Esther Andoh

The final sketch.

like something i think we need to accept is that mainstream contemporary queer discourse does not have actual functionally consistent definitions of sexual and romantic attraction. which makes perfect sense because those are extremely subjective, complicated, multifaceted, nebulous, and deeply personal kinds of feelings. but people toss these terms out as if everyone is already on the same page about what they actually entail and so they can then be used to come to some sort of universal understanding of what feelings are then deviant from the implicit "normal" sexual and romantic attraction. and i just simply don't think that's the case. norms around romance and sex are so so so much more about policing the way people behave than the way they feel because we do not have the privilege of experiencing anyone else's emotional landscape first hand, or interfacing it at all without it needing to first be externalized through some form of speech or action.

there are people who consider themselves asexual and still willingly have and enjoy sex with a partner. there are people who willingly have and enjoy sex with their partner who consider that willingness and enjoyment to be sexual attraction in its own right and don't find the asexual label to be applicable or helpful for them even if their sexual feelings are nonstandard. there are people who have chosen to spend their lives with each other and never fuck once who consider their relationship to be queerplatonic. there are people in the exact same circumstances who consider themselves to be a romantic couple. and none of these people are somehow wrong about themselves, or invalidating each other by their use of terminology that contradicts one another, they just have different ways of conceptualizing their feelings.

*sigh* it really sucks how homocentric language routinely validates internalized biphobia when it comes to discussions like this. as well-intentioned as OP is, the treatment of orientation as lifestyle or political stance (like political lesbianism) does do damage to both the lesbian and bisexual communities IMO. because there are a thousand and ten ways to live or experience life as a lesbian, but they all require that one be a female homosexual. anything else is just fetishism, even if in the form of pedestalization. and it’s a frankly tiring routine when bisexual women are praised for fetishizing lesbians by lesbians and then accused of predation the moment they express curiosity for or even explore the fullness of their sexuality aside from being sapphic.

not to mention, it is a common biphobic (or at the very least monosexual) refrain that bisexuality means and must only mean equal attraction to both sexes or that bisexuality means heterosexuality for women and homosexuality for men. a lot of bisexual women internalize “your sexuality is tainted by your attraction to men” since homocentric language in the queer community (and biphobic rhetoric in general) marginalizes and erases bisexual perspectives on bisexuality and thus cannot accept genuine expressions of bisexuality (since being attracted to women and men cannot possibly co-occur without one being ultimately false; in fact, it has to be comphet, that’s what it is). it is a real problem that most bisexuals view themselves as either “functionally straight” or “functionally gay” because our sexuality is also fetishized as one that is supposedly “free-for all” or “for men” (which also means the titillation of men). it is so important to normalize bisexuals having preferences for either sex and still BEING BISEXUAL. because the biphobic culture that forces bisexuals to prove their sexuality in a hundred different ways is unfair and dangerous to bisexual people who come in all shapes and sizes and are starved of community because of this refusal to see bisexuality in anything but through a strictly monosexual lens.

a gay person remains gay whether or not they’re sexually active or dating anybody. they are not suddenly asexual. even if they choose a life of celibacy. celibacy is the lifestyle, not their homosexuality. likewise, a bisexual woman who dates only women and is predominantly interested in women should still be seen as bisexual. this avoids exacerbating several problems for both homosexual and bisexual people, especially when it comes to sexual coercion.

Dreaming of Summer 🌾

My mom tried to lose weight in vain for months before she finally gave into my begging her to get a second opinion. The first doctor she saw next scheduled her for surgery the same day she met him. When my mom asked about the risk of operating on her he told her that there was some minor risks for complication and that all she would need to do to alleviate the risk was spend an extra night in the hospital so that they could keep a look out for any complications.

There were zero. There were also zero complications when she had her other knee done, her hip replaced and her gallbladder removed.

after like 45 minutes of arguing she finally gives up and requests and xray and OH BOY what does she find?? evidence of fractures woooo to which she has to begrudgingly order me an xray because oh fuck I was right and now she has to make sure I dont need back surgery and thankfully I didn’t I had two closed fractures in my thoracic spine but like holy fuck that was just one of the many times she instantly assumed that all my fat ass wanted was pain meds and not, i don’t know, fucking relief from the fact that I could not walk comfortably at that point

that doctor would also proceed to constantly violate hipaa because she was also the primary doctor of both my brother and my dad.