as he held her close. "i do. more than anything." he was equal parts terrified and excited, but he didn't make a move toward the doorway her gaze had wandered off to a few times. he couldn't tear himself away from her. "i wanna meet our daughter."

jaw   clenched   as   she   fights   to   maintain   composure   ,   can't   help   but   curse   the   saline   threatening   to   pool   behind   fluttering   lashes   .   this   is   a   mistake   ,   it   has   to   be   .   his   voice   alone   cannot   still   have   this   much   power   over   the   rate   of   her   heartbeat   ,   over   the   soft   quiver   within   slender   knees   .   it   sounds   like   a   song   when   he   drawls   her   name   ,   timbre   deep   &   earnest   ,   &   a   war   begins   anew   not   to   let   the   silken   husk   of   his   tone   send   her   running   straight   into   his   arms   .   bad   enough   her   feet   move   of   their   own   volition   ,   half   a   step   closer   ,   just   enough   to   warrant   an   upward   tip   of   the   chin   to   peer   into   sable   hues   she's   missed   so   deeply   .   enough   to   catch   the   scent   of   his   cologne   &   swallow   hard   ,   to   fold   trembling   forelimbs   across   her   chest   as   though   to   close   herself   off   from   the   raw   vulnerability   of   the   moment   .

supposes   she   should   have   predicted   his   next   query   ,   much   as   it   shatters   her   heart   that   he   has   to   ask   at   all   .   part   of   her   wants   to   shy   away   from   answering   ,   force   him   to   explain   why   he's   shown   up   now   &   what's   to   keep   him   from   vanishing   again   before   allowing   him   the   privilege   of   information   regarding   their   daughter   .   but   the   little   girl   is   made   of   him   just   as   much   her   ,   &   despite   every   ounce   of   heartbreak   there's   little   more   that   noah   could   want   than   for   him   to   know   the   miracle   they've   created   .   so   with   a   deep   respiration   &   another   quick   glance   toward   the   nursery   door   ,   doe   eyes   return   to   hold   his   gaze   .   ❝  her   name   is   isabella   .   .   .   bella   .   it's bella   favreau  -  ortiz   .   ❞

by the time the third facility spit him back out, that pride had long since withered. what remained was a desperate, hollowed-out man, searching every face for forgiveness, even from people he'd never wronged.

getting back on his feet again was the real challenge. every apartment building wanted proof of income, something that he couldn't give. he'd found solace in a halfway house in the city. it was old and every room held pieces of past occupants. his room was on the second floor, the paint on the walls chipping from years of carelessness. some of the other residents had done real time, others came from treatment facilities like himself. it wasn't a place to make friends, but it was the best he could do.

zavi paused, his focus not daring wander from her, even if he wanted to follow the way her eyes dragged to the doorway that could only mean one thing. it was their daughter's space, the daughter he had real right to claim. a quiet hum of emotion slipped past his lips when she spoke the child's name. "it's perfect," he mumbled, voice worn thin by gratitude and disbelief. despite his absence, she'd still given him a chance.

discomfort was something he'd long grown used to drowning out with a pill. now, all he could do was focus on every measured inhale and tap impatiently at denim. "i wouldn't have blamed you if you had." he'd left without warning, but in his defense, at the time, it'd felt like the only real move he had left. "i wanted to get clean. like.. really get clean. i tried, y'know? i really fuckin' tried," his voice dipped, betraying the confidence he wanted to display. the same confidence he'd been working on for a whole year.

"i checked myself into this place. no one told me that i wouldn't have phone privileges for weeks. didn't matter anyway, 'cause i blew it about a month in. got caught with a stash and uh, they kicked me out. i found another place and things were good. i wanted to call, but uh, they said i should focus on my recovery. i made it almost three months and there was this... thing, and next thing i know, i'm being told it's done."

he took a steadying breath, his eyes falling to the floor in the brief pause. when he spoke again, he dared to meet her assessing gaze. "lucky number three was where it finally clicked. i worked my steps, and i graduated. i tried finding place, but it's hard when you haven't worked a real job in a year."

it wasn't an excuse, but it was the explanation she'd asked for. "i know i should've reached out sooner, but i wanted to get my shit sorted. i wanted to make sure this sobriety thing could really stuck. she deserves better than that. you deserve better than that."

she'd   never   shied   away   from   his   demons   ;   noah   had   been   forced   to   kick   similar   habits   herself   when   those   two   pink   lines   had   shown   up   one   fateful   morning   .   she'd   hoped   they   could   get   clean   together   ,   find   some   sort   of   harmony   at   last   for   the   sake   of   their   unborn   child   .   instead   he'd   disappeared   ,   left   without   a   trace   leaving   the   blonde   at   a   crossroads   she'd   never   imagined   .   a   choice   between   the   life   she'd   been   living   ,   or   the   life   she   could   carry   into   the   world   &   give   herself   a   greater   purpose   .   she'd   chosen   the   latter   ,   cutting   out   all   of   the   substances   cold   turkey   &   facing   nine   long   months   alone   &   heartbroken   before   delivering   , by   some   miracle   , a   healthy   baby   girl   .   the   child   became   her   entire   world   ,   one   from   which   zavier   began   to   fade   until   she   finally   realized   that   she   could   do   this   on   her   own   .   so   she   put   him   behind   her   ,   wishing   the   best   for   him   &   growing   to   accept   that   she'd   never   hear   from   him   again   ;   until   a   random   afternoon   brings   a   familiar   knock   to   her   door   ,   hitching   the   breath   in   her   lungs   &   setting   her   heart   racing   within   her   chest   .

his heart slammed against his ribs when his dark orbs fell down the length of her. for one whole year, all he wanted was to see her again, to be close enough to touch her. now that she was there, his hands trembled at his sides, and an unfamiliar uncertainty settled deep in his chest. fear had never found a place between them, and yet, there it was, settling into the silence like an old friend.

zavi tracked her wandering gaze, nearly missing that she'd stepped aside to clear a path for his entrance. he exhaled a shaky breath and stepped over the threshold and into the place should have felt like home. her gentle warning knocked something loose beneath his ribs — she's sleeping. "shit. i'm sorry." he drew a quiet breath as guilt tightened around him, unforgiving and relentless in its grip.

"noah," he called, low and sweet, her name dripping off his lips like honey. he couldn't promise her anything, couldn't guarantee that he wouldn't fall back into old habits, but he could apologize for plenty and mean every word. "what's her name?" it wasn't what he'd practiced for hours on end. it wasn't an apology at all. he looked toward with a mix of desperation and curiosity. was it possible that he'd help create a tiny human? that he, the royal fuck up, was capable of doing something good? "please," he added, voice strained, gaze unwavering.