"Lucky" by Colin Wilson
almost home
we're not kids anymore.
Misplaced Lens Cap
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me

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"Lucky" by Colin Wilson

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i love polaroids that look like dreams
I'm tired of thinking of you but I know I sort of revel in it
thoughts of you nourish feelings I am guilty for
yearning and spinning my webs of delusion
home in my mind, you are of no obtrusion
lap the emptiness away
fill my ocean and sail through me
guide me amongst storm and sun
hold me under when it stops being fun
blink , blink , blink
why am I yearning. I just want someone. I want them to want me, to know me, to have me. I want to love and adore them and for once they are worthy of my innocence and kind heart and my wisdom and beauty. Love me, wherever you are. Find me and love me.
I write like tender kisses dotting a page. I wish it were your face. A hundred reminders of my adoration and glee. And a hundred more to remind myself you are mine. Why do I have so much love in my heart? Who is it for? I betray myself every time. It was all meant for me.
soothe me and hold me somebody, please
I'm so sick of this loneliness
so tired of the silence that surrounds me
I don't want to shine the way through every dark tunnel alone
why can't someone stand by my side, help guide the way
anybody, please
show me some kindness, rub my wounds and guide your empathy through my veins
let it pump through my heart so I might finally feel someone else's warmth to remind me
how human I am
why was it my purpose to suffer so much and so silently
when was I taught not to scream
why must my misery be secret
why wasn't I allowed the gift of expression

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I love the silence of snow
the sky is red and it is snowing and the world is silent and I wish I could show it to him.
I really miss you. sometimes I think about just booking a flight and messaging you out of the blue. I'd just forget my life and make it work with you. id get my body healthy so I could have a baby, or talk you into adopting. and id care for your animals while you're working. and cook you dinner when you get home. and I'd keep the house clean and maybe help at your shop or you could teach me about cars. and we'd travel to somewhere snowy in the winter. and take trips to the ocean on the weekends and you'd teach me fishing. and I'd stitch pixel art of your favourite pokemon and fix up your house.
but that's not me. I don't think I could do that. even if you accepted my appearance id never maintain myself enough. id never hold it together enough. you deserve someone to hold you up not bring you down. I don't think I could do or be enough to ever make up for what I lack. I just really hope he finds the right one and gets that life. he deserves it so much. please, world.
come back
Charlotte Sternberg - Textron advertisement, 1947

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09.01-22
Sunsets like this.
- Vivera Rossi
he still loves me :)
British Columbia, Canada by david__barkman

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I love you and miss you. I probably won't find another connection like ours. I'm so aware. I hate it. I just have to tell myself to be grateful though I can't help feeling so bitter. I was shown heaven through the gates of hell.
watching someone spiral and unintentionally contributing to it is awful. I'm sorry, I wish it had always been one sided. I wish you never had to understand what it means to feel empty. I wish I could hold you till the dark leaves your body. I wish I could soothe you until you're you again.