@ girls stop apologizing for your appearance. “sorry I’m not wearing make up today”, “sorry my hair is a mess” like who cares if you go out looking like a gremlin you don’t have to be pretty 24/7 and you don’t have to apologize for not putting effort into your appearance yall are still valid 

folks, I’m just gonna say it. I don’t think it rains for long enough periods of time. it rains hard, it sounds good, I’m comfortable inside, but within 5 minutes the jig is up. the dream is over. I think it should rain for longer periods of time than it presently does

Every apex predator, looking at a capybara chilling: “…nah, I can’t eat this dude, that would be fucked up”

*floop flop*

I love that she is exposing the ugly stuff that goes on in washington. This is why the politicians hate her so much but the people love her.

What was that bit about “draining the swamp” again?

God, listening to John Mulaney talk about doing hard fucking drugs in his youth is like hearing a nun reminisce on her last orgy before she converted. What do you mean you didn’t come out of the womb with a fatherly demeanor and crippling anxiety?

The hardest drug I can picture John Mulvaney doing is a bottle of tums

I hope you all find someone who gives you cute names and tells you it’s adorable when you do embarrassing things and hugs you when it’s early in the morning and makes you feel like you have a whole disneyland fireworks show going off inside your body and never ever lets you go 

do u ever see someone reALLY cute in public and you just kinda ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)