"Hey, I'm putting my shoes on!" He shouted from the front entryway. "We were supposed to be there at 8!"
"Wait, wait, wait!" She stepped out of the bathroom, her hands preoccupied by pulling her hair back into a ponytail. "I literally need five more minutes. I'm almost ready."
"Is this the same five minutes you needed half an hour ago?"
"Okay, okay, point taken! Just let me put my hair back and we can go," She ducked back into the bathroom. He heard a series of drawers hurriedly opening and closing, and 30 seconds later, she emerged fully dressed for the night out. "Ta-da!" She said, punctuating the reveal with jazz hands. "Pretty good, right?"
"You look amazing. That's the dress you got last weekend, right?" She nodded with a grin. "Alright, perfect, I'll pull the car around. You've got a pullup on, right?"
Her grin became slightly more sheepish. "Ah, yeah, about that...I thought that since I hadn't had an accident all week, I could probably just...you know...wear panties tonight."
He stopped putting his shoes on and gave her an incredibly unimpressed look. "Seriously? Come on, we agreed you always wear protection when you're going to drink, just in case."
"I knowwww....But we're already so late, and it takes, like, forever to get these boots on and off...let's just leave! It'll probably be fine."
Ah, so that's why she took so long to get ready. "Yeah, nice try. Points for creativity, too. Go change."
"Come on...We're going to be, like, half an hour late if I do..." She wheedled. He didn't budge. "Ugh. Fine!" She acquiesced, with exaggerated disappointment. "But I personally think you're being completely unreasonable."
He shrugged. "I personally think it's better not to ruin a $150 dress by peeing in it."
"I wouldn't have done that!" She denied hotly, face flushing, as she stomped off to the bedroom.
They arrived at the bar dead last, more than 15 minutes after everyone else. Given he was typically the group's "punctuality Nazi"(a title he, personally, thought was a slight overstatement), everyone thought it was hilarious. When one of his friends asked what they got held up by, all he initially said was, "Well, it's a funny story...". He let it hang long enough to make her sweat before launching into a made-up story about accidentally putting his keys away at the back of the cutlery drawer. She breathed a sigh of relief, before realizing she'd been teased and giving him a subtle kick under the table.
Both of them made their way to the bar, bought drinks, and split off to mingle individually. He posted up with his buddies at the end of the bar, while her friends had ended up clustering near the pool table. He glanced over at her from time to time, just to keep an eye out, and couldn't help but notice empty glasses piling up near her end of the table at an impressive speed. During a break in the conversation, he walked up behind her and got her attention with a hand on her shoulder.
"What's up?" She asked, turning her head around.
"Nothing urgent. I just wanted to check if you maybe needed to go to the bathroom?" He pointed out the cluster of empty glasses.
"Oh my gosh!" She gasped, clearly more than a little drunk already. "I didn't even realize! I almost got a frowny-face on my potty chart!" She mocked.
"I'll take that as a no?" He guessed.
She gave him a look. "Listen, I know I'm wearing...you know.." She lowered her voice. "...that..." She looked around the table to make sure nobody was listening in before returning to full volume. "But I'm an adult woman. I can deal with taking myself to the bathroom, okay? Just relax and have fun. You don't need to mother me constantly."
He shrugged. "Sure, whatever you say. Just figured we should be careful." He turned and went back to his seat at the bar, but couldn't help but notice a minute later when she hurriedly excused herself from the table, and tottered off to the bathroom as quickly as she could while pressing one hand down onto her crotch. She noticed him watching her, and he gave an encouraging thumbs-up, which she returned with a middle finger. Classy.
When she came out of the bathroom, she took a detour over to his spot by the bar. He greeted her with a self-satisfied shit-eating grin. "Make it to the potty okay?" He asked.
"Bite me." She responded. "Just wanted to let you know that I am still completely dry. Proving, once again, that you are always wrong and I am always right about everything."
"Completely? I don't know, seemed like a close call to me..." He instinctively reached forward to check her, but she batted his hand away. "Don't!" She hissed quickly. "Uh...you can't just grab my crotch in the middle of a bar. People are going to think we're perverts!" She hastily added.
He turned and looked around the crowded bar. Not a single soul was paying them even a shred of attention. "Okay, well, anyways," She said, "Good talk. Come find me when you want to leave. Okay, bye! Love you!" She turned and walked away.
He was finishing up a round with a friend around 2 AM when she came over and shook his shoulder. He turned around to see her gingerly massaging her forehead, staring at him with a sad-puppy look. "Everything okay?" He asked as he stood up, already knowing the answer.
"Uuuugghhh!!!" She groaned as she collapsed into him, resting her head on his shoulder. "I had way too much to drink."
He bemusedly wrapped an arm around her shoulders, the other giving her a comforting pat on the head. "That bad, huh?"
"Yes! I have such a headache...and my feet are killing me! Why did you let me come out in these boots?"
"Oh, yeah, what was I thinking? That one's completely on me."
She inaudibly grumbled something and squeezed onto him tighter. "Oh, you poor thing," He doted. "Should we get you home and into bed? Maybe I can read to you a little bit before we turn in?"
"Yes, please. I'd like that a lot," She nodded. "Um.....can you carry me back to the car? My feet are seriously in agony."
"Seriously? Can't you just take your boots off?"
"But I'm soooooo tired!" She complained. "Sooooooooooooooooo-"
"Okay, message received. I'll carry you." He cut her off.
"You're very welcome. And look on the bright side. You didn't have an accident, right?"
She went quiet. "...uh..."
"I'm sorry." She sniffed slightly. "It was only a small one earlier. But then I was laughing at a joke, and...you know..."
"It's okay. It's what they're for."
"Me? No, of course not. I know you have a little trouble sometimes."
"Do not!" She protested instinctlively.
He continued, ignoring her "...And now I have something to gloat about for at least the next month." She groaned again.