" there is no other way, sayu. do you not think i've tried? " where she is trembling, unsteady ― he is determined & strong. both of the siblings are tired, so tired, & so kira is steady for both of them.
for a moment, he is quiet. & then, a sigh.
unceremoniously, he pushes himself up off of the floor with his hand, a couple steps taken towards his desk. " i'll tell you everything, since you surely won't get it from anyone else. " (IF IT WILL HELP YOU BELIEVE ME, HELP YOU UNDERSTAND.) a pen is grasped between the tips of his pointer & middle fingers, ― " &, besides, no one could give you the tale as in-depth as i. " ― & his body language is far too lax as he twists it apart, taking piece by piece & sitting it to his desk, dismantling it like an emotionless machine, like God watching his world under a microscope.
" you can see ryuk, so this should be rather simple to understand. " head jerks slightly over his shoulder, a gesture towards the monstrous companion in his room. as he says this, things begin to make sense to him. their childhood, nightmares that ― when described by his younger sister ― always felt so oddly real. monsters that watch humans for entertainment, that have the ability to steal their lives with as simple as a glance & a choice to write.
it's unfortunate, how wrong she is that her brother would never become a monster like that. with how he reaches towards the drawer of his desk & disarms the elaborate trap set by a paranoid mind to prevent the discovery of his secret. the diary kept, full of genuine memories, is tossed to the side as an afterthought, & the black bound note is slipped out from the compartment it laid within.
even holding it, a smile tugs at the corners of his lips. a sensation of power, of divinity, that no one else could handle the way he does. & it's a smile that remains even as he makes his way back over to his sister, & returns to his kneeled position on the ground.
" with this, " he holds it out, though his grip on one end is a grip like iron, that refuses to have it pried away from him. " i can kill anyone so long as i have their name & face. " one hand moves, the tips of fingers ghost over the cover, before slowly flipping it open. on the first page, a crossed out scribble, & lower down, a name written with such poor penmanship, it was clearly written in fear. it is a name she knows. it is her very own prayer.
but, kira skips over it. & goes page to page. each one after the first full of perfect lines of dozens, hundreds of names. " ryuk dropped it, i picked it up ... &, you can figure out the rest, right? "
a shinigami drops his tool, a human picks it up, & that human is no longer just a human ― but God himself. kira's words mimic light attempting to persuade sayu to answer questions on her own, a joking refusal to answer all of her homework for her. you can figure it out, this is a problem you can solve with everything i have taught you.
" at first ... the guilt was crushing, truthfully. " now, however, the feeling of his own heart in his throat feels like a lost memory. " but the world has to be fixed. if i gave up this notebook, someone else would have gotten it, & one can only wonder what would have happened. "
a glimmer in his eyes, kira tilts his head ever so slightly. " if i let go of this, & grew up to become a lawyer like i've always wanted ... if this notebook was out there, & i made a wrong decision in my judgements, i could have been the one who died, if i was unlucky enough to wrong whoever had their hands on this. " it is manipulative, he knows. but sayu must understand.
as a display of trust, he loosens his grip on the notebook, lowering it to the ground & setting it between them. " i told myself that i would be fine being the evil that exists in the world, as long as innocent people are happy. people like you, sayu ... who ask for my judgement, whether they realize it or not. "