jaded

acidentally relapsing 😛 insomnia has been kicking my ass lately

i think im going to start fasting until 10 in the mornings just so i can eat before work

i miss when clothes fell off my body instead of clinging to it. i miss when i was easier to look at instead of what ive become. i don't like who i am. i miss being found pretty. i miss being sick. i miss wearing my mental illness instead of concealing it behind layers of fat.

it's starting to smell like relapse season

it feels like im losing my sanity a little bit and my boyfriend just doesn't care

convinced he doesn't even like me lmao. i wouldn't either.

i used to be perfect and now im a bloated and gross piece of shit.

im so fat. im fucking hideous. actually deformed it's disgusting. how could i let myself get like this??? im fucking delusional if i think i deserve to be happy looking like an actual beached whale.

i used to be fucking beautiful and then i opened my mouth

im not smart enough for this. i'll never be smart enough for this. im so sick of pretending ive got a future when i don't.

goddamn do i want to be dead.

good luck to my boyfriend. his partner (me) is mentally fucked and he doesn't even know it.

google how do i go back in the past to kill myself

i feel awful today. wonderful. i think its time i relapse or something so maybe i'm at least pleasant to look at in the pit of my depression.