Bowling alley Devil's Minion dialogue (s3 ep4)
Not my usual type of post, but I really needed a transcript of this dialogue between Armand and Daniel recently. Couldn't find it anywhere, so for the poor souls who will need it too, I am posting this <3
- I can only imagine your anger--
- Stop! Turn around and walk in the opposite direction until you're halfway around the world. Once there, find a radioactive storage facility and, as is your way, asshole your way inside and see if the workers will give you a couple of spent fuel rods to suck on. Do that for however long it takes until your eyes begin to cave in and your dick falls off. After that, lose my number. After that, fuck off!
- I have been enduring intense conversation with myself. And as part of this journey, I wish to read you something I have written from the deepest regions of my soul. Dear Daniel, of all the things that walk the garden, it is you I have done the most harm to, and it is you I--
- Wait, wait, wait. Are you doing the Steps? Oh my God.
- I know this is 52 years late--
- Wait a minute. What group would have you? What, the Pseudologia Pensioner Fuckboys for Sobriety?
- I know when we first met--
- Wait, wait, wait, wait. Stop stop stop stop stop. I've done this myself once. Let me try. Hey, son. Dad here. Sorry about the deadbeat, no-child-support vibe I've been giving off for the past two years. Sorry about killing you on a private jet. I probably could've waited till you crossed the GW, but no, your vampire birth certificate resides in fucking Newark.
Oh, oh, oh, and one more thing, you're not gonna get any of my special vamp skills, because my blood sucks. And oh, by the way, I'm a friendless bottom twink sociopath. Sorry about Dubai. Sorry about San Francisco. And hey, a big-time sorry about every second in your life in between the two divorces, the blackout years at Knight Ridder, the five trips to rehab, the year listening to Phish. Yeah, that's all on me.
But hey, boyo, you have to admit, that it really does all boomerang 'round at Castro Street and your weekend at Mengele's, doesn't it? I'm really sorry about that, Danny. It was my job to put you out of your misery. But, hey, when a bucket of Louisiana fried chicken walks into the room and says 'Stop', well, what can I say? I'm just a 500-year-old pussy. Oops! Pick up the tab, will you, Pops?
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