my own personal form of stigmata

It’s so hard being the worlds first living tragically died too young diva celebrity who is alive and isn’t famous

ok followers, im feeling generous. line up in a straight line & i will start petting you one by one .

I hatched from an egg to be your mutual

they don’t warn you about it but if you love your own company enough to be content by yourself and you’ve got some standards for who you’d date, you’ll spend a lot of time single and nobody will really get why you’re doing that because surely you want to come home and hang out with craig, right? right????? don’t you want to hang out with craig?

Stop Humidity the air is trying to touch me Inappropriately

marriage? you mean the thing they invented to add tension to 19th century novels? you’re doing that in real life?

gotta Google something

ok yeah this is funny

Watching my 60 year old uptight southern white teacher brace herself to say it to a room full of ninth graders is one of those memories that remains crystal clear even years after the fact

eighteen inch nails: i want to fuck you like two animals

about 90% of fanfiction takes place in a utopia where men are thoughtful and unsure of their place in the world

all those posts about being vulnerable are just trying to trick me to come out there so a bird can swoop down & eat me