.::Oppai Sensei::. .::Monster Queen::.

I’ve worked way too long on this, but it’s finished! The Modern Male Witch: Home Office!

It’s always 11:59 in the home office of the tech witch. That magical moment just before midnight when anything can happen. There’s a soft buzzing sound in the air and an occasional flickering of lights. The protective sigils on the walls help the many different energy flows to get accustomed to each other. There’s a weird kind of silent peace in the chaos.

This is the fourth piece in my Modern Male Witch Project.

DOES ANYONE REMEMBER WHEN DISNEY MADE ALL THESE TV SHOWS BASED OFF THEIR MOVIES

AND THEY HAD LIKE RIDICULOUS CROSSOVERS

YES, THAT IS HERCULES WITH ALADDIN

AND THEY HAD THESE NEW VILLAINS

(Lady La from Legend of Tarzan)

(NOS-4-A4 from Buzz Lightyear of Star Command)

(Mozenrath from Aladdin)

AND THEY HAD LIKE DARK VERSIONS OF THE MAIN CHARACTERS AND IT WAS RLY TRIPPY. THAT’S LIKE DARK JANE THERE FROM LEGEND OF TARZAN

AND THIS ONE’S CHAOS ALADDIN

AND HERE’S EVIL BUZZ LIGHTYEAR

AND THESE WERE ACTUAL EPISODE TITLES THAT WERE RIDICULOUS PUNS

SORRY FOR THAT LONG POST BUT JUST

WATER:

Leaving water out for animals is a Good and Safe thing to do for them, just make sure to change it daily to prevent the spread of diseases or avoid starting a backyard mosquito hatchery.  

It’s better to have a wide, shallow container for them to drink out of, than a narrow deep one, because small animals like rabbits and toads need water too. I recommend foil pie plates for ease of access/easy cleanup.

If you set up a kiddie pool of water for larger animals, make sure to leave a 2x4 or something in there as an “escape ramp” for birds and small animals that could become trapped and drown.

also recommend tossing a cinder block in there so nobody accidentally kicks it over.

SHELTER:

Mostly what displaced animals need is rest.  If animals are sleeping in your yard, leave them alone.  Unless they are obviously injured, sick or have been in the exact same spot for more than 24 hours, they just need rest.

one of the animals displaced is BATS.  Do not touch any bats you find, esp ones on the ground.  If it’s hanging out on your house, it’s almost certainly healthy and just needs to nap.  Bats will hang out longer than some animals- only call animal control if it’s not moved at all in 72 hours.

Another thing that gets displaced in fires: “creepy” animals like snakes, spiders and toads.  These guys are SUPER important for re-building the ecosystem after the fire and deserve help too.  Leave out pots turned sideways, leave any fallen leaves on the ground, and tell yourself that practically nobody has died from a snake or spiderbite in the modern era, esp if you don’t go touching them in the first place.

leave the patio umbrella open or hang a tarp up for some shade.  they’ll be grateful.

You can also put off yard work to give animals additional temporary cover/safe foods.

you shouldn’t be out in this smoke anyway.  Let the lawn go for a few weeks.

SAFTEY

KEEP ALL ANIMALS INDOORS, AND MAKE SURE TO LOCK ALL DOORS AND WINDOWS ON THE FIRST FLOOR OR UPPER FLOORS THAT CAN BE REACHED BY TREES OR OTHER STRUCTURES.

it might also be worth putting some weather stripping on external doors if you’re not a fan of spiders or small reptiles.

if you’re a coyote that’s been running from fires for the last month, chihuahuas and house cats look TASTY.  Keep fluffy indoors for his own safety.

Dogs should be supervised outdoors because they WILL take their chances on exhausted wildlife and you don’t need that vet bill or drama in your life.

make sure all your pet’s vaccinations are current, esp rabies, just in case.

SAFETY PART 2: FOOD:

DO. NOT. LEAVE. OUT. FOOD.  

I know they’re sad and hungry and there’s all kinds of vines of people feeding things like deer especially, but feeding wildlife gets them acclimated to humans and that in turn makes it dangerous for humans- deer kick when they’re hungry and are more than capable of killing someone, skunks and raccoons frequently carry rabies and don’t get me started on bears- BUT IT ALSO MAKES IT DANGEROUS FOR THE ANIMALS. deer that become human-acclimated are much more likely to be hit by cars or killed by dogs, human foods are frequently toxic to other animals and any bear that gets too chummy with humans will be shot.

don’t do it.

this time of year (september) in N. America is also when a lot of wildlife gets hyperphagic and aggressive before winter and the fires WILL make things worse.  

Bears in particular are willing to eat anything.  So lock up any entrances and exits to the house (yes, even on the upper floors), put the garbage cans in the garage and take in the grill.

take down the birdfeeder.  The birds can find plenty of food in other places and you don’t want a bear pushing in a window over a couple of peanuts.

*an exception: if you’ve got late-season vegetables in your garden, just let them have it.  Like leaving water out, foraging on their own won’t do much to acclimate them.  You have too much zuchini anyway and watching raccoons try to eat them is hilarious.