Non-Conformist

No one to talk to, no one to share with. Double-edged sword that cuts me either way

I can’t even talk to anybody. My friends are my half-friends and my good-friends don’t even care. I actually have no one. I guess I’ll leave this quote here: “Every axiom you’ve based your life on is false and it’s all a delusion. You’re so much better than everyone because you can see through this delusion, but so much worse because you can’t even function “

I am big sad so it calls for big drink. Gastritis or not, I’m getting wrecked. Think I may just stop pursuing relationships for a while. I don’t need all this so back-to-back

I’m pretty sure some people’s default setting is sadness. I don’t like it, but I’m used to it

I started gaining a little weight (I’m 6’2” and I weigh 140 lbs) and my sister commented that my stomach is coming out a bit more. Like, thanks. I wasn’t already self-conscious about weighing more.

I wonder what the friends I made in Colorado are doing right now. I wish the trip wasn’t cancelled because I miss them all quite a lot.

Academia is a joke. It’s a fucking rat-race. How naïve do you have to be to think it’s still based on merit...

Sorry, but I think I might be done with you

So my ex and I connected over David foster Wallace and then talked in the phone for 8 hours last night. Now we’re talking about me buying a plane ticket to California to stay with her for a week. How the hell do i end up in these situations lmao

I’d say I should go back to the mental hospital but it didn’t help in the least. They told me the obvious and kept me isolated because I became enraged with the other patients. I can’t take medication either because it kills my creativity. I’m not even asking for happiness (because it’s an illusion), I just want to be okay.

Love being so fucked up. Everyone else is so happy with their lives and here I am, miserable for no apparent reason. Depression is a 10/10 and I would recommend

I miss having someone waiting for me in my bed

I started so well. Now I’m just...skating by. Why the fuck do I have to be like this