chapter fourteen || j.jk x reader
this is sooo long i’m so sorry. i just got carried away. but it’s sooo sad like i started to tear up lowkey.
You’re here again. You were supposed to be here a month ago but you forgot after hanging with the boys. You haven’t been talking to Jungkook at all because you blocked him after telling him you wanted to break up after the boys convinced you while you were drunk. You haven’t told anyone because you weren’t sure if you were going to unblock him and get back with him , but you didn’t. You think this is it. After you get your stuff, you try to explain to him why and leave. That’s supposed to be the plan. You won’t come back, you hoped, and you’ll continue to grow alone.
You sigh before knocking on the door to let him know of your arrival, then looking through your purse to find the key.
He’s in his room getting high and drinking a bottle of whiskey as he is staring at the ceiling, not knowing why he’s doing so. He hears the knocking and immediately start yelling for you. “You came back! You finally came back! I knew you'd come to your senses!” He goes to open the door, smelling the alcohol through my breath as he pulls you inside, walking behind you to hug you as he kisses your neck.
You push him off of you, scoffing before turn walking to the room. “I’m not back for you, I’m back for my stuff.”
He lets out a loud laugh as he runs to kiss your neck again “That's funny... I guess you still don't get it.” He pulls you close to him again and this time kisses you even harder and bite your neck a little bit. “Why don't we have some fun before you go? He puts a hand on your chin, lifting your head up to meet his eyes.Tell me you don't want me. I dare you.”
“I don’t want you.” you say, again pushing him off of you as you open the room door. The smell of alcohol and a smell you didn’t recognize instantly hits you and causes you to flinch. You try your best to ignore the smell as you grab a bag from your closet and began throwing your stuff in it.
He whines and starts kissing you harder, pushing you against the wall and biting your neck. “Just shut up and kiss me, baby. You know you want me more than anything right now.” He tries to open your arms, but he’s too drunk to do that. “This is good for you, don't fight it.” He stares at your eyes and smiles before turning you around, caressing your face.
“You’re fucking drunk. You stink. Can you stop?” you say, pushing him off of you once again before you move to start packing again.
He grabs your arm and prevents you from moving. “Don't try to move away from me. I want to tell you something, and you need to hear me out.” He takes a step closer, wrapping his free arm around your waist and looks you in the eyes. “You know everything I said before you left here? It was a lie.” He looks at you, completely sincere. “You mean everything to me. I can't live without you. Your eyes... Your touch... You're everything to me.” he says, trying to kiss your neck again.
You think of anything and everything to get him away, then you got it. It was completely a lie, but he’s drunk. Would he be able to even tell right now? Hell does he even know who he is right now?
You sigh, dodging the kiss. “I said can you stop? My boyfriend wouldn’t like this.”
He backs up, laughing out loud before looking at you with a sarcastic tone. “Boyfriend? So you did have another boyfriend? Is it the guy I said you are living with?” he says, looking at you with a confused look. “You'll never be happy with him, he's not me.” He then hold on tightly to your arm, kissing your neck again and hugging you, not letting you go.
“He’s better than you though. I’m very happy with him. He treats me way better than you even will.” you smile at him, not even having to push him away as he’s backing off himself to look you in the eye. You take the chance to finish up packing.
He stares at you with a sad look while grabbing his whiskey bottle, taking a big sip before talking to you. “What about the way I treated you? Don't you remember all those good times? I know you miss the way I caressed your hair, and all those kisses that made your heart flutter. You'll always love me, and you know it. You can deny it all you want, but you and I both know that you'll always love me and miss everything I gave you.” he says, letting out a chuckle. His tone became more aggressive which meant you were currently winning. You finish your packing, grabbing the bags you used and you began tying them up.
“I don’t remember any good times with you. I really don’t. I hope you get yourself together. You look pathetic.” you say before tying the last bag and dragging all of them with you on your way out of the room.
He grabs one of the bags and runs in front of you , not letting you move. He looks at you with a disappointed look, hiding that he’s very very angry inside. “Don't treat me like a fool. You know you're just saying that to make me jealous. I'm tired of all these games. You can't just show up and expect me to believe you. You'll always remember the way I touched and kissed you... I think you're just mad right now, in a few months you'll come back to me. Don't worry, I'll be waiting for you.”
You yank the bag from his grip and look at him. “I won’t come back, why don’t you understand that? What is wrong with you?”
“I'm not letting you go unless you kiss me.” he says smiling, trying to give you a glimpse of the real him. “Please, all I need is a little kiss.” He starts looking at your lips while holding your arms tightly, so you can't move anymore. “All I need is a kiss, and I'll let you go and you won't hear from me again.” He starts getting closer to your lips, as he wants that kiss no matter what.
You stare at him, dodging his kiss. “Can you back away?” you say, ripping your arms from him and moving quickly to the front door, opening it before throwing all of the bags outside.
“No.” He smiles at you and start coming closer again. “All I'm asking for is a quick kiss.” He smiles again, and stare at you a few more seconds. “What about some of that famous love of yours? I thought you loved kissing me...” He gives you his most honest smile and comes even closer, his face is only a few inches away from being next to yours.
You scrunch your face in disgust. “You’re gross.” you say before going outside to your car, opening the trunk and placing your bags inside before closing it again.
He steps outside of the house and reaches for you, grabbing your wrist and making you look at him again. He comes closer to your face, smiling and staring at you with a devilish look. “You love kissing me...” He kisses you before whispering in your ear, “I'm gross? At least I didn't throw you away.” He lets go of you, letting you go if that's what you truly want.
You sigh. You just him kiss you. Is he winning now? You just want this to be over with but you know this is far from being over with.
“Don't you know it's not good to go around breaking men's hearts? I loved you, and I still do. I did everything I could for you, and now I'm a mess. I can't eat, sleep, or think straight. I gave you everything I had to give.” He puts his hand on his head and looks at you with a sad expression, as if he was going crazy. “All I want is another chance... a chance to love you again.”
Your eyes go wide from anger, your eyebrows scrunching and you pinch the bridge of your nose. “You been ruined that, from when you called me a whore? Like that was too fucking far? Why aren’t you understanding all the shit you’ve put me through.”
“I understand I ruined everything, but you can't just leave me alone.” He looks at you with a sad expression, holding back all of his anger. “Please... Don't leave me like this. I'll change for you, do anything, just don't leave me. Tell me what I have to do.” He’s still holding on to your wrist so you can't get away.
You sigh before pushing him back towards the house. He grabs your wrist again, making you look at him once again. “Don't you understand? I love you so much.” He takes his phone out of his pocket and unlock the screen. “I've been calling you every night, and your number is the only one on my contacts.” He flashes the screen quickly, and it was true. You were the only saved contact. There were still unsaved numbers there.
He gives you his most sincere eyes. “No matter what happens, I need you... No matter what. Tell me what to do to gain your love again.” He looks at you, still holding onto your wrist.*
When you look at him again to speak, you notice the red marks on his neck. You then look down to his arm that’s hanging free and notice all of the scratch marks. You think back to the smell in the room. Alcohol and maybe.. sex? Was that what he’s been doing while you’re not here?
You look at him again, searching his eyes. “Have you been having sex while I was not here?”
He lets go of your wrist and stare at you with a disappointed look. “What? Of course I have. It's the only way a man can get some pleasure in his sad life without you.” He stares at you for a few seconds before hugging you. This time he gives you a passionate kiss on your lips. “Just know that if you really don’t mean it, I'll stop with all the other girls.“
So you weren’t the only one. He was the only one you’ve been sleeping with and it clearly wasn’t the same with him. You started to question if it was because you were bad at it. Does he think everyone is better than you? You sighed before asking him if he enjoyed it.
“You know I did. He smirks to himself. “I mean, it's not like I'm in love with any of them. That's why I called you every night for a month. It just... wasn't the same.” He lets go of you and leans on the wall. “Was that the answer you wanted to hear?” He stares at you again, waiting for your reaction.
He sure did know how to read your mind. That was exactly what you wanted to hear. You wanted to smile but you didn’t. But you still had another question.
“Okay, but do you still want to have sex with me? I mean like do you still actually want me in that way?” you say. You are giving him hope at this point but you just have to know you aren’t bad at sex. Your ego would be crushed.
He smile and nods. “What do you think? Of course I would. I'm still in love with you. You can tell I'm trying my hardest to get you back.” He takes your hand and holds it, smiling at you. “So, come on. Just give me a chance.” He looks at you, trying really hard to seem convincing.
You let out a sigh of relief. Okay, it’s official. You aren’t bad, he’s just a bad person.
He looks at you and stare into your eyes without blinking. “Don't give up on me. I'll do anything to get that second chance. Let me prove myself to you.” He takes a step closer to you and caresses your face with his free hand. “Please…”
You shake your head. “You know. Right now I almost gave into you, but I know I’m better than this.
He looks down at you and smiles again. “Come on. I know you still love me. You miss the way I caressed you, the way I would kiss and hug you...” He comes even closer, to the point where your faces are just a few inches away from each other. “Give in to your desires. I know you still want me.” He lets go of your wrist and caresses your face again, while still looking at you with the devilish look that made you fall in love with him.
You close your eyes and remove his hand from your face. “I’m leaving now. Please clean yourself up. It fucking stinks in there.”
He grabs your arm, making you look at him again. No, please! I don't want you to leave. We're not done talking yet. What about all your love towards me? All the times you said you loved me? You can't just turn your back on me now.” He looks at you again with a sad expression, still trying to be convincing. “Please...”
“That love is gone. I kept giving you chance after chance because I loved you but it’s over now. I have a new boyfriend. He’s everything i asked for.” Lies. “So please, leave me alone. I only came back to grab my things.”
He looks at you with a disgusted look. “So, you've already found a new boyfriend? After only a month of leaving me? I see... But that doesn't matter. If he was truly everything you asked for, you'd be with him and not here. At the end of the day, he's not me. He's never going to give you what I gave you, and I'm the one who truly loves you. So, don't make a mistake. If you leave, you'll never fully regret it.” He looks at you, waiting for your response.
“I’m not making a mistake. And the only reason I’m here is because of him.” You meant them, but you’ll never tell him that. “He persuaded me to face you and get my things. He loves me better than you ever would. I made the best choice for myself. You should be happy too.”
“I'm not happy. How can anyone be happy with you gone? Don't you see I'm suffering? I've been drinking every night, crying myself to sleep. But you wouldn't understand... You already found someone else and forgot all about me. It's easy to replace me, that's what you think.” He gets really close to your face again and caresses your hair before smiling, trying to make you fall in love with him once again. “I miss you so much...”
You sigh and run a hand through your hair. “See, you’re trying to guilt trip me again. Why are you doing this to yourself? You told me I was useless and everything else. You told me I would be the one crying myself to sleep but it’s you. I hold so much power over you it’s ridiculous. Get yourself together. Seriously.”
“But... I know I was mean to you. And I regret it.” He looks at you, waiting for a change in your expression; some kind of reaction. “It wasn't all bad, was it? You loved me at one point. Don't forget how good it used to be when we were together. I miss that.” He caresses your hair and neck again, as he knows physical touch is your weakness.
You slap his hand away from you. “Can you stop touching me? And yes, I did love you at a point but you ruined it. You degraded me every night for nothing. Just to make you feel better about yourself. It doesn’t make sense. Now that I actually left I’m just supposed to run back to you cause of your words? You don’t have that power over me anymore.” you say, raising your voice every couple of words.
He gets a little mad at that. “Please... You know I didn't mean that. I was just upset because you always made me feel unwanted. You were always going to parties, coming back late at night, and you never gave me a proper explanation. Was it asking for a lot to know where you were? I don't think so. I was jealous, okay? Just forgive me, please.” he begs with every word while still caressing your hair and neck. “Don't you miss me... a little..?”
You scoff. “I don’t miss you at all.” Another lie. “And you’re so full of shit. I went to those parties and stayed out late trying to enjoy being happy because i knew when I go home, I would have to fight with you over nothing.”
His face gets a little more serious as it looks like he’s almost fully sober now. “If you really didn't miss me, why did you come back?” *I keep caressing you, hoping to remind you of how much you love his touch. “I know you still love me, I know how much you miss me.” He smiles and holds you tight. “I can make you happier than he ever could.”
“I came back to get my stuff, not for you. I’m happier with him, can you stop?”
He looks really disappointed. “So, you chose him over me. All these years together, but he was the one that made you choose. I see... “ He grabs you by the wrists, forcing you to look at him. “He doesn't care about you like I care about you. He's only with you because of your body. Do you think he loves you?” He laughs before leaning in and whispering, “He only thinks about what you look like on the outside, he doesn't care about the inside.”
You laugh, yanking your hands from him. “I’m fucking leaving.” You say walking to your car.
He runs outside and grab you, forcing you to look at him. “No, you're not.” He stares at you with a crazy expression, and push you against the car. He whisper again. “We're not done talking.” He gives you a kiss on your neck, and then start caressing your hair again as your eyes fill with pain. “I can't let you go.” He starts kissing your neck again.
You push him back with force before immediately unlocking the car door, getting in and locking the door. You are getting deja vu from the first time you left.
He bangs on the passenger door, making you look at him again. “Don't do this to me. Don't you see that I'm begging for forgiveness? Aren't you a little bit curious of what I want to say?” He keeps banging the door, trying to make himself heard. He screams for you to roll the window down, and as it goes down, his voice becomes more desperate. “I'm sorry, okay? For everything.” He says, looking at you with sad eyes and a desperate expression.
You ignore him as you start to cry, resting your forehead on the steering wheel. He’s really draining you. He’s making you feel guilty knowing that any day he can kill himself, and it will be all your fault.
He bang on the window with his fist trying to gain back your attention as tears go down his cheeks. “Look at me. Listen to me, please! I'm so sorry... I'll never make any other choice that's not you. You're my only choice.”He bangs on the window again, trying to make you understand. “Don't do this to me. Please...”
You shake your head, ignoring him again as you
place the key in the ignition.
He grabs your arm, forcing you to look at him. “No, you are NOT leaving me like this. We're not done talking.”He keeps looking at you, waiting for you to listen or give in. Any reaction, anything to know you want to stay with him, and he knows you do. You're just angry.
You rest the back of your head on the seat as you try to calm down your tears. Why aren’t you pressing the gas yet?
“Please, you can't leave now. You still love me. You're just angry, but you don't mean it.” He puts his hands on your cheeks, making you look at him. “We had so much in common a month ago. What happened to us?” He keep his hands on your cheeks and stares at you with those devilish eyes.
You slap his hand away, gaining back your senses. He almost got you again. You roll the window back up, occasionally stopping him from putting his finger between the window.
He bangs on the window again, as tears fill his eyes. “No, no! You can't, please. Why are you doing this to me? Please! You still love me. We had something, right? We were meant to be! Why are you doing this to me?” He runs to the passenger side and starts banging on the passenger door again, hoping you'd get out of the car.
You ignore him again, switching the car from park to drive. You stare at the steering wheel, are you really doing this?
No! He jumps towards your car, trying to stop you from leaving. If he can't convince you by being nice, he wants to show you the other side of him. “Don't you miss our cuddles? Our nights of watching Netflix together? Our trips, our fights, our kisses? We had something... Please. You know I changed my ways, why do you leave me like this?” He keeps banging on the passenger door so you could hear him.
You just stare at him, shaking your head and focusing back to the steering wheel. You put your hands on the wheel, preparing yourself.
He leans closer to the passenger door and start whispering again. “Think about the way we used to kiss. You remember that. The way your body felt when I touched you. How happy you were in my arms.” He keeps holding on to the door, not letting you leave with all his strength.
You sigh and roll the window down. He immediately jumps up and stares at you. “This isn’t helping your case at all, but since I don’t think I’ll be back, I wanted to tell you something.” you say, closing your eyes as you rub them dry.
“What do you want to tell me?” he says, looking at you trying to control his anger.
You sigh. “I love you. I always will. But we cannot be together. It’s bad for both of us. You are my first love but I can’t be with you. It hurts and sucks I know, but I’m telling you. It’s good for me as well. It will keep me alive being happy. You should be happy for me too. I want you to find someone else and be happy, okay? Just please, stop.”
He stops banging the door and takes a step back. His eyes become watery as he realizes he won't be able to convince you to return to him. “I don't want to start over with anybody else... I want you...” He sighs. “I guess this means we won't be speaking anymore, correct?”
You nod. “We won’t. But i’ll text you to check on you I guess? I don’t know, I just know I can’t be with you. You are mentally and physically draining me and I can’t take it anymore. I love you. I do but it won’t work out anymore.”
He tries to stop crying as you finish speaking, as he now knows he won't change your mind. He gives up and sighs. “Please, if you love me, give me one last kiss. Don't make me end our relationship with anger and hate. Please...”
“I don’t think I can kiss you right now. I really can’t. But I don’t know.”
“Please... Just one last time.” He runs to your side of the car and lowers his forehead to touch yours. You notice the tears going down his cheeks. “Let's end this relationship with good memories and love.”
You finally agree, nodding your head before removing your forehead from his. “Fine, but after this, it’s over.” you say, unlocking the door and getting out.
He smiles before he kiss you, not letting go as he hugs you. “Thank you...” Just as you said, a tear goes down his cheeks before he takes a step back from you, caressing your face. “Thank you.” He kisses your left cheek and then the right one. “Please, leave with good memories of me, and I want you to remember me as someone who truly loves you and can give you what you've always wanted.” He takes a small step back, trying to look at you with a more relaxed expression.
You wipe away his tears than yours. Why is this so sad for you? Should you be happy you’re finally leaving this relationship?
“I love you okay?” you sniff, more tears coming down but you give him a small smile.
He smiles and look at you. “I love you too...” He wipes your tears away and caresses your cheek. “I just want to tell you that I don't want us ending up like this: with anger and hate. I don't want to see you upset. I'll always love you.” He gives you a kiss on the forehead before stepping back again.
You grab his face, squeezing his cheeks before giving them a kiss. You the. get in the back, fastening your seatbelt back in. Oh god, you will really miss giving his cheek kisses.
He keeps looking at you, smiling as he notices your eyes become watery again. He takes a step towards your car and grab the door again, caressing your arm. “Before you go... Can I tell you something?”
You nod, looking at him as you wipe away your tears.
“I really regret the way I treated you, and I'm sorry for trying to control your life. I don't want you to remember me as this abusive boyfriend, but rather as the person who gave you so much love. I truly do love you, and I want you to be happy, even if that means not being with you anymore.” He gets closer to you, looking at you with the eyes full of hope that you’d get back together. “I don't want to lose you... I'm sorry you had to go through all of that, okay? Please...”
“I forgive you, but we can’t be together. I’m going to leave now, I love you. I love you so much. Please get better, okay? That will make me so happy.”
“Is there really no way to get you back? Can't you consider another chance? I promise you I've changed. I won't be as overprotective and jealous. I'll let you talk to whoever you want, and be out as late as you want. I don't want to lose you, and I know you still love me.” He continue caressing your arm, still staring into your eyes trying to convince you to come back to him.
You shake your head. “I can’t baby, I can’t. Just let me go, please? You’ll be doing us both a favor. I promise we are going to grow so much more not being together.”
He sighs and look at you with his devilish eyes, as he wants to make you stay with him, so he starts caressing your neck and cheek in order to turn you on. “I can't let you go. I want you, and you're mine.”
You struggle to push him off as he won’t move. You grunt and slap him but it’s not working. “Stop it. Now!”
He give you a look that shows you he won't stop until you do what he wants. “Come on, just one last kiss. I'll have no one else than you.” He starts kissing your neck and cheek, trying to find a way inside the car. “Let's go back to how it was. Please, sweetheart. Don't leave me...”
You finally push him off, rolling the window back up. You then turn the car back on as it turned off from being on too long, putting it back into drive.
“No, no no! Don't do this to me. Come on, just give in. You know this is the best option. I know you still want me. Just let me in.”
“No!” you yell, tears now streaming down your face as you put your foot on the gas, your car now moving slowly.
“No, please! What are you doing? Don't go away... I just want you! I want you!” He slams my arms on the door with all his might, crying and screaming in anger. “Why won't you just come back with me? Why don't you want to be with me anymore? Come on, please, baby... I just want to be with you.”
You push on the gas, your car flying by him as the force forces him to let go of the door. You are finally leaving. You roll the window down as you hear him yelling at you.
He keeps screaming and crying as you drive away, feeling helpless and angry at you for leaving him like that. “Don't you miss me? Don't you miss us? Don't you love me anymore? I did everything for you... Come back...”
