Erotic Melancholia.

▄︻デ══━一 True love is religion. ✦

.°·❦──┈𖤐.┈───┈°.·☽ ꒰♰꒱ ☾·.°┈───┈.𖤐┈──❦·° .

it's so hard, and i am not even ready to move on and i probably wont be but even if i was i wouldn't want to

no contact so hard he unadded me on letterboxed...i only noticed bc i decided to start watching more movies to fill time...i only watched 60 movies (or have them logged there...)

look at my watch list rn! + Antiporno and finishing American Psycho bc i never did...

any recommendations? i like psychosexual stuff, horrors, intense obsessions and interests being an allegory for something else, really pretty stuff that's slightly dark, period dramas from any continent/country/area and taboo things made into significant plot points to illustrate a bigger notion (#pretentious)

.°·❦──┈𖤐.┈───┈°.·☽ ꒰♰꒱ ☾·.°┈───┈.𖤐┈──❦·° .

I have a mixed attachment type, I think it was hard for him to take care of himself while picking up a lot of emotional labor

He was tired, he didn't feel like himself and he felt unloved

I feel very sorry he met that version of me, a version I'm currently working on.

There are obviously things he did wrong too, but I chose to stay spite them because I had enough within myself to feel loved along those things. He did not, and I hope he does someday (not with me but god do I wish it was with me...)

I made a lot of mistakes, in some ways I was a bad girlfriend but in others I don't think he'll ever meet anyone who will love him as firecly as I did, as I still do.

Going off topic but...

Today I'm battling the urge to text him how much I miss him, to let him know I feel so sorry for some things, to show him what I learnt. But, he decided to walk out of my life, the only way he can get the privilege of knowing who I am becoming is by walking back in. I do wish he would, but I do not care if he does rationally speaking, my heart cares very much. He is either meant for me at a different time or he made space for a love that won't hurt me or the other person. But right now, the focus is myself, I want to treat myself how my friends do so I don't settle for a love bellow that. I have a friend I've known for 13 years, one for 8, others for 3-2 and we have never fought. I hope I obtain a livelihood that let's me achieve that while still being fiercly passionate.

i wish he'd text me, i miss hanging out a lot

i miss him

stalking his reposts n he posted "all my homegirls hyping me up but that was my baby fr"

n basically bawling on ghe bus

not to mention the big fat F in math i got because I was too busy crying over him so i cried in class too — hell i told my teacher about him after

and then i come home not even wanting to eat and i say I won't make anything and I'll just get fruit and my grandma says there's croissants for me

and my grandpa doesn't want me to eat any bc I'll get even more fat and he's never ever talked like this to me and it was so weird

i broke down n ran to my room, i wanna text him i miss him but im working really hard on depending on myself and being able to process things on my own

my brother was so sad I cried so hard he came and hugged me n said he loved me which he never does, i kept apologizing bc i got sm tears on him

i really appreciate what he did today because he's very hard to be affectionate with bc he doesn't like it

I appreciate you a lot anon but I still feel very defensive over him...

NPD n BPD can work together if the individuals do enough, while I am hurt he left it was for himself and while Im hurt and some times split and hate him and cry and miss him and have panic attacks I am ultimately glad he feels safe

I hope you feel better soon. ^_^ I'm here if you ever need anything. /nf

my boyfriend idgonan be dwariendd eirh hid ex

andhew isnfs my boyfiendf hewd my ex too

he likes himmorethanme

i miss you so much it makes me sick, it gives me twisted butterflies that torture my insides

having a huge anxiety attack lord help me

can i not overthink for 5s

i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him