v .

i feel like it's finally my turn to say something. i've kept this to myself for so long but seeing people still love rose, and now that she's finally gone i can't stay quiet anymore.

i was 15. the whole time i was so confused. she would constantly talk sexual with me, telling me about her fantasies and making comments i didn't even understand yet. she asked me to call with her, and on those calls she'd always bring up sexual stuff. i didn't know what to say. i just remember feeling weird, uncomfortable like i had to just sit there and go along with it even though i didn't want to.

eventually i blocked her. she blocked me back, and then i deactivated. since then tumblr hasn't felt safe for me. every time i see her name or people saying how much they love her it brings all of it back.

i think this is the last time i'll ever be on here. i don't even know why i'm writing this except that i just want to finally be heard. i've carried this for so long in silence and maybe it doesn't even matter anymore but it matters to me.

the worst part is i barely have any screenshots because i deactivated my account back then. that makes me scared no one will believe me. it scares me that most of this only exists in my memory and maybe only i will ever know what truly happened.

sometimes i feel like maybe i'm being dramatic. like maybe i overreacted or made it bigger than it was. but then i remember how sick it made me feel, how confused i was how i didn't even know what to say when she would start talking sexual with me. i was 15. that shoulve been enough for her to know it was wrong

i don't know. maybe i'll regret posting this maybe people won't believe me, but at least i finally said it out loud.

please i beg, interact with this any way i really want to feel heard it feels like im being dramatic but then I remember how much it still bothers me.

＃┆smile for the camera 〟 fuckboy matt sturniolo

the party was loud, humid with bodies pressed too close, but matt didn’t care about any of it. not when he had you — the campus darling, all pink gloss and teasing smiles — dragging him toward the back hallway where someone had set up a vintage photo booth for kicks.

you tugged the curtain closed with a giggle, sinking into the tiny bench beside him, your bare thigh brushing his. “smile,” you whispered, reaching up to press the first photo button, but matt wasn’t interested in smiling.

he leaned in, lips brushing her jaw, one hand sliding boldly up your thigh. “bet this little skirt’s just for show, huh?” he murmured against your skin, fingers already creeping higher beneath the fabric. you gasped softly, biting down on the noise when his fingers found the edge of your panties and didn’t stop.

the camera flashed; a still of you wide eyed and flushed, his mouth right at your ear.

“you want me to stop?” he asked, voice low, almost sweet, but his fingers were already hooked under the waistband of your panties, knuckles grazing the heat beneath them.

you didn’t answer, just shifted in silent approval, spreading your legs a little wider.

another flash.

his free hand was gripping your jaw now, tilting your face toward his as he smirked. “you’re s’wet already. thought everyone said you were a patient girl.”

you practically panted against his mouth, hips lifting off the seat as his fingers started to move. they were slow at first, teasing. then deeper, rougher. your mascara was smudging by the time the third flash went off.

“keep looking pretty for the camera,” he whispered, thumb circling in tight, cruel little motions that made you writhe in his lap. “let ‘em see how the campus princess falls apart.”

and you did. right there in the cramped, stuffy booth, with your skirt hiked up and matt’s name slipping from your lips like a dirty secret.

rules: take the last 5 songs you've listened to and make a poll where people vote which song is most your vibe

rules: take the last 5 songs you've listened to and make a poll where people vote which song is most your vibe

chapter 0.01: feels like we’re meeting for the first time | series masterlist

summary: in which you receive some not so good news about your roommate situation upon preparing for your last year of university. however your mom thinks there’s a silver lining hidden beneath it when you see who you’re living with for the year.

pairings: ex boyfriend!chris sturniolo x ex girlfriend!reader [ eventually ] and oc boyfriend x female!reader

warnings: swearing, angst. that’s about it.

word count: 2.8k

dedications: thank you to @strnilolover, @endereies, @bernardsbendystraws, and @luvs4matt for proofing this.

dividers: @strnilolover as always.

finishing your university degree in journalism has been your dream since you were sixteen and you just successfully published a thorough review blog of every movie that released that year.

completing your degree was the first time that you truly believed you were capable of doing something right. of potentially making a name for yourself. you felt like you had actually succeeded in life. realizing this was like feeling something close to utter bliss for the first time.

you’ve always felt a very strong passion for studying movies and writing about them, including your opinions and thoughts while also remaining unbiased, allowing your followers and readers to form their own thoughts. during your senior year, you had been received early acceptance into your first choice school and you couldn’t be happier.

when you first walked into the university, you were at a loss for words. you had finally started the path you had always dreamed of taking, but you were alone, and it scared you. your mom had been so willing to walk you to your first class, and you about two seconds from letting her. but you knew this was a step you had to take on your own. for the first time in eighteen years, you were truly doing things by yourself.

your mom had been by your side from the moment she had you at seventeen and your dad walked out of the delivery room. she would’ve moved into your dorm if you had let her, and if it wasn’t technically a crime, both literally and socially.

and as you maneuvered your way through the seemingly endless and winding halls of university, you bumped into someone. as you were about to start spewing nervously apologetic ramblings, you looked up to see who you had collided with, only to meet the prettiest eyes you had ever seen. he was quick to take the blame, saying he was too focused on trying to remember where he was supposed to go while your words died in your throat.

he asked you where you meant to go, teasing you about how looked like a lost puppy, and after showing him your schedule, he walked you to the room you had passed by twice already, he smiled and told you his name before realizing how late he was, before turning around and walking away without getting your name.

there was something about him that drew you in, despite him looking like a walking advertisement for the school’s fraternity. however after a few more run-ins, he finally asked for your name and number, and promised to make good use of it.

you and chris had gotten together shortly before spring break after spending months of tiptoeing the line of friends and something more. while getting to know each other, you found out you were both from boston, only about an hour drive from one another, and you were pleasantly surprised to find out that he was actually quite a kind and gentle person, nothing like his frat brothers for the most part. sure there were times that he was a bit of an asshole during the talking stage of your relationship, but after a serious conversation, you had learned that he wasn’t good with letting people in at first. you learned how deeply it scared him.

out of everyone in your family that met chris, your mom was the most skeptical of him at first. partly due to her annoyingly unwavering habit of judging people based off their appearance and the way they present themselves, and partly because she wasn’t ready to let go of you completely. but with the way chris looked like the poster child for every stereotype you could think of when looking at a frat boy, your mom was scared you were going to get hurt. but within a week of meeting him, she trusted him to take care of you, her baby, her pride and joy, and she knew how deeply he loved you. and so, she gave him her blessing.

and over time, you were able to help chris unlearn every negative or toxic belief he had about relationships. when he was with you, he learned that love didn’t need to be a game, and you learned that love was so much more than an obligation. you taught each other something so precious and gentle, something that many couples took years to find and learn. you were stable and healthy and utterly in love with one another. that’s why it shocked everyone around when the two of you broke up after four years together.

there was no big dramatic moment where it all came crumbling down, no fight that was blown out of proportion. it was a soft conversation hidden in the back of a cafe on a sunny mid-winter day, the two of you had gotten so busy, his hockey practices and games had started to really pick up, and he so was focused on being scouted, and your journalism course had landed you an internship with a media company and you were out running interviews and exposes day and night. the two of you felt like you didn’t have time for one another anymore, and it crushed both of you, but you decided that taking a break, breaking up, splitting, however you wanna spin it, was for the best.

when you returned home at the end of the year, you were ninety percent sure your mom was more heartbroken over the break up than you were. of course you were devastated, but you knew it had to happen for the time being. you loved chris with everything in you, and you were quite certain that you always would, but the two of you were growing in separate directions, which meant you had to love him from afar.

as you get ready to leave for your last year of university, you’re now twenty four, you just completed your bachelor’s degree in media journalism, and now you were finishing your last year of your film and media degree. as you start packing up for the last time, it hits you that you’re going on your sixth year of schooling, and it’s an exciting realization that’s been tainted by something melancholic and nostalgically heartbreaking. you’ve spent so much your time away at school, it’s become your second home.