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@espurr-bplot

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Thinking about how I mentioned being ace again the other day and bro was like "you're EXTREMELY asexual" no bro I'm not but I have bpd and virgined too close to the sun I just got all my hangups with sexuality carefully re-applied to my brain where I don't have the trust in others or myself to be explicitly sexual.
I was so like, fine with the concept of sexuality and possibly getting into sexual situations and completely went 10 steps backwards
I think I'm not strictly asexual, like yeah probably acespec but I think I naturally lean more allo
i know i should be happy for you but GOD IT MAKES ME WANT TO END IT ALL
It should be obvious i'd feel kinda jealous so why is the first thing you do rub your sexuality in my face
How much clearer can I make it that I find it upsetting? Genuinely how much clearer?
God it makes me want to throw up why are you doing this to me, how much clearer can i make it, what do i need to tell you for you to understand it
I didn't even really consider myself asexual you know, but this made me disgusted with sexuality again
AUGH i just want to rip all my skin off WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING THIS
was about to suipost again then realized i for real sound / am like this
STOP TELLING ME ABOUT YOUR SEX SHIT PLEASE

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Although I know no one actually, personally keeps track of this blog, I like to imagine what people would Gather is happening in my life based on the evolution of my posts
They should invent a boyfriend you can beat the shit out of and he thanks you and cuddles you after
It makes me giggle when people say they get flustered at my threats cause low-key so do I LOL LMAO
Asexual people don't even abstain from sexual desire anymore they just bleed you to death
I want to hold him down and crush his neck like a can AHHHH ππππππππ

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the eye in the sky that has patiently watched humanity, waiting for the day it would fall,
you would think a species wanting to supplant another would use violence; that they would dig their claws into the Earth and tear out the roots
What are the ethics of removing violence from the universe? is pacifism worth the possible harm?
there is no blood on its claws for the eye in the sky's supposed kind heart, and there will never be;
little attempts to sway humanity in their favor, towards the great big drop that will extinguish it peacefully; chitinous hands gently closing the eyes of its still-warm body
they want the Earth and all it has, they want to extinguish the abhorrent aggression of the human race, but they have the time...
in their singular purpose, their near-endless prison, stagnating through years and years of human development, it stares down the barrel of a meaningless existence
the eye in the sky doesn't tear at the root, it seeps poison into the ground, a more merciful end, if it strokes the leaves as they wilt
it is bigger than any insect, but sees itself in them as they curl up, through the eyes of those disgusting creatures
it sees them fight and kill and desecrate, it watches them love and smile and create, it sees as they cry and crawl and beg
for the millions of violent deaths, the carelessness of people sitting on heaps of cogs in the killing machine, for all the blood they shed and things they destroy
how hard is it to love something intent on eating itself? when you stroke the leaves and still feel the sun's warmth between the divots, fleeting and soon forever gone
the eye in the sky is a machine full of cogs, hamsters running in wheels, monkeys on typewriters; parallel to a world right below them
the humans, obsessed with capital, the eyes, obsessed with what they see; and it asks its bodies-
-if they are cogs, aren't we cogs in a machine too?
and the bodies say, is there anything so beautiful as a machine well-run-?
the people spirited away, that humanity did not miss, objects of their affection with things still skittering inside
it loops around to the insect, envisions its claw under its small body
ground up in the machine, curled up on its back, like the shape of the Earth itself
the eye in the sky, that never blinks, never sheds a tear,
inside are a million more,
and a fraction yearns for the horrors of the world, to be a small mindless thing, to run in the underbrush of Earth and see the humans love and cry and crawl
to live those two years and look up at the eyeless sky
instead, claws intertwined with fingers gone cold, it stares towards the green plastic terrarium, and hopes not to see a reflection
but there is nothing the eye in the sky cannot see,
there is no way out of it, no way out of the machine
the bug leaves, but the eye remains,
claws shutting those frigid eyelids
And he's still not back. How long has it been? Is he dead?
I wonder if I'm too depressed now for you to be invested in me
I think it's hard for them to grasp that, to me, "I'm not doing well" can mean not wanting to be around people at all; it can mean feeling empty and restless when I try to engage in activities I'd normally like
It doesn't just mean I'm slightly snippy or quiet
When I say I have issues around this time it doesn't mean I'm going to be slightly gloomy it generally means I need to basically be on swside watch
So surely, it should be obvious why it'd be in poor taste to harass me to do things with you
everyone just wants me to do things for them, to do things THEY want, i guess i'm real convenient huh? FUCK OFF

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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it's MY birthday but i have to do what YOU want okay okay I SEE
"i'm bad at keeping surprises" guy seeming to have no surprises to keep #lmao