Sin título

For 13 years all I ever did was try to eat my onions, learn the theme song of my favorite TV shows, try to memorize the multiplication table, and play. Play, play, play, all day and night was my motto. My parents might have been the kind of parents that cared that I learned diligence and responsibility, but either way for my child-self everything after all was a game. Why did it have to change? When did I stop seeing things as facile and started making a big deal out of everything? I always knew something had to happen but I didn’t notice it had started already until I turned 15. I don’t know why, but I know how: External pressure. Pressure from EVERYTHING around me. My surroundings started me telling me that beginning a certain point in life, everything I did would have a mark on my future.

Adolescence is the period of life where a child forms and transforms into an adult. But, how can anyone expect (especially since they all have gone through it) a child, a mere naive child, to completely become a responsible, put together-successful, full grown-up?

I struggled with it. From elementary to junior high, the piles of homework duplicated by tens, but despite of that, all I ever wanted was to keep playing with my dolls along with my sister. Then, watching cartoons or any child’s shows was not appropriate anymore! When did children’s stuff become not appropriate to watch on the TV but violence was? I turned 14, 15, 16, and when I turned 17 I started working. Working is the way, in my family, you show you have grown up and are competent, especially when all of them have an anti-homeschooling mentality.  I received a job offer to be a pre-school English teacher, and my whole childhood was done right there. I felt I had to take the job, not exactly because I wanted to, although I did feel it was a fair opportunity, but because I had to for my parents. My parents didn’t force me to take the job, but what do you do when your home needs help and you’re in perfect conditions to do so? Well, you help. A moment ago I was the kid playing dodge ball and answering flash cards, but now I’m the teacher telling the kids to not hit each other and to stay quiet in the classroom.

Why did I have to become an adult? I didn’t want to. I refused to do it. But when all your friends, close ones, boss, and students, basically tell you to, it’s pretty difficult to go against what’s “natural.”

I know my taste in many things started to change. It’s only “natural.” it’s the age. And I’m not against that, but if no one had taken the time to tell me what I should like and what I shouldn’t like now, maybe it wouldn’t have been so tough. Thanks to my denying it, I became an 18 year old young adult a little bit differently but effectively anyway.

By Estefania Castaneda

Being alive, being healthy, waking up again every morning for 18 years, being worth of God’s love, or being a pride to my parents. These are some of the things I call worth of pride; things, moments, situations where one must feel truly proud of. I will be proud of the moment I’ll be able to say I am faithful, of the moment I’ll say I live for God, the moment I know I have done nothing but my very best.

When I learned English I was very proud of my achievement. But there was a moment years later that repaid by far the moment I learned English and it was truly prideful. Five months ago I was able to attend a mission trip as a translator, and helping others to help others was really an honor. Moreover, the fact that I was able to also preach the gospel because of the skill I had is the most rewarding thing.

What are my goals? Is that a proper question to ask somebody or should it only be restricted to be asked to ourselves.

Do I have goals? Is that even a question? That being said, the obvious answer is, thank goodness I do. Am I going to list and tell them for you to know them? No. Well, first let me explain something to all of you.

For as long as I can remember adults, leaders, and authorities have been asking my generation what are our goals in life and telling us to dream “big.” But it wasn’t until apparently my future depended on it that I starting asking it to myself.

I do have a vision and expectations of what and how I want my future life to turn out. I can’t help to think and imagine what can come out of what I study in my higher education. For example what if I go into political economy and government and I serve as the next Secretary of education “the new Betsy DeVos” or even become the first female president of my country (I can see it already “Miss President”). I also sometimes ponder in what the final choice of important decisions can bring. Not too long ago it honestly terrified me.

The truth is, I’m sorry for not having my life planned out, for not having every aspect of it design for me by me

Please teachers, stop asking us that question. It only makes us more confused, doubtful, and stressed than we already are. The anxiety that our plans and goals are not going to be good enough in your point of view makes me believe that maybe it doesn’t allow us to fully adventure ourselves into self-discovery.

Reading a book about how to found what we are meant to be, I found that the perfect place one can find himself is in the middle of God’s will. That is my goal in life.

The only goal that matters to me is the one of accomplishing God’s will in my life. And by walking with him every day longing to be nearer and closer each step of the way, is the way I plan to always accomplish it.

Often times I ask myself, what is the purpose of having my goals clear and settle? Should I have goals for my life, which eventually little by little will create the path toward my future? Is it really only about knowing what you want to work to get there and avoid asking 35 years later why did I waste so much time wandering through life?

Some time ago, when I turned 17 was the exact moment the pressure of having to face big changes and decisions made me take one of the best choice I have ever made. I kneeled down in prayer and decided to leave in Jesus’ hands the plans, aspirations, and dreams I had. The way not knowing how to accomplish my plans and not having a clue of where should start made feel a way I couldn’t bear it any longer.