Phoenix Rising

The sun, so painfully distant although gleaming through wodden lips outline the comfort and possibility for all things good. The sun is far, the shadows it has forsaken are within such close reach at yet it prevails through, to guid and to protect. Ice is all that may survive in the shadow.

Trauma happens in a few ways, mine is a mental trauma. I was mentally abused for months. I was made to believe that not one single person cared about me. I believe no one would cry if I died. I believed I didn't know what was best for me, I was made to believe that I could trust only my abuser, and that trust myself was the absolute worst thing I could do. Now that I've been free for two years I've just started the road to recovery. I've found happiness but no mater how many steps forward I take, I still feel alone all the time. I do love myself but for letting him take that much of me I am furious with myself. I am so mad at me. I am so mad at me I start to hate myself. The rising feeling in my center, of hate and isolation. Confusion and distrust. I look at my reflection and I see the girl I was just before him. It's like I've died. And now I'm just a ghost. I am crying and mourning my death, and the most disheartening feeling is looking up and being the only one knowing I'm dead.