- maybe next time -

I was down at the beach the other day soaking up the sun and watching all the people and dogs playing on the beach. I watched a group of friends start kicking a ball around on the sand, just laughing and smiling and enjoying each other's company. They saw people they knew walk past and these people immediately dropped their things and joined in kicking the ball around, with utmost joy and living presently. The inner child in me wanted so badly to join in, just let go and have fun. But overwhelming insecurities kept me tied to my seat. I was afraid of being judged, coming across as weird or making a fool of myself. I'm craving connection and making friends, but I feel so held back back fear. Lockdowns have made it so hard to go out and meet new people.

I've made a commitment to myself to push myself further into discomfort and live more in "moments", rather than in fear. I want to start conversations with strangers. I want to learn about people and let the walls down that I have held up to protect me from discomfort. I no longer want to be afraid of what other people think of me, and truly live in joy and happiness.