moths space

my grandmother died recently and there was a sad ceremony at the local church, I cried a lot, but something stuck up to me about catholicism specifically, now, I'm not at all religious but I do believe that, if there is a god, he is the most forgiving and loving being we could ever have the luck of knowing, and I entirely disagree with the whole mercy and forgiving of sins thing because he would simply receive us with a warm hug.

I've recently read that they say the one who is in love is the winner, but i don't feel like I'm winning AT ALL. in fact I think I am losing so much time it could be spent with her, I'm missing unshared kisses, touches not completed and I irremediably feel like a loser, and maybe I am. Maybe the enormous love I have for her it's destroying my brain from the inside out, it's making me miserable with no chance to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

so I've been thinking about a conversation that bothered me at work, and really bothered me because this happened like 2 weeks ago, but anyways, we were discussing how 'weird' people are getting more common in public spaces and how we should react to them, I personally don't mind weird, in fact I love weird and freaky people even if it makes me uncomfortable, because I understand those are MY feelings instead of how I should act, wich I know can be separated. But there i was having an oddly complicated discussion with my coworkers and one of them, an older woman started saying that this 'boom' of weird people started out only recently, and it bothers her that she has to normalize certain aspects of other humans because we share the same common spaces.

I've recently finished reading 'Atmosphere' by Taylor Jenkins Reid, the third book I've read of hers and when I tell you I loved it falls short you have to believe me.