✫ʀʜʏᴍᴇs ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴅᴏᴏᴍ✫

❝ God, what if we just fucked one day? ❞

❝ Don’t sass me in front of the internet. ❞

❝ Follow your stupid fucking dreams. ❞

❝ Come at me scrub lord, I’m ripped. ❞

❝ I just wanna have sex with space. ❞

❝ Get in the tub with me, daddy. ❞

❝ Will you just relax and let me kill for money? ❞

❝ That sounds like your problem. Fuck you. ❞

❝ Stay in school. Don’t do drugs. Eat your teeth. ❞ 

❝ Make like a tree and fucking die. ❞

❝ Dude just…just pity laugh at least. ❞

❝ Man, Club Penguin’s gotten weird. ❞

❝ We are like the Stephen Kings of stupid. ❞

❝ Why do you enjoy watching me suffer so? ❞

❝ Do I have to jerk you off to blow your mind? ❞

❝ I haven’t had so much fun since I killed my parents. ❞

❝ Unfortunately I had sex with a guy/girl over the weekend. ❞

❝ What’s a vegetarian zombie say? GRAAAAAAAINS. ❞

❝ Revenge is a best dish served fuck you. ❞

❝ Who wears pants anymore? So 2015. ❞

❝ I need an ice cream sandwich and a gentle blowjob. ❞

❝ Don’t let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya. ❞

❝ The bananas has gone bad! ❞

❝ I cared for those bananas! I raised them with my own two feet! ❞

❝ Did you know I’m a professional joke? My life is a joke. ❞

❝ What if everyone just had constant helicopter dick? ❞

❝ [ name ], does getting me wet fill you with determination? ❞

❝ I can’t prove that someone ISN’T a reptilian. ❞

❝ Wouldn’t it be funny if, like, you lost a family member? ❞

❝ These balls are coming at me fast and furious. It’s like that movie, ‘Speed’. ❞ 

❝ Call me One Direction ‘cause my relevancy is dropping by the day. ❞ 

❝ One time I killed a person and I didn’t report it to the police. ❞

❝ I wanna take a girl to the Grand Canyon, fuck her, and throw her in. ❞ 

❝ Nothing like a gunshot wound to the face to really mellow someone out. ❞ 

❝ If I can’t be the best, I sure as hell can be the worst! ❞ 

❝ [ name ], I’m on a date with a guy/girl right now and you’re embarrassing me. ❞

❝ I’ve made a decision. I’m gonna in the kitchen, gonna open the dishwasher, and I’m gonna climb inside. ❞

❝ I do apologize for my actions, even though they were totally and completely justified. ❞

❝ I could pee on this couch, right now, no problem, while looking you directly in the eyes.❞ 

❝ Look, you tell a couple jokes as a dad and suddenly everyone’s like ‘you’re making dad jokes.’ ❞

❝ All of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are blue, except for three of them. And there are four. ❞ 

❝ And Abraham said unto Moses, ‘Bro, dude, aliens.’ ❞

❝ I’m gonna throw you out the window. We don’t even have any windows in this room…I’m gonna carve out a window and throw you through it. ❞ 

❝ DO IT YOU SACK OF SHIT! – Sorry. That didn’t come out as encouraging as I meant it to. ❞

❝ [ name ], if there’s one thing I can be totally honest about, it’s that I would happily lie to your face.❞

❝ If I took pole-dancing, I would be worried that it would be too erotic for everybody else. ❞

❝ Next time we make love, [ name ], would you please refer to me as your sweet cakey treasure? ❞   

❝ I try to show at least one other human-being my butt hole every single day. ❞

❝ The only people who don’t like sluts are the people who don’t get any. ❞ 

❝ Have you ever though of a career in driving people fucking insane? Because you are already a PRO at it. ❞ 

❝ I am actively looking for ways to get you to shut the fuck up. ❞

❝ First of all, you have to stop calling it ‘Mary Jane.’ That’s the first rule of stonerdom. People will think you’re a fucking narc. ❞

❝ First of all, no one says ‘pot-eyes’, you fuckin’ narc. ❞

❝ If by OK you mean like on the inside I’m just going ‘AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!’ then yes, I’m quite OK ❞

❝ When you walk outside there are three elements of nature that you must avoid: snow, wind, and bees. ❞ 

(NOTE.  “My muse” is the person that reblogged the memes, muse)

Makes eye contact with (my muse)  then looks away sheepishly.  

Falls on face,  notices (my muse) witnessed it,  tries to play it off like it was done on purpose. 

Picks up (my muse) and spins them around until dizzy.   

Tries to catch (my muse)  but ends up losing balance and falls with them instead.  

Tries not to cry but as soon as they see (my muse) they burst into sobs.  

Runs at (my muse) at full speed to tackle them to the ground.   

Gives a lingering kiss to (my muse’s) lips.  

Tries to cook in the kitchen but everything bursts into flames, they are in a panic.  

Takes (my muse) by the hand and drags them off to do something fun.   

Gently taps finger against  (my muse’s) nose.  

Tucks lock of hair behind (my muse’s) ear.  

Glares intensely at (my muse)  not daring to look away

Hides behind something to jump out and SCARE (my muse)

Tucks (my muse) into bed after along day. 

Clings to (my muse)  in a possessive sort of way. 

Gets caught spying on (my muse)  then starts running away. 

Aggressively attacks (my muse) out of nowhere. 

Holds (my muse) close to comfort them  

Tries to hide the increasing blush on their face caused by (My muse)

Teases (your muse) but it ends up going too far.   

Throws (my muse) up into the air as if they are as light as a feather

Awkwardly asks (my muse)  out on a date

Corners (my muse) so that they cannot escape them. 

Gives (my muse) a piggy back which ends with them both falling over. 

Hugs (my muse) and refuses to let go. 

Brushes thumb along (my muse’s)  cheekbone.  

Presses forehead against (my muse’s) forehead. 

interlocks fingers with (my muse’s)

Acts like they aren’t jealous but are actually jealous that (my muse) was spending time with someone else.  

Jumps in the way of (my muse) and potential danger. 

Yells at (my muse) for doing something dangerous.  

Ruffles (my muse’s)  hair until it’s in complete disarray

Bridal carries (my muse) away for fun.  

Gawks at (my muse) for an uncomfortable amount of time.  

(My muse) is being harassed, your muse comes to the rescue.  

Sniffs (my muse) just because.  

Follows (my muse) around like a lost puppy. 

Tries to impress (my muse)  but fails miserably

Confesses romantic feelings to (my muse) in a very beautiful and thought out way.  

Drunkenly approaches (my muse) claiming they are married. 

Frantically runs away from my muse who is in hot pursuit of them.   

Trips and falls on top of (my muse)  instantly making things really awkward between them.  

Casually sits on (my muse) because they feel like it

Licks (my muse’s) cheek because they’re a weirdo 

Stutters while trying to give (my muse) a compliment because they look really cute

Places a ‘friendship’ bracelet around ‘my muse’s’ wrist, which is actually handcuffs.  

Accidentally drops a drink over (my muse’s) head.  

Slaps (my muse) in the face repeatedly because they deserve it.  

❛ -- Oh, this is just great! You know how long it's gonna take ta wash all this dust outta my hair?! ❜