A tarot reading from today. In this reading I asked the tarot about a focal point for operating in present-time (Ace of Fire - The Sculptor) and forces that seem to tear me away from this focal point (left - The High Priestess [air] - Mensa || right - The Lovers [water] - Cancer). I then asked about pathways that could help lead back to the center (left - The King of Earth - Auriga and The Five of Earth - Triangulum + Norma + Triangulum Australe) (right - The Two of Water - Antlia and The King of Water - Camelopardalis) To me, the ideal of centeredness is about being improvisational, cultivating ways to exist in and interact with the vast forms and challenges of life in a way that is kind and thoughtful and custom. The ace of fire (wands in classic tarot decks) is a card that signifies all of one's creative and connective potential. In it lies a super-abundant pool of resources but is as yet unrealized, like the visions of a sculptor regarding a block of material. I see in this card the continuous ongoing nature of art. On the outsides, The High Priestess, a card that represents the mysterious subconscious, that which is hidden or unrealized or not yet revealed, and The Lovers, a card that embodies the height of interpersonal and intrapersonal connections and the dangers of misusing mirrors. To me the card on the left points to an anxiety I often feel about creative projects that aren't finished and the weight I feel from all that I haven't revealed to people. I generally prefer transparency to secrecy, but I know there are times when staying quiet is the better option. The conflict here revolves around time: I fear that because I haven't yet had a chance to tell someone how I feel about something, that this will inevitably lead to confusion if it isn't resolved. The solution is patience and diligence. I am constantly faced with decisions (as the King of Earth must face the decisions of his/her kingdom) but if I take them one at a time and use each challenge as an opportunity (the five of earth) to continuously add to a body of work, then instead of worrying I can know that in each moment I am slowly adding to the ongoing project of becoming myself. In the card of The Lovers, I find myself reflecting on the delicate balancing act of an open and loving relationship. On one hand, forming a healthy relationship is about knowing myself and being able to communicate this idea of self to others with confidence so that they know what makes me feel comfortable or uncomfortable. On the other hand, understanding this same truth in others requires a certain fluidity of self. Getting to know people is not always a 100% comfortable experience. And going outside of that comfort zone can open my eyes to new ideas and forms of self. Often, I find myself slipping into one side or the other: either I try too hard to control/manipulate aspects of a relationship or I lose myself in trying to be someone who others would like. Again, the solution is patience and a big-picture sense of ongoing time. There is never a point at which a relationship is "fully formed." Everyone is constantly in the process of becoming. In this state, it is necessary to be both one who studies (the two of water) and one who teaches (the king of water). These roles can switch all of the time. The point is not to gain power over others, but to continuously form shapes with others. Over the whole reading, I pulled an Oracle card - #13 The Binary System. It's symbol is the symbol of infinity. This is a card that signifies coexistence. This card acts as reminder that things and environments and people and situations are constantly changing form, breaking apart and fusing back together. The same is true inside of oneself. To stay in this state is to be constantly aware and constantly moving. But most of all, it is about learning to coexist with myself.
