5x08 gave us a whole lot of infuriating moments. But there’s one in particular that makes me grind my teeth. Whole writers' room should chip in to pay for my dentist and I’m not kidding.
Ah, home sweet home. It’s so nice to be back in Hawkins from that hellhole! The MAC-Z gate is already visible in the distance, and nothing can stop the heroes’ triumphant entry into town…
Who would have thought there would be soldiers at the military access control zone? 😱 They’ve been there for the entire 18 months; they were there just a couple of hours ago, and they haven’t gone ANYWHERE 😱
Who could have expected that Dr. Kay – who shared dramatic look with El near the gate and sent soldiers after her – would be waiting for the girl right here? 😱
No one could have imagined, as they drove into the UD under cover of gunfire, that an ambush would be waiting for them on the way back 😱
Spike strip – what a treacherous trick! A good old classic tool in the army/police arsenal 😱 If only there had been an incredibly motivated cop/veteran among the characters to predict this outcome 😱
The most unexpected plot twist ever 🤌
Seriously, was I supposed to gasp or what?
The final step in the plan to defeat the big, bad villain was “We rescue the kiddos, come home heroes”. Viewers aren’t given any further explanation… but let’s think this through logically.
• Fact 1. The military and their desire to capture El have been a hindrance to the fight against Henry all season. It’s no secret; everyone is well aware of this threat.
• Fact 2. No one wants the military to take El away. Her family and friends love her and would much rather know she’s free and happy, thank you very much.
• Fact 3. Also, no one wants El to be blowed up with the UD. No one knows she’s planning to do that (with Kali), but if anyone did, everyone would be categorically against it.
I’m willing to admit that amid the chaos of the last few days – when no one got a wink of sleep while carrying out one crazy plan after another – the characters might have been a bit careless about El’s safety. This season, she’s been relied on far too often as a magical savior, a superhero for whom nothing is impossible. Lines like “only El can do this” are repeated from one dialogue to the next. Meanwhile, she herself is the one who really needs help.
But luckily, we have Hopper! I’d even go so far as to say that he’s the only one for whom the military is the main concern, and Henry is a sub-concern. I wrote a whole separate post about this.
Conclusion: the last crazy plan should have included “Do it in a way that El doesn't get caught” note. Hopper would've written it down himself if the rest of the party had suddenly forgotten.
So did the characters have a plan for how to get El back to Hawkins past the military? I thought long and hard about this question, and while my initial answer was “No, they didn’t have one – how stupid!”, I later began to see the vague outlines of a possible plan... which, for some reason, they don’t follow once they return from the Abyss.
Here, we’ll have to go back to Hop’s 37 successful crawls and talk about the importance of radio communication.
Note: I'm not very smart, and I don't really understand how radio communication works in general, let alone radio communication with another dimension in a fictional universe.
For now, I'll focus on this fact: a character in the Rightside Up can talk via walkie-talkie with a character in the Upside Down if they're both in roughly the same location.
In 5x07, Mike contacts Dustin (even though Dustin’s walkie is broken and the connection isn’t very good). They’re in different dimensions, but both are near the lab.
And in 5x08, Vickie talks to Robin. One is in the WSQK in Hawkins, and the other is near the WSQK in the UD, and they can hear each other perfectly.
It was vital for Hopper to stay in touch with his support team. During their missions, the party kept Hopper informed of the surrounding situation so he could sneak into a truck in the supply convoy unnoticed, jump off at the right intersection, and catch a ride back to Hawkins in time. He, in turn, also reported back to them on how he was doing and whether everything was okay. Everyone was working according to plan like a well-oiled machine.
With the crawl to the Abyss, everything immediately goes wrong.
• Stealth and caution went out the window. Now, to infiltrate the MAC-Z, they’re getting into a firefight with the military.
I get that driving a huge truck unnoticed through the gate is a real challenge. But, damn it, they’ve got an illusionist on their team??? An illusionist with extensive criminal experience, mind you – one who successfully fooled the Chicago police in the past. Cops would storm in guns blazing, and the entire queer commune would vanish into thin air. How about a little trick to distract soldiers?
No? Okay, cool, whatever.
• Technically, there’s a four-person support group left in Hawkins. One of them is a middle schooler (no offense, Erica), the second one slept through all the last 38 crawls and is scheduled to be in a trance, and the other two were today years old when they first learned about the UD. It’s hardly surprising that they were caught like blind kittens. My opinion: they should have left someone else behind in Hawkins. My choice is Joyce, for a number of reasons, but feel free to suggest your own best options in the comments – I’d love to read them!
• So, the Library Gate have been successfully crossed. Why don’t Erica and Mr. Clark leave Crow’s Nest – isn’t their mission over yet? They watch as soldiers are sent after the party, wonder if our friends will manage to shake them off properly, and don’t even consider leaving their post. My speculation: according to plan, they’re supposed to ensure the group’s safe return to Hawkins, monitor what’s happening at the MAC-Z, report on the situation, and perhaps reopen the gates remotely… Unfortunately for them, Dr. Kay isn’t completely clueless and tracks down the troublemakers who hacked the MAC-Z gates while the trail is still hot.
• A light flashes on the radio station, and Vickie grabs her walkie to talk to Robin.
The UD-RU connection has been established; it was shown on screen. The characters remember this, which is why Vickie even has a walkie-talkie in the first place! They agreed beforehand that they’d stay in touch and let each other know how things were going!
• “What the hell is taking them so long? — I don’t know. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that it’s a 500-foot tower.”
Vickie still hasn’t let go of the walkie-talkie. She’s waiting for Robin to check in once the party reaches the top of the tower! I doubt they expected to have a signal in the Abyss, so Robin will let Vickie know before the party heads down there! Like, “Babe, everything’s going according to plan, kisses, we’ll talk when I climb back out of the Abyss… wish me luck!” They agreed to keep each other updated on what’s happening!
But apparently, Robin didn’t do that...
• The radio station is being searched; our redheads have been captured by the military. My heart aches for Vickie at that moment – she tried so hard and did everything she could! Mind you, she didn’t have any relevant experience, and just this morning she had no idea what kind of responsibility would fall on her!
Dr. Kay is studying the plan for the final battle left in the projector. (I envy her... she knows all the details, while I’m left guessing!)
• Henry torments Hopper with visions of Agent Orange and little Sarah, drawing a connection between “the U.S. Army” and “a dead daughter”. Akers and his wolfpack drop by. Kali dies. You see, Hop wasn’t even in the Abyss, didn’t see the monstrous kaiju, didn’t witness Vecna getting his head chopped off… (That lucky bastard Jim... I wouldn't want to see that either, but alas!) While everyone else was completely focused on rescuing the kiddos, Hop appears in a scene with them for the first time right before the epilogue, when the kiddos have ALREADY been rescued – that’s how much his character arc is focused on something else!
El's safety is his main concern, while the kiddos and all supernatural crap are just a sub-concern.
• Oh, right – now Hopper knows about El's suicide plan. He's the only one who knows about it. It's now his responsibility to make sure she has no reason to carry it out.
• Evil has been defeated, the kiddos are safe, yay! Everyone heads down to the UD together. It’s the perfect time for Robin to grab her walkie and tell Vickie something like, “Babe, we’re all alive, I’m going home! Babe, do you copy? Babe?..”
Or maybe Lucas wants to let Max know that the kids are alright? I remember she was really worried about leaving Holly in trouble... He’ll surely rush to cheer her up with the good news as soon as possible!
But no, no one is trying to contact the redheads’ team. After all, if they didn’t get a response, they would suspect that something had happened in Hawkins while they were away...
Let me repeat: they agreed to check in and report on the situation. Vickie didn’t take her eyes off the walkie and was waiting for a signal from Robin. I didn’t make that up – that’s what was shown on screen.
• Then things just getting ultimately ridiculous. Buckle up – this is my favorite part!
If you recall, the whole party set off on the mission in a truck. Murray made a point of stopping near the lab so he could get out there with Hop, El, and Kali. After activating the bomb, Hop and Murray don’t wait for others to come pick them up – which is a shame, because that would have raised such interesting questions as “Where’s that other magical girl?” and “What are those corpses in camouflage lying around with the helicopter wreckage?”
Instead, they take a random car parked near the lab. I wonder if finding a second vehicle to return in was part of the original plan...
Wait a sec, I actually know for sure that it wasn't! If you look at the scheme Dr. Kay saw on the projector, catch the right frame and squint hard enough, you'll make out [Rescue Holly + the kids!!! ...truck back to lab + ...Hop, Murrey] in the lower right corner. So yeah, the second vehicle wasn't included.
And this random car is a Humvee. It's one of those Humvees that Akers and his men arrived in to capture El. The people who killed Kali. It’s their fuckin vehicle.
What is Hopper thinking about while riding in the military vehicle? Maybe the military? No, he wants a cigarette and some sleep!
Fuck my life, I can't take it anymore.
• And finally, as they drove past the bell tower, no one even thought to contact the Crow’s Nest to find out what was going on at MAC-Z, whether Mr. Clark was ready to hack the gates again, and whether it was time for Nancy to take up arms once more (okay, that last point is probably unnecessary; the shootout was a risky and reckless decision the first time around, and now they’ve got a whole truckload of kids...)
“Snookums, do you copy?” – nah, they didn't even try.
At this point, of course, it’s already too late to do anything. My complaint is that they forgot to contact the support team – again!
I can’t even come up with any excuse here, like, “Oh, but Dr. Kay found out their whole plan, so she used force and threats to make Vickie/Mr. Clark/Max/Erica play along as if everything were fine” – because that’s not what I’m seeing on screen! On screen, the party is acting as if there was no plan at all, as if they’re not heading to the military access control zone but to a picnic, and they’re all high as fuck!
They shouldn’t have been breathing in all that UD particles...
All thirty-seven and a half crawls were for nothing; they didn't learn a thing.
For the sake of the shock value in the scene of El's self-sacrifice suicide, Hopper was ruthlessly lobotomized. Man had ONE JOB, and he failed miserably!
Have the DB been asked yet how exactly Hopper planned to sneak El into Hawkins through the MAC-Z without being noticed? Or maybe they explained some of the oddities mentioned above in the documentary?
After all, it would be a shame to miss such an opportunity for a Game of Thrones reference!
“While Hop kind of forgot about the military...” Do you guys see my vision?
