Knight of flame and chaos

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

We all reach downs in our life some more so then others. We have hit the bottom, and feel that all we can do is wallow in despair as we find ourselves at the bottom of the hole. We feel that their is no chance of anything getting better and that there is only one way out. That is wrong, Their is always a way out always a way to make things better. It may not be easy or even be able to do it all at once but there is a way out.

I know because I personally have contemplated  suicide four times and have attempted to take my own life twice. I lost the battle with my own demons and decided that there was only one way. I thankfully was talked down both times and have since gotten help for my problems. Have I completely won my fight against my demons? No i haven’t, I probably never will. But I have learned how to seek out help when it all seems bleak, to seek out others so I don’t have to fight alone.

Suicide is not the answer, it may seem like it is but it is not. Depression and self-loathing are two of the most common demons that we fight and they are difficult almost impossible to fight it seems sometimes. Trust me I know, I suffer from chronic depression and I know how hard it is to fight, to reach for a helping hand. Often we are so busy looking down in our pit of self loathing and despair that we miss the things around us. Our minds are clouded and vision hampered by the feelings of self doubt, depression, other negativity. We miss or don’t even look up to see the blue sky or that the wall may be easier to climb on the other side of the pit that we find ourselves in. We miss the helping hands that others are reaching out to us.

In life there is no greater opponent then ourselves and sometimes we need to ask for help. There is nothing wrong in asking for help. If you have or someone you know is or has contemplated suicide. Please speak up let them know your there and/or call the prevention hotline 1 800 273 8255 its 24/7 and toll free.

Anger.

Rage.

Hate.

We all have it no mater what we do, say, think, or believe. Its there burning inside. We also all know that there is a point when you realize that having all this rage,all this hate, all this stress. All any of it is doing is killing you.

You know you need to let it go, tell your self to let it go, even acknowledge it needs to be let go and thus you let it go.

Or at least you try, see no matter what we say even to our selves we can’t  just let it go. We can’t let that little shard of spite go. Its still there, sometimes we don’t know its still there. But often we do know. We know it and can feel it pestering like a wound. A poison so vile, we can’t help but keep it close. And we let that poison sit, that shard of hate and rage simmer in all its toxicity. No matter what we do or say. We have still have it hidden carefully away from the surface just boiling away. 

But sometimes, sometimes  something amazing happens  we wake up one morning, we go about our business. Not realizing something is off. Just that we feel better then we have been. But then you realize that shard of rage, that ball of hate, that poison that is stress. Its all gone it burnt it self out. We have truly and finally let it go and that feeling of freedom you have when you realize that fact is more powerful then any drug or intoxicant that exists.

You realize it doesn't fucking matter how big that ball of hate is or how sharp that shard of rage is. No matter how sweet it whispers to you to give in. To let it run wild. You realize that's all it is. A whisper. Not a whisper from a malevolent master holding the leash. But by a shadow, a monster under the bed. Something you realize only holds what power we surrender to it. Your mind says enough is enough. It forces you to look at the looming darkness and shines a light upon our nightmares only to reveal that is all they are.

A hidden fear of our rage, our hate, ourselves. And then you know, you realize that it holds no power. It disappears like dust in the wind.

This amuses me far more then it should.

Here we have the library/myst craft station. The top one is from the citadel the bottom is the opposite next to the stair case to the second floor.The big gaping hole is the top of an aquarium that I had squid in. This one I had mixed feelings on I liked the way the bookshelf s turned out and the general layout but it was missing something to keep me from being truly happy with it. You can also see what would be my AE2 on the far side.

Here we have some more construction done to the Citadel. The ground elevator/main entrance lead up into the Portal Room.

This is the beginning construction of the Floating citadel I decided to build as my main base.Sadly while I got decently far with it I never finished it.

This is the Alter of the Twin Snake aka my blood alter needed for blood magic

The entrance to the catacombs and Temple of The Snake God.

A dead end...or is it?

Yep another hidden door.

More alters

After another flight of stairs,3 traps and yet another hidden door we have arrived at the Temple of the Twin Snake God Of Blood.

back side of the twin snake entrance.

Close up of the Twin Snake.

The Temple outer entrance.

This is the Temple doorway closed and open.

Those discolored spots are actually invisible pressure plates 6 on each side of the door and wired  in such a way to have the door closed when nobody is on the plates. It took me a embarrassingly long time to figure out the wiring.

The Temple Inner room.

This a map view of the base.