engenebong_.

Jake snickered as he read the card he pulled for you from the stack and smacked it onto the table , the card sliding slightly and turning into your direction , your eyes wide as you read each word on it. "Isn't that fun?", Riki snickered next to you before his lips closed around the mouth of the beer bottle he was holding in his hand, his throat bobbing slightly as he chugged the rest of it in one go before releasing it again , wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and placing the empty bottle on the table. Your head turned to your right side , your eyes locking with Riki's as he gave you a lazy smirk before your head turned to your left side and your eyes landed on Sunghoon who was cleaning his glasses next to you with the fabric of his shirt.

You laughed nervously. "Seriously..? Why are we even playing truth or dare, that's childish", Jake raised a brow at your response before the corner of his lips curled up. "Oh come on (Y/n) , it's just a kiss , don't be such a wuss! A peck also counts , unless, you want to take another shot?", Jake dared as he glanced down at the shot glass , being the little shit he was , he filled the shot glasses so full that the liquid was threatening to tip over the rim with every single gentle nudge against the table. You huffed softly before glancing at Sunghoon and you gently nudged your knee against his. "Are you even okay with that..?", you asked softly as you took note of his spaced out demeanor , his head slowly turning to look at you with slightly wide eyes before he snapped out of his spaced out behavior , his eyes relaxing as he nodded his head. "Yeah .. I don't mind"

"Aw.. why aren't you asking me ?", Riki pouted slightly as he fake cooed and rubbed his shoulder against yours but you just clicked your tongue. "Cause with the amount of people you have kissed , you wouldn't give a flying shit", he snickered softly , putting his hand over his heart as he clutched in play hurt. "You wound me (Y/n), is that how you think of me?", he asked jokingly , a hint of mockery layered underneath the joking tone. "That's not what I think of you , that's how you display yourself— Less talking more kissing guys!", Heeseung groaned out as he clapped his hands to get your attention. You really didn't wan to take another shot and kissing them didn't seem too bad , but now was the question — who were you going to kiss first?

"I call shotgun", before you could decide , Riki took the initiative by grabbing your chin to make you face him , his head lowering and closing the gap between the two of you. His lips were plump and warm , the coldness of the beer he drank lingering on the surface along with the taste of it and much to your surprise , it wasn't unpleasant — it tasted weirdly sweet , or maybe that was just him? You kissed him back , his hand moving from your chin down to the front of your neck , tilting his head to the side to deepen the kiss slightly before leaning back again. He was smirking when you opened your eyes , his tongue peeking out as he licked his bottom lip. "Sweet… wasn't too bad now , was it?", no , it wasn't — in fact, you enjoyed it.

Sunghoon watched the whole scene , quietly scoffing under his breath , quiet enough for only you to hear. "Let's see if little nerd Sunghoon has the balls to properly kiss you", Riki teased as he turned you around and passed you over to Sunghoon who was already looking at you, his thick eyebrow arching up from Riki's teasing and something in his eyes lit up — a flame of competitiveness started to light up.

"Riki don't be like tha—", you were about to scold him but once again , were cut off by Sunghoon this time. His hand grabbed the back of your head and pressed your head close towards his , his lips clashing with yours and moving in a rhythm that started off slow before it slowly picked up. His lips pressed harder against yours , his tongue licking at your bottom lip to coax you to part your lips and let his tongue in. Your hands grabbed onto his collar in surprise , your fingers curling around the fabric as he slipped his tongue in and let it slide against yours , his fingers tangling with your hair.

"Damn…didn't know Sunghoon had it in him like that..", someone whistled and you couldn't quite tell who it was , maybe Heeseung? Maybe Jake? Everything around you fell deaf on your ears , your mind occupied by the feeling of the tip of nose brushing against your cheek and his tongue against yours , wet smacking noises getting created by his lips against yours.

"Hey now , that's unfair. I was trying to be fair here , don't leave me out", you got pulled back as Riki pulled you away from Sunghoon, your eyes opening momentarily just to see the way Sunghoon's glasses had fogged up while his lips were glistening underneath the colorful lights of the party. And was that a hint of jealousy you heard in Riki's voice? Riki turned your head back into his direction before you could even think about it and dove back in , his right hand cupping the side of your face to keep it in place while his left hand found its way on your knee. Your mind was a mess , what the hell was going on? But you weren't complaining.. it felt nice to have two hot guys fight over you like that.

Riki's kiss that was by the first time rather innocent was now downright heated , his teeth nibbling at your bottom lip before he slipped his wet muscle into your mouth just to tease your tongue with the tip of his. His hand on your knee moved up to your thigh , subtly pulling your leg over one of his just to caress your thigh better while his tongue tangled with yours now. The kiss was wet , messy and hot. He'd break the kiss a couple times just to lick at your lip and take a breather before pulling your lips back into a dance with his.

Your mind was a mess. Riki kissing and touching your like that… and now Sunghoon was touching you too , occupied with your other thigh while strands of his hair tickled your neck as he leaned his chin against your shoulder , his breathing against your ear sending a shiver down your spine. "Hey.. give me attention too", his voice was low , thick with envy as his hand reached out to move Riki's face away from you which annoyed the younger. "Hey!"

"Don't hog her Riki , your greed sickens me", Sunghoon replied back in annoyance before he kissed you again. You were so into it that you didn't even realize that the game of truth or dare was left abandoned now and that the group of people you were playing with had disappeared. Well Heeseung stayed to take a couple videos but got dragged away by Jake.

Now it was only the three of you on the couch , you sandwiched between the two of them while people around you were too drunk to realize what was happening or too occupied making out themselves. You were getting dizzy , everything was too much ..yet ,felt so good — good enough to have you squeezing your thighs together if it weren't for them having your legs spread apart to touch or caress your thighs. Sunghoon's lips against yours , only breaking the kiss to take his glasses off while Riki started to place hot , wet kisses on your neck to distract you from Sunghoon — it was too much!

"Alright guys , cut it out before one of you ends up messing up my couch", tiny drops of water got sprayed onto your faces making you pull away with a gasp while Riki and Sunghoon just glared at Jay standing behind the three of you with a spray bottle in his hand. "If you guys want to continue whatever the hell that was , go somewhere else but not my leather couch", Jay scolded as he sprayed the water again , as if he was lecturing cats to not fight or something like that. "You're such a buzzkill Jay", Riki groaned out while his hand went into the pocket of his jeans , as if he was looking for something and luckily , it was dark enough to not be able to see that he was adjusting the boner in his pants while Sunghoon just pretended to space out and place a pillow on his lap. Well , it was nice while it lasted. Riki leaned over so both you and Sunghoon could hear him once Jay was gone.

"So.. who was the better kisser (Y/n)? Me or Sunghoon? Or do we need a rematch?"

“come on, riki. it’d be fun, wouldn’t it?” jake nagged, shaking his forearm desperately, pointing towards the bright orange sign ‘pyramids’, his lips in a pout and eyes wide. “just think about it, for your bachelor's party, we go in there, strippers all around us in a private room!”

riki’s body slowly got pushed by his other friend, jungwon, inching slowly towards the club. “it’s like your last chance of freedom, riki, it’ll be your last time before you get married, live a little!” he hummed, the orange finally hitting his body. he could hear the don toliver blasting from the outside of the club – he could feel the bass pumping through his chest.

“pyramids…?” he scoffed, raising his eyebrows with suspicion, as he looked between the two grinning men, with a soft sigh, and under no pressure at all, he reached into his back pocket to take out his id card. “fine, but since it’s my bachelor party… i get first dibs.”

the light reflected off jake’s eager and excited grin, staining jungwon’s white shirt. each step of the way, riki held a smile on his face, in all honesty, he didn’t want to marry her, sooha. it was too fast, the agreement, the young love, it was something he would’ve dreamed of in high school, but now he was 25, stuck in something he didn’t want.

with a fina shake of his head and a smirk, riki handed his id to the bouncer, who couldn’t care less about who came and how old they were, unhooking the red rope, glaring them down until they disappeared into the dark.

as the three walked deeper, they could feel their soles peel off the floor – smells of booze, sex and cheap cologne filling their nostrils in an instant, strobe lights cutting through the fog and smokey air, blinding them.

“see, told you it’d be a good idea!” jake yelled directly into his ear, as they sat down at a booth next to the stage. the pole was shining against the dancer’s sweaty, glittery bodies, money being thrown at them as if they were nothing, just a meer tool of entertainment.

jungwon let out a low whistle as he noticed a hostess in an outfit that was more skin than any sort of fabric approach them with a smile and in rollerskates.

“hiya!” she exclaimed cheerfully, sliding menu’s to the three hungry men. “welcome to the pyramid, i’m your host for tonight, wh’d you like to take a look at the food menu or… our exclusive one?” she hummed, leaning against the sticky table, her cleavage practically in jungwon’s face while waving the bunny shaped paper.

“exclusive.” jake said a little too fast, eyes not once looking up at her face, as he wiped the drool from his lips, “we’ll take the exclusive one.”

the woman giggled, sliding it slowly against the table before skating away, not forgetting to blow a kiss towards the flustered jungwon.

“i’m dibsing her, you got that?” he murmured, eyes lingering on her uncovered behind, as he pointed at the other men, who were laughing at the sight of his chub in his jeans. jungwon’s hands didn’t even drop to hide it – rather, he was trying to flex it, to attract attention, even.

both riki and jake threw their hands up as a surrender, a way to back off of jungwon’s claim as they searched the menu. jake’s smile grew wide as he saw the name of one of the, as the club would call it, ‘desserts’, puppy.

with a giddy smile, he finally slid the menu to riki with a wink, finger lingering on the woman he thought riki would’ve liked – and oh boy was jake more than right. – you. on the paper, you were titled as ‘cleo’.

he swore he had never seen such beauty, not when sooha was in high school, and certainly not now. he could feel his pants tighten up, the fabric feeling heavy against his boner. “her. i want– no, need her.” he hitched.

he couldn't care less about the laughter from the other two men, as he raised his hand up almost at the speed of light to call the host back, the sound of skating filling his ears as she arrived once again.

“what can i do for you gentlemen?” she hummed, resting her hand on jungwon’s shoulder, lightly squeezing, feeling how tense he is. “i see you’re looking at our exclusive menu, wanna order one of our ‘desserts’?”

“please.” jungwon whined, looking up at the woman with almost glossy eyes. “We’ll order them, for me i want you, for jake – the brunette, we want ‘puppy’ and for this… soon-to-be husband, we want ‘cleo’.”

“soon-to-be husband, aye?” the woman smiled brightly, grabbing jungwon’s wrist, guiding his hand around her waist. “why don’t ya follow me, handsomes?” she hummed, slowly skating towards a velvety pink curtain, holding it open for them. “room 109, will be there shortly!”

she skated past the men, further down the hall, where a door sat, labelled ‘desserts’ in glowing pink lights. it was… fitting to say the least.

the hallway had absorbed the club’s music, the bass disappearing to be replaced with a low thrum. the air now cooler and laced with a perfume that did little to mask the scent of sweat and salty sex.

the walls were drapped with velvety curtains – ones mixed with deep reds and golds, each of them hiding a private room behind them, the number 109 glinting softly under the dim lights.

jungwon pushed the curtain aside with eagerness, revealing a heavy black metal door, which made him groan for the hard labour to get into the room. he nudged it open with his arm, finally revealing the room.

it was one that was of medium sized, as in the room there was a red-velvet sofa wrapping around the walls, as in the center a stage was lit with a silver pole straight through the middle, walls dusted in glitters. the air conditioner was placed on full, raising the hair’s along riki’s arm.

“last change of freedom?” riki murmured to himself, as he slid into the booth, feeling the velvet of the sofa to be cold and slightly sticky.

“oh come on, ki, don’t look so grossed out,” jake laughed, slapping his shoulder as he sat away from him, manspreading. “‘yer bout to have an experience even your fiancee would never give you, y’know about her preaching sex after marriage.”

the word ‘fiancee’ didn’t hurt as much as riki thought it would, sooha. her smiling face, the way she’d plan the wedding from the first day they started dating in high school, to the pressure in her voice when they talked about kids.

it was too much, it felt like a room too small for two. without a word, he grabbed the bottle of cheap wine from the icebucket in the center of the table, pouring a generous glass – downing it in one go.

jungwon and jake let out low whistles as they watched riki drink his, what he’d like to say, ‘sorrows’ away. before riki could pour a third or fourth glass, the curtains swished open a loud shrill.

the hostess had skated in first, playful as she winked at jungwon, who instantly sat up straighter, legs spread wider as he winked back. behind her, came in two other women – the one’s that the group had ‘ordered’.

next, was a women with her hair in twin pigtails as she bounced into the room, a leather collar sat against her neck with a leash connected, which she placed in jake's hand, before kneeling between his thighs and nuzzling his knee with a grin. “woof,” she hummed, voice playful.

jakes face lit up as he curled the leather between his fist, pulling it closer to him, so her palms could sit against his thigh. “hey there, puppy.”

riki’s legs bounced in anticipation as he waited for you to enter. was he going to get catfished? did you not look like yourself? did he order the wrong person–

the air shifted as you entered, and riki’s heart had stopped entirely.

the meny description and photo did you no justice, ‘cleo’. you moved with a seductive elegance that was oddly hot with the tacky setting around you. your eyes were lined with black, smoky eyeshadow, which found riki’s own immediately.

a small knowing smile rested on your lips, not one of a performative grin of the hostess, or the dumb one of your coworker – puppy – but something more quieter. the gold fabric of your outfit barely covering anything, the onlything under was the small bikini set.

riki felt the air leave his lungs, if his pants couldn’t get tighter before, they were even tighter now. it was a feeling of unsettling desire and recognition, as if he’d been waiting for a moment like this his whole life. as if he had dreamed of seeing you walk through those curtains, as he waited in the sticky booth.

“must be the almost-husband” you hummed, voice dropping low, but enough to cut through the club’s obnoxious music. you didn’t wait for an invitation, instead you slid beside him on the sticky velvet, leg brushing his as you rested your hand on his bicep – a warm jolt sliding through him.

“that’s me,” riki managed, voice a slight mumble, and rougher than he needed it to be. he took a quick sip of wine from the bottle itself.

to the left, he had noticed jake’s fly already down, as he pulled ‘puppy’s’ leash upward – a soft gagging sound filling his ears.

to his right, he sees the hostess from before, now slowly grinding the bikini bottoms she wore against jungwon’s boner, his face stuffed between her bare breasts as her top hung god knows where.

riki made a face of disgust at the sight, before looking back at you with a sigh – a bubble of silence forming between the two of you. you studied him, head tilting with a squint of your eyes. he could smell the lotus from your perfume.

“you don’t seem very… happy,” you hummed, finger tracing the soft lines of his muscles, a pout highlighting the gloss of your lips. “most bachelor parties are… eager. well, the groomsmen are, and clearly yours are ecstatic about this.”

riki let out a short laugh, deprived of any sort of humour. “maybe i’m not most bachelors.”

“clearly,” you coughed out, gaze direct. “what’s her name?”

the air between the two of you filled with something out of place, one that stunned him to the point he couldn’t hide. “sooha,” he mumbled, voice as soft as a secret.

“do you love her?”

he should’ve been offended by your words. should’ve said it wasn’t any of your business, that he was paying you to get his dick wet and not a therapy session. but the wine he downed echoed in his mind, like he needed to tell you. the view of the glowing orange sign, etched into his head, had felt like the point of no return – all it did was loosen his mouth.

“i did. once. or i thought i did, now it just feels… like a chore.”

you nodded slowly, as if he had confirmed your speculations, which he had. “a chore? that’s a strange way of saying the beginning.” your body moved closer to his, breasts pressing against his forearm, lips close to his face, and for a wild second, he thought you were going to kiss him. instead, you whispered against his cheek, breath hot in the cool air, “do you want to be free, mr groom-to-be?”

he froze at your words, reality hitting him. he was engaged. he was going to have a wife in three months time, what was he doing at a strip club. yet, he didn’t feel any sort of sadness, the way you said it, like a spell, it made his skin spike.

he swallowed the lump in his throat, glancing down at your shining lips. “what are you offering?” he whispered back, heart hammering against his ribs.

your smile returned, one more smirk and mischievous like than enjoyment. you stood up, extending a hand – gold fabric of your outfit shimmering against the lights. “a dance. for the almost-husband, a story for the future. maybe something more.”

hypnotized, he placed his hand in yours, your skin cooler than the aircon. you led him past the stage, pushing open the heavy door with your shoulder, leaving the room with him. in the back, he could hear the wolf whistles of his friends, and jakes moans.

the air had shifted as you dragged him past every repeating door, only to push the one at the end of the hallway open, one revealing a bed – a heart shaped bed, decorated in hot pinks and reds.

your hand had shoved him down onto the bed, letting him lay down against the soft covers, hips instantly straddling his waist, as heavy breathing filled the room. the music had seemed to shift, through riki’s head, all he could think about was how beautiful you looked. not sooha. not his friends. not the wedding, nor the future. but you and how your body swayed.

you began to move, to the rhythm of whatever song was echoing in the speakers from the stage. each beat a guide of your hips as your lower half moved slowly against riki’s half-hardened cock.

this wasn’t your usual routine, you had rarely even brought anyone back here, unlike some of your co-workers. you weren’t fast, nor were you what people would call ‘boring’. your hands stayed idle against his upper abdomen, soft panting escaping both of your lips. a soft, vulnerable moan escaped your lips with the arch of your back. you could feel your bottoms slick up, your stomach pooling with desire.

riki’s hands go to grip your wrist, pushing them higher against his body, resting on his chest – as if he wants you to do more than grinding against his hard-on. and you listened, customer’s always right, arent they?

your fingers pressed against his hard nipples through the button-up, earning a loud groan from his lips, one that vibrated through your palm. this wasn’t any sort of performative one like a porno you’ve starred in, but it was real. something that burnt under your skin, your urges to strip away from your persona filling your mind.

it wasn’t about ‘cleo’ and him, but you and him, this desperation, a friction. something to spark any relationship between you and him. not his fiance, but you.

“harder,” he rasped, voice wrecked in way’s you’ve never heard from any man. his hands left your wrist, sliding down your sides to grip your hips, fingers digging into your bare skin. he took over each thrusts, guiding your own movement as his thrusts meet your grinds with something that stole air from your lungs.

the sound of fabric rustling and the bed creaking from beneath you, combined with the slick sound of fabric on fabric, too lewd to even comprehend. you could feel the wet heat browning between you, a small patch developing on your bottom and riki’s jeans.

his earlier vulnerability now gone and consumed with a hunger. he watched your face, from how your lips parted and how your eyes fluttered close – he was trying to memorise every reaction he pulled from you, like he’d never see you again. it wasn’t about the money or customer service anymore, this was about pleasure.

“take it off,” he growled, eyes glancing down at the buttons of his own shirt, where small water particles dampened.

a shiver of anticipation ran down your spine, there was a rule for everyone: never more than a dance, never more than a blowjob. the real treat was served somewhere else, for a much larger price range and with stricter views. but, to you, the rule book was a myth; it was gone in an instant when you saw him walk through the door.

your fingers, which were trembling now, not from any sort of fear, but a need that mirrored his, went to work on the buttons. one. two. three. with each one removed, more of his torso was revealed to you, the slightly tanned skin, hard planes of his stomach, a fair trail of dark hair leading down to his pants.

you pushed the fabric aside, letting him shrug it off his shoulders, letting it pool behind him on the pink sheets. the sight of him under the amber lights was more clearer than any sort of fantasy in your mind or sold.

you let your hands map the warmth of his skin, nails scrapping lightly against his nipples, a hiss escaping his lips, as he let his head fall back against the velvet on the bed.

“your turn,” he grunted, gaze dropping to the flimsy gold ties that held your top together, his words werent a request, but a demand.

every part of your body screamed at you, telling you no, don’t. you could lose your job. hostess. management. every deal you could’ve gotten. but it was too late, you’ve already crossed the line of no turning back, the pounding in your ears matching the bass of the music.

holding his gaze, your fingers reached back, fumbling with the string before pulling, gold fabric loosening in an instant. the top slid down from your chest to riki’s lower abdomen, the cool air instant hitting your perked nipples.

his breath hitched in awe, a hunger in his eyes replaced with something for a second, maybe adoration, or even some sort of warmth. “god,” he whispered, the words a prayer on his tongue.

the hands from your waist slid up to your chest, his warm and rough hands cupping your breasts, thumbs brushing over your hard nipples. your body arched into his hands, a needy and genuine sound tearing through your throat as you rocked against him, layers of clothing between your lower bodies feeling like a barrier.

outside the room – thumping music, other girls with elder men, and the clock ticking of his old life – had ceased to exist. there was only the seeking want of your bodies, the slick of leaking heat, and the taste of red wine and sweat on hus lips when you had finally crashed your mouth to his, the kiss all tongue, teeth and a desperate oxygen.

it was a kiss that felt less like a promise and reckoning, but more of the beginning of something new, something more.

he broke the kiss, panting hot air as he rested his forehead against yours, his eyes wild and dilated. “tell me your name,” he demanded, voice rough against your lips. “your real one, please.”

the words made you swallow a thick lump, your own breath coming in short of gasps. you could lie, you should lie. but between the two of you, you knew you didn’t want to. after you gave him a lap dance on a heart-shaped bed, after you flashed your tits to him, with your skin under his hands, and his wrecked future in the heat between the both of you, it felt like the only thing you should tell him.

you exhaled a shaky breath, opening your mouth to answer. “i’m–”

“who the fuck is in there? hurry up! i have a client here, and you know the policy, you’ve been in there for more than 15 minutes!”

you gasped at your co-worker's words, pushing riki down with some sort of secrecy. “give me a second, i’m finishing up!” you lied with an apologetic look down at riki, whose eyebrows furrowed.

riki, with a disgruntled look and almost regret, reached into his wallet, pulling out a thick wad of bills, he didn’t count it, but rather pushed you off his body and threw the cash at you. green bills flying over the place as he stormed out of the room in a rage, not even bothering to thank you – leaving you half naked, door wide open with your co-worker and her client staring in disbelief.

as riki walked down the hallway, his mind raced with emotions, regret, confusion, rage. he couldn’t place a finger on it, his hand pushed the door to room 109 with a loud bang, making every single person in there jump.

“we’re leaving,” he growled out, cheeks flushed red.

the silence was deafening; if something from outside had even dropped, you would be able to hear it.

jake was the first one to speak, letting out a low whistle as he looked him up and down, eyes lingering on his boner and the wet stain. “damn, ki. she… wow, she did a number on you.” he raised an eyebrow, finally looking back at his mad expression.

jungwon chirped in, hand rubbing the hostess's lower back softly. “you okay, man? you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“we are leaving.” his voice left no room for any sort of argument, as he turned on his heel, expecting the other two men to follow him, which they did, saying goodbye to their ‘desserts’ with a kiss and a call me motion.

⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀˚　　　✦　　　.　　˚　 . ⠀⠀♪ ˚

a month goes by, and riki could still feel the ghost of your lotus perfume on his skin.

he say stiffly on the black leather sofa in the apartment he shared with sooha, morning news droning on about trafficking, local politics and assumed doxxing of the president. the soft sunlight streamed through the blinds, small specks of dust floating.

everything was clean, quiet, how they should be. a photo of the couple, ‘smiling’ at a strawberry garden, sat on the shelf close by the television. it felt like the perfect life, or what should be perfect.

sooha scooted closer, her head an uncomfortable weight on his shoulder as her finger hooked around the string of his hoodie, giving it a soft tug. “they’re saying it’ll rain later,” she hummed, her voice soft with what many would consider as ‘wifey material’. “maybe we should move in the sofa on the patio, and don’t forget about the cake tasting at three.”

he made a noncommittal grunt in his throat, eyes fixed on the news reporters moving lips, yet nothing clicked in his brain, mind elsewhere and trapped in the memory of the heartshapped bed.

the feeling of it – the sticky leather under his thighs, to the plush hot pink of the bed. the smell of a perfume cut by his own adrenaline that was almost haunting, how the lotus scent had clung to him as he made his way back to the hotel.

the sound, not the television, but the wet rustle of fabrics, a sharp inhale, a moan that wasn’t fake, and a voice, one low, like you’ve had this happen to you before, asking, “do you want to be free, mr groom-to-be?” you didn’t know his name, and he felt attached.

“riki?” sooha’s voice rang straight through the memory, tingling with an annoying and gentle concern. “honey, you’re tensing up again. is it work? all the merger stuff?”

she shifted to look up at him, her thigh wrapping on his as her eyes were wide and caring. he forced himself to meet her gaze, offering a a smile that was too fake to even be classified as one, but sooha, blinded by love, didn’t notice it. “yeah. just… work, y’know?” he huffed, looking back up at the television. “alot on my mind.”

to be fair, it wasn’t a complete lie, he was clouded with the merger at his frim. but, it wasn’t the main thing that was occupying his thoughts, the main thing was the black, smoky eyeshadow and the way her hips moved like she was trying to make him forget about sooha.

he saw it every night when his eyes shut tight. not the full ordeal, but fragments of the events. the way your back arched as his hands cupped your chest. the way your lips parted as you moaned. the face you made as he threw his money at you in a rage, your skin unde his palms.

it was almost devastating how much he missed the moment when you were bare from chest to your waist, the way in his mind, you were his and he was yours. he’d replay the moment he’d asked you for your real name a thousand times, the silence before you wouldve answered only to be ruined with his own panic.

‘we are leaving.’

he’d fled, tear himself from the room, from you, as if the building was burning down. he’d dragged out a confused jake and a whiney jungwon into the cold, ashy, night time air, the neon orange sign now a glow on their back.

he’d spent the cab ride to the hotel in silence, his body radiating a desired heat that he couldn’t ever solve.

and for what? to return to this bullshit of a ‘home’. to mornings on a black leather sofa that resembled the booths where you first met. to cake tasting and moving furniture. to no sex what so ever, and a future that he could see before him. one very boring, very predictable.

sooha’s phone buzzed against her lap, a reminder of the cake tasting flashing against the screen – her wallpaper a photo of the two of them when they first met in high-school. her smile widened at the sight. “the baker said she has a new lotus buttercream she want’s us to try. sounds perfect for out wedding doesn’t it?”

lotus. those words felt absurd, annoying. and in a way, painstaking – thats what you smelt like, it practically made his teeth ache. he could vividly see the wine in the ice bucket, the way the taste of grape burned his throat.

“yeah, perfect.” he grumbled, words feeling more forceful than not.

he gently pushed her off, pretending to stretch his limbs. “i’m gonna grab a shower before the day gets going, okay?”

sooha’s eye’s widened at his actions, before letting out a sigh. it must’ve been stress, yeah, stress. “okay, honey. don’t take long we have to–”

“i know, cake tasting. stop repeating yourself.” he sighed, one more aggressive than before as he walked away, disappearing down the hallway.

he braced his hands against the wall of the shower, allowing the spray of water that he’d think is the perfect temperature, which is now more colder than usual, his head hanging in an emotion he couldn’t put his finger on.

the water couldn’t wash it away, the memory of you crawled in your skin, in his brain.

'do you want to be free?'

he had left the club that night thinking he was running away from any regret, from any mistakes. but, it cost him a month of sleepless nights and distracted him from his job, his annoying fiance, and the truth.

he didn’t run away, rather back to the cage he was trapped in for the rest of his life.

when he closed his eyes, he didn’t see sooha’s face or the lotus cake. he saw the velvety curtains, the glowing numbers of 109. he saw a pair of eyes that looked at him and saw the man trapped inside something he didn’t want to be a part of. he could see his own hand, the money you sat in as a substitute for what he’d really wanted to give you – you being on the sofa instead of sooha.

once he opened his eyes once again, all he could see was the raging boner he sported against his stomach. with a loud groan, his rough hands wrapped around his cock, slowly stroking up and down.

his fingers traced each vein as he grunted, the image of you imprinted in his mind. he imagined how you would look on your knees, how your pretty lips would wrap around his cock. his fist ran up and down his cock faster, to the point he could see stars.

“fuck, right there…” he moaned to himself, head thrown back as he felt his stomach churn, before a loud groan escaped his lips, cum dribbling out from the head of his cock before falling onto the tiled ground, soft splats echoed through out the bathroom only to be drowned out by the sound of water.

he didn’t want to open his eyes, yet he had to eventually. he wasn’t in that fantasy land he dreamed of, rather he was back in the shower, one of the apartment he shared with sooha. with a final breath, he turned off the water – the ghost of the lotus scent still lingering in the air.

and for the first time within a month, the answer he was looking for was clear: he needed you, this instant. he loved you, as crazy as it sounded, he wanted you, not sooha.

the steam clung to the tiles, droplets traced a slow path downwards as riki stood there, towel wrapped low around his wairs, his black hair damn against his neck.

he walked out of the bathroom, plush carpet muffling his steps against the carpet. sooha, who was still sitting on the sofa, was now scrolling through her phone, most likely looking at the floral arrangements and seating plan.

the morning light caught the tiny diamond of her engagement ring, sending a soft glittering shimmer across the wall.

“sooha.”

his voice was quiet, yet it wasn’t his usual nervous calm voice. it held more power, confidence, something that was going to destroy her.

she looked up from her phone, smile wide as if she was about to comment on the flower arrangements, before faltering at the sight of riki’s face.

“we need to talk.” he stated bluntly, eyes dark. “now.”

the next hour was a blur of straight foward sentences which were met with silence and silent tears. he hadn’t mentioned you, nor the club. no, that would’ve been wrong. he spoke of not feeling the spark after 10 years, the feeling that he was living a life made for someone else.

he had used words such as “unfair to you” as well as “finding myself”, which were true in their own aspects, but felt fake and hollow even to him.

they were polite and acceptable to the public eye, but to speak the truth, what he really meant was: ‘i’ve met a woman at a strip club that jake and won dragged me to, she showed me what it felt like to be seen, to actually get my dick wet unlike you and your rules. i hate it, i hate how i was living under your shadow. i can’t deal with it anymore.’

he packed a single large bag, movements swift and fast, he wanted to leave the dumpster fire as fast as he could, while sooha sat shivering on the edge of what used to be their bed, face red and hot from tears and sorrow.

as he left, he didn’t look back, nor did he feel any guilt. rather, he felt a sense of excitement and giddyness for the first time in forever. he didn’t head straight to jake or jungwon’s place. they would’ve welcomed him, sure, but with shit eating grins, which would’ve made him was to punch their perfect faces.

instead, he drove.

the city blurred past his car windows, each house in the neighbourhood blending into one as he drove further and further away into the afternoon. the sky was a orange, the neon orange sign now off, building looking deserted and empty in the daylight.

his heart hammered against his ribs, this was fucking insane. you were a fantasy for men, a persona. you wouldn’t be there, nor would you remember him. you wouldn’t care.

but something in his mind pushed him. he had to know, had to see if the lotus was real or just a trick of his mind, his desperation.

he parked in the almost empty parking lot, each step towards the entrance feeling heavier and regretful, he could remember it, the fateful night. a bored looking man in a security shirt was smoking by the dumpster, the bud glowing a orange as well.

riki took a large gulp, saliva burning his throat before he approached the man. “i’m looking for someone,” he said bluntly, voice steadier than he felt. “she works here, dances, strips, whatever. goes by the stage name… ‘cleo’?”

the guard took a drag, eyeing riki’s expensive jacket and the panicked and eager look in his eyes. “don’t know ‘er, girls come and go around here.”

“please.” riki reached for his wallet, not for cash to bribe the guard with, but a small reumpled recepit he found ages ago, in the pocket of his jeans. one the back, in a moment of a sort of vulnerability in the first week, he had scribbled information he could remember to the best of his abilities: 109, lotus, cleo. “it’s important.”

the guard, glanced at the pathetic piece of paper before shrugging with almost sympathy. “try coming back after seven, sometimes they come in early to get dolled up. but i ain’t promising ‘thing.”

with a defeated sigh, riki nodded thanking the guy as he dragged his feet to the seven-eleven nearby, purchasing a can of hosegarden and a pathetic sandwich.

the hours until seven felt like forever. he sat in the passenger seat of his car, phone connected to the aux, playing different rnb song’s as he watched the sun set, the sky shifting into tones of orange and pinks that reminded him of the club.

when he saw the first glow of the ‘pyramids’ sign flicker up, he got out, practically running around to the back of the dimly lit alley way, watching figures arrive. different women with large makeup cases. a man carrying a crate of liquor and drugs.

and as he was about to give up, he saw you. you stepping out of a car that was rusted, and modest.

you something casual, the warmth before stripping it all away within a few seconds. your face was free of any sort of dramatic eyeshadow, you looked younger, more real, and even more beautiful than the beauty he saw in the private room. you were checking your phone with a frown etched into your face.

his breath caught, every cell in his body screamed to run to you. to hold you, kiss you. but he froze, the reality crashing down onto him. what the fuck was he doing? stalking a stripper in the alley way? after what, one lap dance? this was the actions of a psycho.

but when you looked up, eyes scanning over the alleyway, passing over him as he was nothing before you did a double take, eyes snapping back.

your body went frigid.

everything had stilled around you, the city sounds, thumping base being tested inside of the club, the flickering of the alley lights – it had all dissolved into the back of your mind. there was only twenty feet of ruined pavement between you and the customer you couldn’t keep your mind off of.

you remembered.

slowly, you tucked your phone into your pocket, face still. you didn’t smile, nor did you look away. you just looked at him, head tilting slightly, the same unnerving look in your eyes. waiting for him to move.

he found his feet moving slowly, before he was sprinting across the alleyway, with a flushed face until he stood before you, bendin g down to catch his breath – the scent of lotus filling your nose, mixing with the clean detergent and smokey air.

it was the real you.

“hi,” he panted, words sounding ridiculous.

“hi,” you replied, voice the same tone that he had first heard when you entered the shared room. it wasn’t a performance, but just you.

“i’m riki.”

“i’m… aware.”

the air filled with an awkward silence, making you bounce on your heels as you waited for his words.

“i left her,” he blurted out, the hard-cold truth spilling out of his mouth. “i called it off– i called off the wedding. i’m… i’m here.”

your eyes squinted at him as you studied his expression, his posture, looking at the shadows under his eyes, the tension in his jaw, raw hope with the fearful expression.

you didn’t look triumphant. you didn’t look seductive – just… normal.

“why?” you finally asked, the words almost devastating.

he wanted to say more, for anything to explain the heartbreak of a woman that he had caused, all because of you. all he had was the sharp truth.

“because you asked me if i wanted to be free.” he sighed, taking a shaky breath. “and… the answer is yes, it’s you. always been you. as stupid as it may sound, since the moment you had walked into that room. i completely forgot about her, about everything.”

a slow smile touched your lips, not the persona nor was it something disingenuous, but something softer and more real. it practically lit up your face. you took a small step closer, closing the distance between you. you reached out, not to touch him, but to brush the drop of sweat away from his temple.

“y/n,” you said softly.

his eyes caught yours in confusion, eyebrows furrowed softly. “what?”

“my name is y/n,” you repeated.

his breath hitched for a second. he captured your hand, holding it against his cheek, eyes snapping closed for a second, before opening them wide open, as if he thought he was dreaming. the world not a blur, but rather something else, like it answered a prayer.

“y/n,” he repeated, your name a whisper, a beginning. the solid ground he needed to return to, as if he had known you for years. in the alley, the club, the past – it had melted away. it was only you and the decision he had made.

without a word, he grabbed your wrist, dragging you to his car. you didn’t argue with him, infact, you allowed him to manhandle you, you wanted this – if atleast what you’re thinking would happen is about to happen.

the sound of the back cardoor opened snapped you out of your thoughts. you looked up from the concret floor, tracing the line of his body, from his feet, to his long legs, to his undeniable hard on to his flushed face.

he was giving you a chance to leave – but you didn’t. you practically jumped in to the car, crawling against the soft leather of the seats, ass shaking lightly as an invitation for riki. and he didn’t hesitate at it.

he climbed in behind you, his lankyness never a trouble for stuff involving sex. the door slammed shut with a soft jitter, before his hands found your waist, fingerings lingering at the band of your sweats.

with a moan and a nod, he smirked, fingers dipping under the waistband of your pants, pushing them down to your knees – revealing what he had missed the first time. the smell of your arousal instantly hit his nose, making him moan.

he could see the damp spot against the thin fabric that covered nothing, his thumb slowly rubbing your needy hole. “already so wet for me…” he mumbled to himself, his teeth coming to bite the soft flesh of your ass.

“can’t wait to taste this sweet thing…” he coo’d, pushing the small fabric to the side, landing a small kiss against the wetness of your hole. the words hung in the air as he breathed against your skin.

a high, broken sound tore from your throat, one of pure sensation. your fingers gripped the cool leather of the car seats as his tongue traced slow circles around the your gasping hole – his thumb slowly finding your clit, matching the motion of his tongue against your hole.

your legs thrashed softly, only to be held down by riki’s free hand as his tongue pushed into you, the hot muscle pressed inside you with a relentless pace. the air being thick with the sound of your shared breaths and the slick of his mouth on you.

he let out a low hum, vibrating against your core – making you jolt upwards, the strength in your arms faltering as your face planted onto the seats. the grip firm against your thigh as his tongue and thumb worked together to get your stomach churning – perfect circles with sent shocks up your spine.

“riki–” you gasped, his name a plea and prayer that dissolved into a moan as his free hand slid from your thigh to your hip, his nails digging into the plush of your skin, angling you just to you could take his tongue deeper.

his eyes were shut tight, drinking you in, tasting you as if it was his last meal he’d ever eat, every choked-off cry and moan was music to his ears.

he had pulled back, just enough to speak, voice ragged and breath hot against your soaked skin. “so… fucking good… you taste so delicious, baby.” before you could say anything, he was back on you again. his tongue flat, rough and broad all at once lapping up every bit of your slick before pushing it back inside, deeper than the last, as if he couldn’t get enough.

everything outside the car was a blur, fading into the sensation of his mouth and pressure of his thumb. you could feel your stomach coil, a pressure that you needed to release asap. “riki–! i– i need too–” you gasped, back arching in desperation for more.

“fuck, cum on my face–” he grunted, kissing your clit before delving in for more. his grunts muffled by your puffy pussy. with his words, you felt your stomach let go – walls tightening around the muscle of his tongue and dripping your release onto it.

not once did he let go, his mouth attached to you as if he was made for it. the sensation was almost too much to the point you had to use your hand to push him off your pussy – even then he was reluctant.

“fu–ck riki,” you panted, chest heaving as you yelped at the stinging of cool air against your twitching pussy. “as much as i want you to eat me… fuck, out. i need you in me…” you gasped.

if riki wasn’t hard before, he was certainly harder than ever now. without a word, he had spat against your pussy, watching it glid down to your pulsing hole, his middle and index finger slowly moving in and out, curling to find the spot that would make you cry.

with a few thrusts of his fingers, you let out a whine, one embarrassing even for you. your hands clasped around your mouth as a way to shut yourself up, before riki reached over to pin your hands against your back. “don’t cover your mouth, ‘wanna hear you and how good you take me.”

he pulled out his fingers once he thought you were ready, a whimper escaping your lips at the lose of him – only to shut up at the sound of his tip slapping against his lower abdomen. with a soft gulp, you peaked over your shoulder to look at him – and fuck, he was big.

you could remember how he looked a month ago, but this was even better. the way riki’s body was still toned – maybe even more than last time, that path of hair now slightly thicker, the glimpse of a new tattoo on his side. it was everything you dreamed of.

you pushed your ass backwards, as if to say you were ready, earning a chuckle from the man. “‘yer gonna have to work for it, pretty.” he hummed, taking a seat against the leather, bringing you to straddle his lap.

you let out another whine at his words, work for it? that was ridiculous, atleast thats what your brain thought. your hands went straight to work, stroking the tip of his cock softly before hovering over him, your slick running down your thighs as you felt the thick head enter you.

as you slowly sank down on him, you both let out a sharp moan and groan in unison, your stomach feeling more fuller than ever.

“oh god–” you cried as you felt him poke your cervix, your walls stretching to fit him – his stupidly perfect, big cock that made your head spin. for a moment, you just stayed there, sat there impaled and trembling – every singly throb and twitch of his cock making you moan softly.

his rough hands, oh how you missed them, held your hips steady, not letting you move as he rested his forehead against his shoulder as a low rumble escaped his chest. “so fucking tight… just– sit. let me feel you.”

he was trying his best not to fuck you right there. you unintentionally clenched around him, walls squeezing his cock as a plea. he groaned, hot breath against your clothed shoulder, fingers digging into your skin under the sweater. “that’s it… just like that. show me how much you want it.”

slowly, he began to guide you, his fingers digging into your hips that’ll leave bruises for the next day, lifting you up until it was only the head that remained, before pushing you down on his dick, making your stomach burn.

his eyes were locked to where you were both joined, watching your slick coat him everytime you weakly pushed up and down, a soft foam forming between you two. “that’s it, pretty. work for it – show me you’re mine.” his voice was dark and possessive.

his panting hit your neck before his teeth found your skin, biting against the salt, marking you and claming you with every slow stroke.

a hand slid from your waist, up your stomach, to your breast, his thumb flicking your nipple through your thing bra, a string of moans escaping your lips as you gripped his shoulder, leaving scratch marks with your nails.

“ki–” you whined, hips tired yet still going. you could feel the skin wrap around his cock against your stomach – mind dizzy.

your voice made him growl, his eyes dark with an animalistic intent. before he could control himself, he set himself at a pistoning pace – his thrusts harsh and rough, the tip of his head gliding up your cervix slowly.

“riki–riki–” you gasped, his name a prayer on your tongue as you felt tears prick up in the corner of your eye.

your stomach felt full and heavy, you felt your orgasm slowly leak against his cock, your tits jiggling under one of his hands and the car rocking violently – but you couldn’t care less. neither of you did.

“oh fuck– y/n,” he grunted, his thrusts harsh but sloppy as he felt his orgasm – his chest and balls tightening. “‘m gonna cum in you– fuck, breed you– so you don’t have to come and work here.” he growled, biting your neck and leaving marks.

“pleasepleaseplease–” you gasped, eyes widening as you felt a gush of liquid escape you, soaking riki’s cock and the leather seats under you both. drool leaking from your mouth as you felt him thrust three more times before his hot seed spilled deep into you.

both of your pants filled the car, the smell of sex and fogged up windows harsh evidence of it. before you could think about it, your lips latched onto his, tasting yourself on his tongue. a rough groan vibrated against his chest into yours as you made out with him, his fingers cradled your jaw as he deepened the kiss. it was messy and possessive.

he pulled away with a smirk, eyes heavy. “you liked that,” he breathed against your lips, his thumb brushed your cheek, still damp from earlier and you weren’t sure if it was swear or something else. “could feel you falling apart on my cock.” he rumbled, hooking your underarms softly to pull you off his chub.

“come on, sweetheart. you still gotta make money, yeah? for us.” he hummed, sliding your panties back to normal, watching how the cum slowly leaks through – yet he could care less, nor could you. his fingers ran through your fingers softly, flattening it out to atleast look presentable.

“go get dolled up for me, okay? i’ll watch you from the booth’s, 'cleo'.”

⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀˚　　　✦　　　.　　˚　 . ⠀⠀♪ ˚

Kai fully believed he wasn’t meant for this world, so much so he sometimes thought he must have been an alien.

Kai had always been on the outside of every friend group he had joined, he was either too loud or too quiet, too tall or too short. He played with the toy cars too gently or kicked the football too hard.

Kai was just.. Soft, too soft and too different.

Kai had been born with a life threatening illness, his kidneys were far too underdeveloped for his body meaning he was living on borrowed time. Each day had to be lived as his last. 

School was something he never really got to experience, his body was too small, too meek to even hold up his weight. His hair was always thin, a thick layer of blubber coating him like a seal - a poor attempt to try and protect his brittle bones.

His face was soft, cheeks round and chubby, full of that childhood innocence that parents cooed over when they looked through old photo albums. His tummy wasn’t flat, but it wasn’t big, just soft and pudgy in all the right places.

Kai hated it, he hated being soft, he looked nothing like the other kids in his year group. He was constantly left behind when it came to picking teams in pe yet he was the best at basketball. No one ever bothered to listen to him purely because he was soft. 

But most of all, he hated being sick. He hated having to miss out on each and every event at school, he hated being the one left behind. The boy who still hadn’t had his first kiss even if he was only 10 at the time. Everyone was moving on, and yet Kai was still stuck in place.

Being left out just became.. Normal over the years. Even though Kai hated being soft, there was one good thing about it. It was easier to slip through the cracks and hide. It was easier to become the small blob in the back of the class photo that no one looks at. The person who sits in the spot at the front of the class because no one else wants it. And eventually, people stopped inviting him out, people stopped even looking in Kai’s direction. Not because he was soft, but because they just.. Forgot. They forgot about the shy, sick kid in the back of the class who rarely showed up.

They forgot about the soft boy who’d hang out after class to help the teacher clean up the mess everyone left behind. They forgot about the shy boy who only walked on the right hand side of the corridors so he looked smaller. They forgot about the boy who had been rushed away in ambulance after ambulance after a bad seizure.

Peace came with being forgotten - mean comments subsided as they found other kids to pick on. People who actually cared about their reputation. For people who couldn’t accept that being soft, being someone who could easily blend into the background, had its perks.

Girls always looked in the hallways, stopped and stared at Kai as if he was some sort of zoo animal. They whispered, muttered under their breath, spoke about him as if he wasn’t right in front of them. As if Kai was nothing purely because his cheeks were still slightly plump.

The joy of silence was forgotten, replaced by fear. Fear of who was looking at him as he tugged his hoodie over his stomach or readjusted his sweatpants for the 10th time so they didn’t cling to his thighs. To look invisible.

Boys joined in - some hitting, some yelling, some swearing and some just laughing. Kai didn’t get it, he didn’t get why he was so displeasing to look at. Why his round cheeks made someone giggle or the softness of his stomach or the slight dip on his hips made someone gag.

But most of all, he didn’t understand why everyone hated his soft heart. The way he cared for nature by not littering or helping stray animals on the side of the street.  He didn’t understand why people couldn’t be nice to him, that today could be his last day and he would have spent it trying to be someone's friend.

July 12th 2013, the final year of primary school, the big transition into secondary school. The infamous prom was only a few hours away and Kai had managed to make it into school for the last day. His white shirt was pristine, a handful of colourful pens so people could sign his shirt but no one came. 

His eyes welled with tears, his hand on his animal crossing walking stick wobbling in his palm, his knees buckling under him. “Miss,” Kai’s teary eyes attempt to find his teacher in the room, a wetness spreading across his front.

A sob bubbles in his throat, ever since he was young he couldn’t hold his bladder, even at 11 years old he couldn’t hold it in. His leg twitches, eyes going blurry leaving him unable to look away from the wall. “I-” Kai can’t finish his words before he's on the floor, saliva frothing from the corners of his mouth. His small body convulsing in violent spasms, eyes rolling into the back of his head.

On July 24th 2013, whilst everyone in his primary school was enjoying the final year's prom, Kai was dealing with the worst news of his life. 

Kai Kamal Huening  - declared unfit to leave the hospital until further notice.

The tears never stopped flowing, not 4 hours after, not 4 days after, not even 4 weeks after. He cried every single day, even when he blew the candles out on his 11th birthday cake. Even when he was given the best birthday present - a nintendo ds, he still cried.

The days blurred into one, constantly being poked and prodded by doctors, the sound of machines beeping permanently engraved into his eardrums. Kai had never wanted to be in a classroom more, his textbooks filled his small hospital room - notepads full of everything and anything he could get his hands on. 

The young boy felt as if he had nothing to live for, his youth was slipping from his fingers in real time and all he could do was watch. It wasn’t until Kai met another boy on the same ward on one of his trips around the hospital, an IV bag hooked onto the back of his wheelchair as he strolled the empty halls.

He looked a little older than Kai, neon red hair framing his face as his tongue poked out the corner of his mouth in concentration. His hand shook as he tried to write as neatly as he could, eyebrows furrowed in sadness when he looked down at his scruffy writing.

“Oh,” The red haired boy looks up, noticing Kai in the doorway, the way his brown eyes were full of something similar to acknowledgement, like he had realised he wasn’t the only sick kid in the world.  “Do you want to come in? I need help writing these lyrics.” The boy sighs, pink crayon falling down onto the bed.

Kai nods shyly, wheeling himself into the bedroom and setting up stop next to the boy's bed. He looks up at the sheet of paper, “Why is it in pink? That’s a girly colour.” Kai giggles, looking at the messy mixture of letters on the page and the other boy whines.

“It’s my little brother's favourite colour!” The red head defends, poking his tongue out and blowing a raspberry. “Do you like my lyrics? I really want to be a singer when I’m older!”

Kai giggles again at how silly this red headed boy is, it’s almost as if he had no care in the world that he could die tomorrow. “So what’s wrong with you? Mama says it's my kidneys which are bad,” Kai looks up at Yeonjun, taking the pink crayon to colour in the corner of the paper.

“My lungs produce sticky stuff which means I can’t breathe, cystic fibrosis I think the name is!” The boy scratches his chin as if he has a beard when he tries to think of the name of his disease. “My name's Yeonjun by the way, I love writing songs!” Yeonjun hums, tongue poking out of his mouth as he goes back to try to write neatly.

“Kai - That’s my name, it’s Kai,” The blonde boy stutters over his words, unsure if he was being too much by asking about Yeonjun’s condition but he seemed to not care. He was more interested in putting things on the page than what Kai had to say.

“Can you play any instruments?” Yeonjun turns to Kai with a hopeful glint in his eye, fingers tightening around the crayon. “My twin brother is useless, he won’t learn any instruments to join my band!” A pout tugs on the elder boy's plump lips, his brown eyes squinting slightly,

“I can play a tiny bit of guitar, my papa taught me. But it’s not good.” Kai shrugs, moving his arm so he could colour in a different corner of the lyric sheet. 

“YOU CAN JOIN MY BAND! PLEASE! PLEASE PLEASE! WE NEED TO PROVE WOOYOUNG WRONG!” Yeonjun yells, his tiny hands waving in the air excitedly, the sound of his heart monitor blaring fills the room before he's coughing and spluttering. His oxygen tubes loosen around his head, slipping from his nose.

“YEONJUN!” Kai squeals, standing up on shaky legs all the soft rolls he once had- had melted away months ago when he became bed ridden, leaving him with just a thin layer of skin covering his limbs. His small hands manage to grab the oxygen mask on the side of the bed, putting it over the red haired boy's face so he could actually breathe.

Yeonjun’s hands are flailing, almost as if he’s attempting to push Kai away with one and the other one covers the younger's eyes - like he's trying to protect him from the sight of himself struggling.

A nurse seems to hear the loud beeping, walking into the room before yelling out a colour code Kai hadn’t quite seemed to figure out. “He yelled and then he just- I don’t know I didn’t do anything I promise, I didn’t!” Kai panics, Yeonjun’s hand is still over his eyes, even as he’s being treated, he doesn’t let go.

“Kai,” His voice is weak, his other hand moving to squeeze the younger boys, “I’m okay,” A weak smile pulls itself onto Yeonjun’s lips, barely visible through the clunky oxygen mask and the constant cough he can’t seem to pass. 

A weird looking vest is grabbed, Yeonjun sitting up and letting Kai finally see what’s happening. “Arm’s up Jjun,” The nurse smiles, dopey and big like a bunny. A bowl which is shaped as a sunflower is placed in Yeonjun’s hands as the weird vest is strapped around his chest and plugged in.

“Jjun?” Kai’s voice is meek, his grip on Yeonjun’s hand only tightens when the vest is turned on and it starts to vibrate. Kai hides his face in his hands, a tearful sob coming from his throat at the sight of Yeonjun- of what he had done. 

“Oh little one, I haven’t seen you before around here,” The bunny-like nurse cocks his head, crouching down to pull Kai’s hands away from his face. “Yeonjun has a thing for attracting the other kids on the ward,” Kai only sobs harder at the nurses words, trying to hide away again.

“It’s okay, Jjun told you he had icky lungs didn’t he? His insides have sticky stuff all on them so the vest makes him shake like he’s a bottle and helps get it off his chest. Imagine a Yeonjun soda!”  The nurse explains, his smile adding a little comfort even over the sound of Yeonjun spitting into the bowl. 

“I-I didn’t hurt him?” Kai’s blonde hair falls in front of his eyes, overgrown and in desperate need of a cut. 

“You could never hurt me,” Yeonjun pipes up, wiping his mouth with a piece of tissue, his words are slightly funny sounding due to the vibrations of the vest. Kai can’t help but smile, wiping his eyes with the sleeves of his hoodie. “Yeonjun, why is your hair red?” Kai asks after a few moments, the male nurse is still in the room, checking over somethings but he doesn’t seem to be paying attention to the boys’ conversation. 

Yeonjun’s face softens slightly, he was 2 years older than Kai making him 13 whilst Kai was only just 11. “My mom says that me being happy is permanent whilst the silly colours I dye my hair is temporary. My mom just wants me to be happy in case the angels come and visit me early.” he phrases his sentence carefully, not wanting to scare the younger boy.

Kai nods, a yawn passing his lips as he leans forward, resting his head on the elder’s shoulder. “Do you mind helping Kai to his room, Soobin? I think he’s had a big day and needs some help,” Yeonjun’s words sound so sophisticated and big coming from his mouth, forced to grow up and accept his fate at such a young age.

Soobin flashes his signature bunny smile, nodding, “C’mere little guy, we’ll stop by the cafe and get a hot chocolate hm?”  Kai only whimpers, clinging onto Yeonjun’s arm as if he had known him for years, as if he was his older brother that was protecting him from everything in the world.

Soobin’s smile brightens at the sight, scooping Kai up in his arms and setting him down in his lighting McQueen themed wheelchair ensuring that the belt around his waist is buckled. Kai blinks sleepily, his head tilting back to look at Yeonjun in his bed who gives Kai a small wave.

“Mr. Nurse,” Kai rubs his eyes, “Can we go back to my room to get my penguin plushie please?” his blonde hair covers his brown eyes, thick eyelashes batting to try keep himself awake. 

“You can call me Soobin buddy,” Soobin chuckles, ruffling the messy boy’s messy hair and heading to his room to grab the penguin plushie. Kai only grins when the blue plush is set in his hands, a happy noise rumbling in his throat. 

The two boys take a stroll through the hospital, Kai getting his cocoa whilst Soobin grabs a latte. They end up in the garden, big trees and beautiful flowers lit up the area. “Yeonjun’s the ward's big brother, he’s an older brother to his own brothers and it must just be part of his heart to care for the younger ones,” Soobin sits on a chair next to Kai, ensuring that the breaks are on.

“I like Yeonjun, he has nice hair,” Kai whispers quietly, watching the butterflies float around the garden.

“He does have pretty hair, you should see Wooyoung’s hair,” the nurse chuckles to himself, “He would dye your hair for you, give it a cut, he gives hair cuts to all the kids here,” Kai’s ears perk at the mention of a haircut, giving an eager nod.

“I think I’m going to learn guitar for Yeonjun, to join his band,” Kai sips on his hot chocolate, his fingers tightening on his cup. Soobin nods, standing behind Kai once again to start wheeling him back to his room. 

On the way there, they pass by Yeonjun’s room again, seeing a different boy sitting on his bed. “Taehyun’s moving around again,” Soobin smiles, doing a small pit stop in Yeonjun’s room again.

The brown haired boy had a tube coming from his chest, a small bag resting next to him that connected to the wire which looked like it was in his heart. “I missed Junnie,” Taehyun yawns, his eyes are shut - probably napping on Yeonjun like he always did. 

“Alright kitty, I’ll come back for you in a minute okay?” Soobin smiles, wheeling Kai towards his bedroom. He helps the boy into the bed, tucking him in before changing his dialysis bag to a fresh one. 

“Lunch is in 30 minutes alright?” Kai nods in response to Soobin’s words, watching the nurse pot around his room before the dusty guitar his father had left on his last visit was being placed on his lap. No words are exchanged, only a silent all knowing look between the two.

Kai watches Soobin leave, fingers plucking at the strings in time to whatever pop song was playing on the radio that day. It didn’t take long for him to pick it up, to find the perfect tuning to play each song to, like it was a second nature to him.

Late nights in the hospital became something he looked forward to, sitting in his room with his guitar in his lap to drown out the sound of beeping monitors. The soft smiles nurses gave when they listened to the young boy pick up each song that played on the radio - even going as far to give him requests.

Kai found peace in his guitar, his guitar created a sense of comfort nothing ever had before. It brought him closer to Yeonjun even if he hadn’t seen the boy in days now, he was too invested in learning guitar to impress him. 

Days were more bearable when Kai had his guitar in his lap, the constant flow of music emitting from his room. Days were now spent in Yeonjun’s room, ensuring everyone was at least 5 feet away from him as they played their instruments. 

–

Over the next few years, days were spent alternating between whose room would turn into the makeshift practice room for the day. Kai had learned a lot about the 2 boys after getting close to them.

Taehyun had a damaged heart, it barely worked on its own and he had a special machine which helped it work. He was kind of like Iron Man in Kai’s eyes. Yeonjun had cystic fibrosis, his organs painted in a lethal mucus that limited his days.

Kai felt at home, like he had finally found a place where he belonged because even if his organs didn’t work and he had limited time - he had good people to spend it with. Other people who were living on the same agenda he was, that life was far too precious to spend wasting away.

Guitar was Kai’s passion, his hobby, pouring all of his soul into it whilst Taehyun mastered the piano and Yeonjun wrote most of their lyrics. Yeonjun never wrote his lyrics in anything apart from pink crayon and Taehyun only played piano when he had his lucky yellow socks on. 

“Jun, this sounds so good,” The blonde haired boy squeals, looking at the handwritten copy of the lyrics Yeonjun had composed and had Soobin drop off to the younger boys’ rooms. “Yeah it’s really pretty Junnie, You and Kai are so good on these sorts of things” Taehyun chimes, looking over the simplified guitar chords he was meant to play. This song had no piano, only a few of them did.  (play forwards, reckon, rebound by adrianne lenker!)

“Let’s practice,” Yeonjun sits up in his bed, tapping the bedtable in time with the beat in his head, counting Kai in gently. Kai nods, fingers plucking the strings gently as Taehyun follows his own sheet music. 

Over the dead sea, keeping you company

Yeonjun’s voice is angelic, capturing the raw emotion of the lyrics he had written in a way that made Kai’s heart clench. The guitar strumming changed slightly, higher in pitch as the red head continued to sing, tears pooling in his eyes ever so slightly.

Yeonjun’s mind flooded with memories of each of the younger boys sitting outside of his room when he couldn’t be near anyone in fear of contracting some sort of disease and dying. How the 2 of them kept him company no matter what the time was, they were always there to keep their friend company, even over the dead sea.

Letting my eyes close, shedding my soft clothes.

Taehyun’s fingers stutter on the strings, bowing slightly as he quickly falls back into rhythm. His stomach churns under his skin, the reminder that under all of the fluffy hoodies and oversized sweatpants he wears, he is still sick.

The realisation makes him frown, that one day his heart will lose the battle and he'll have no choice but to let his eyes close and succumb to his biggest fear - dying.

Wind that laughs like a clown

Quick flashes of the boys’ laughing seem to fill the spaces of their minds, memories of how each of them had laughed so hard to the point of wetting themselves. Pulling pranks on the nurses, swapping their puddings with each other because someone got mint chocolate and the other got strawberry.

Stabbing stars through my back

Yeonjun breezes through the lyrics, his voice cracking ever so slightly at the harshness of his own words. The brightness of the stars, of his youth, constantly digging into his soul and filling it with guilt. He was stuck behind the walls of the hospital whilst everyone else lived to their full potential. 

Kai’s eyes were blurry, hands moving off of instinct rather than following the paper, his throat felt tight even after he had cleared it for the 3rd time. His passed academic succession meant nothing, the bright star of a student he used to be when he could go to school, before he got sick.

Taehyn’s promise of becoming something successful had been broken as soon as they found the hole in his heart. When his heart couldn’t pump blood around his body on its own even after multiple attempts of fixing it - it was futile. Without a transplant, Taehyun had mere years left to live.

I have nothing to pray now, nothing to pray now

There was nothing that could be done to save the 3 of them anymore, there was nothing that they could wish for. Not a medicine or special surgery, only a transplant which was extremely unlikely. Life was full of pain and suffering, no way to escape, just the constant thought of wanting it to end.

Infant and innocent 

They were so young, barely experiencing their childhoods which now were being ripped away by the harsh reality of the world. Dealt an unfair hand by the self proclaimed god in the sky, the man who preached equality yet let his word be filled with the opposite. 

How he let these young boys suffer every damn day for what reason? Just because life was unfair? They were so young, Yeonjun was barely 13 and yet here they were, singing their hearts out about how they were so scared of losing everything, watching over the moments of their lives they were actually able to enjoy.

I’m not afraid of you now

Yeonjun was sobbing, fat tears rolling down his cheeks as he sang the lyrics - his voice wet with emotion. Kai’s guitar had gotten rougher, more raw yet his face remained dry. He had become used to hiding his emotions in favour of keeping his family happy when they visited.

Taehyun hadn’t stopped either, his soft sniffles barely audible through his vocals as he harmonised with Yeonjun. The vocals were full of an emotion that no one could quite name, sadness, happiness possibly even defeat. They had accepted their fate, that they’d die as nothing more than 3 sick kids. 

–

“Jjunnie!” Kai’s small body was trembling with excitement, his wheelchair had been collecting dust in the corner of his room ever since he had gained enough strength to finally walk again. 

Even 7 years later, stuck in the same damn hospital room, he was still playing the guitar.

On Kai’s 18th birthday, the other sick kids on the ward had been saving throughout the year to all chip in to buy Kai a new guitar. Yeonjun was the main organiser, he was already 20 yet they never forced him away from the children’s ward, it was where he had grown up - where he belonged.

Kai stood in front of the large table in the cafeteria, most of the hospital staff were crowded around to celebrate the big day. Kai’s parents and family were going to come up over the weekend, leaving his actual birthday to be celebrated with his hospital family.

The other patients cheered, singing loudly and clapping along in time with Yeonjun who demanded that he be the one to sing happy birthday. Yeonjun had taken Kai under his wing like an actual younger brother, like his son that he hadn’t birthed but was destined to care for. 

“My dear Hyuka,” Yeonjun’s brown eyes are full of tears, tears which hadn’t left since their night talk last night, how Kai was no longer a baby but he was still yeonjun’s baby. “You’ve grown, you’ve healed and most of all you’ve gotten almost as handsome as me,” The room bursts into laughter at Yeonjun’s words, how out of pocket he was.

“You sound like you’re 100 Jjun,” the birthday chuckles, straightening out his back as if to try and show everyone that he was standing up, standing on his own for the first time in years. Kai’s eyes moved to the large box shaped present which was resting against the wall, everyone’s eyes seemed to be glued to it.

“You’re always going to be my baby, even when you’re really old and wrinkly. All of us, even Taehyun, helped get you this. Wooyoung put in some extra hours at the cafe,” Yeonjun starts his speech, tears now flowing down his face freely. 

The elder boy had his hair a deep silver colour now, stood 5 feet from everyone else with his oxygen tubes still in his nose, the oxygen tank resting by his feet. Kai cocks his head in confusion, the softness of his cheeks still apparent even if he wasn’t a kid. 

Yeonjun tilts his head towards the box, silently urging him to open the box. Kai nods, walking over in small hesitant steps before ripping off the wrapping paper to a brand new, sleek, stratocaster. 

“OH MY GOD”

Kai couldn’t help but sob, clutching the guitar as if it was Yeonjun since he wasn’t allowed to go near him - not since his condition had gotten worse. Taehyun was crying too, padding over to Kai’s side and hugging him tightly. The boy acted so cold but he was really a soft boy at heart.

“I can’t believe you did this, thank you all so much, thank you, really.”  Kai wipes his eyes with the back of his hands, cradling the guitar to his chest before he moves to sit on the piano stool. A hand rests on his stomach, thumb running over the small scars from his many surgeries.

The room falls silent momentarily before the hospital returns to its normal self. People go back to their rooms, the cake is cut and sent off with the patients. Nurses do routine checks, doctors ordering scans and whatever else was needed to keep the people here alive.

As the day went on, Kai’s smile never left his face, spending the entire day with Yeonjun and Taehyun - Beomgyu even joined later with a pack of pink crayons for Kai to have as a present. 

“I really can’t believe I met you all because you couldn’t find the bathroom,” Yeonjun wheezes, his voice fuzzy from the vibrating vest on his chest. Mucus is spewing from his mouth every few minutes, gagging and spluttering but the other two are immune to it by now. 

“I knew where the bathroom was! I was just looking around,” Kai turns away, cheeks slightly pink from the teasing. He sinks back into the chair he had placed in the corner of Yeonjun’s room when he was 12, exactly 5 feet away from him. 

“Hyuka you still  don’t know where the bathroom is now- you walk back to your room rather than using the one in the lobby because you don’t know where it is!” Taehyun giggles from the chair next to Kai, a fluffy blanket draped around his shoulders. 

“Shut up Tae,” Kai holds his middle finger up in the direction of the older boys, not caring if it was rude. Yeonjun snickers, holding up his arms in defense. “You guys are so mean to me,” the blonde pouts, white hair falling in front of his honey eyes.

Yeonjun coos, “Oh my poor baby Hyuka,” The oxygen machine beeps, followed by the heart monitor as the red head bursts out into laughter again, earning an annoyed roll of the eyes from the youngest of the group. 

– 

The finals had been crushing you, minimal sleep for what seemed like to be nothing. Exam after exam, random questions which you hadn’t ever considered being on the damn paper. The 4 years of med school and infatuation in medicine had gotten you this far, you just could only pray that it could get you to pass these exams.

It had been a tough start, joining med school a year later than everyone else because you had to take a year off to care for family at home. To be someone you never wanted to be at a young age, to watch your mother slowly succumb to the nastiness of organ failure. 

You had watched it first hand, how it started in her liver and spread to her kidneys, her lungs and then finally her heart. Her entire body shutting down day by day all whilst you attempted to get through school like a normal girl would. 

It was in the final year, when everyone else was at prom when you found out your mom had died, when everyone else in your year 6 class was dancing in the hall you were crying in the lobby of the hospital. Your entire life falling apart before you.

It was then, you decided that you’d become a doctor, one that would help the people suffering with terminal illnesses and ensure they had a life worth living. 

The years of med school weren’t easy by any means, seeing just how disgusting people can be when it came to abuse and neglect or how cool the human body was when it came to healing. Things you would have never have considered were possible, even if it meant going out of your way to achieve it.

All those years lead you to here, right here, in front of the hospital where you were to get your results. To see if you passed the exam to secure the spot of becoming an intern in the hospital you had always dreamed of working in. 

You walked in, hair tied into a messy pony tail because you had spent far too long trying to find an outfit which didn’t scream. ‘ I’m so nervous I hope I passed.’ The hospital seemed so scary now, even though you didn’t need treatment, it still held your future. 

“I’m here to grab the results for Y/N L/N,” You rehearse the words in your head for which seem to be the millionth time this minute, walking up to the reception desk only to look away and awkwardly linger by the door again. 

“Can I help?” The receptionist cocks a brow, a feline-like smile spreading across his mouth that makes his eyes completely disappear. 

“I’m here to pick up the results for Y/N Y/N,” You speak clear and loud, so loud you shock both yourself and the poor receptionist. You mumble an apology, looking away sheepishly as he rummages through the letters in the box. 

“There ya go,” He smiles again, his eyes disappearing like the small cat plush he had next to his keyboard. You nod gratefully, hesitantly stepping away to open the results. 

Your hands tremble as you break the seal, eyes screwed shut in anticipation but the words on the page make your eyes blur with tears that you weren’t quite ready for. 

You got the job. The one almost every other med student was chasing after in the area, you got it. 

The sheet quickly became spotted with your tears, the receptionist gave you a look, one which seemed to have every bit of reassurance you could ever need in it. “Oh god,” You chuckle, clearing your throat and tucking the paper into your bag.

The next day would be the first day of your job as an intern in the hospital, working in the sector you had only ever dreamed of being able to work in. And it came far faster than you wanted it to.

The blue scrubs felt a lot more real now you were wearing them to an actual hospital rather than just med school, your hair tied up in a bun to ensure it didn’t get in the way. Your shoes were brand new out the box, just to make sure you wouldn’t end up with any sores throughout the long shift.

You make your way into the main building, getting the elevator up to the inpatient limited life unit, foot anxiously tapping against the ground. You get out the elevator, palms sweaty as you go to the desk and look around. 

You turn your head in the direction of what seems to be a voice, one which sounds rather stern at that fact.

“There’s a new nurse starting today, I want the 3 of you to be on your best behaviour, not hitting the button just to see her face,” The man’s voice is stern, leaving little room to argue, you felt sorry for whoever was on the receiving end of the lecture.. 

“But we want to meet her! That’s not fair-” A slightly younger person began to protest, but something made it die on his tongue before he could finish it. The sound of a pager beeping fills the room that the commotion comes from, an annoyed sigh following it. “I’ll be back soon, make sure you take your medication Tae.” 

A tall man comes out of the room, a soft smile on his lips as he locks eyes with you. “Ah, you must be the new nurse! The intern right? I’m Soobin,” He hastily makes his way over to you, holding his hand out in a welcoming gesture. 

“I’m Y/N,” You nod, shaking his hand back before retreating back to your original spot. An awkward silence fills the space between the two of you before the male nurse hums, grabbing a few charts and dumping them in your hands. 

“Choi Yeonjun. 20. Cystic fibrosis. He’s been here since he was 13, been told every year is his last yet somehow the fella’s still here to talk my ear off every time I take his bloods.” Soobin taps the folder, pointing at a different one this time. “Kang Taehyun. 18. Heart failure. His heart barely works, he relies heavily on his LVAD and has been waiting for a transplant for almost 8 years now.”

“Last but not least, the baby of the ward. Huening Kai. Kai has kidney failure, he’s set to live for another 4 years if he keeps his dialysis going strong. He’s scared of needles, and doesn't talk much.” Soobin speaks the words as if he were talking about his own children because in a way they were.

You nod in response to each of the small introductions to the patients, mentally jotting it all down before you’re thrown into the deep end. “I need blood samples from all three, a urine sample from Kai. Yeonjun needs his vest on, he doesn’t like to be alone when he has it on so you’ll have to stay.” Soobin taps your shoulder, looking towards the rooms of said patients. 

“O-okay,” Your voice is soft, but full of confidence. You tuck the charts under your arm, looking around as Soobin heads off down the hall. “Oh and make sure Taehyun takes his medication. He hates doing it.”

You sigh, nodding at the mention of a patient hating their medication, the classic impossible case that made your life a living hell.

This was going to be hard work. 

- 

“I think we should play our music really loud, I’ve wanted to see a female nurse for such a long time!” Yeonjun whines, his head tilting back in annoyance. “Soobin’s face is annoying to look at, all the time he’s jabbing me with needles and stuff,”

Kai nods in agreement, a constant lack of female presence in his life had left him yearning to find out what it was all about. “Maybe she’s pretty, I want to have my first kiss before I die,” Kai plucks at his guitar, Taehyun letting out a noise of agreement.

“You know you can’t just expect her to kiss you because you’re going to die. You should make a bucket list or something,” Yeonjun’s eyes widened at his own genius idea, the crayon he was using to doodle lyrics down onto the page falling to the floor. 

The sound of knocking on the door made the 3 boys turn their heads in confusion, Soobin wasn’t supposed to come around for another hour or so and none of the other patients liked to hang out with the annoying boys. 

“Come in,” the silver haired man calls out, the other two boys eyebrows furrowing in confusion when an unfamiliar face walks into the room. 

Your hands clutch the small metal tray you had in your grasp, 3 packaged needles, a small tub of medication and a certain look of uncertainty in your eyes.

“You’re not Soobin. I’ve never seen you before,” Taehyun’s boba eyes seem to widen, he drops the sheet music to give your body a full look over. 

“I’m not Soobin, I’m the new intern,” You chuckle awkwardly, feeling the strong gaze of the 3 patients on your body. They all let out a hum, as if they were all sharing a thought. 

“The new nurse?” Yeonjun picks his crayon back up, coughing into the crook of his elbow before smirking.