WRITING

Wish Upon a Star: Prior to their promotion period beginning, the boys decide to go out to enjoy themselves before their schedules get hectic, only to realize the best way to enjoy themselves is with one another (Set in November 2019)

The Break In: Empyrean has had lots of ideas as to what are good ways to celebrate the end of promotions. It was a first for breaking into an entire company. (Set in Summer of 2020)

Let’s Get Physical: Brother groups Empyrean and Dark Moon often find themselves doing a lot side-by-side, and the latest addition to the list of activities is a volleyball game between the two groups. 

Moonlit Tendencies: Empyrean Moon’s designated practice room in Neostar has been used for a lot of different things, and most recently, it served as the place for a therapy session between members Deoksu and Eunjae

Drunken Heart: Eunjae finds himself drinking on the roof of Empyrean’s dorms, wondering if it was worth keeping up the lie of who he was.

Promising Petals: Yeonjin confronts Eunjae about how he’s been stuck on both the couch and in a terrible mindset for a while, and is determined to help his best friend.

EDITS

Empyrean Moon as Songs:

Deoksu Eunjae Chan Yeonjin

Empyrean Moon as Netflix Shows

Empyrean Moon as AllKpop Headlines

Barbie Edit

Empyrean Moon as Tweets

The Eras of Empyrean Moon

Deoksu Baby Shark Edit

Inside Empyrean’s Groupchat

PROMOTIONS

Salty Kisses: The Fifth Mini-Album

Rather than doing his best to set an example as someone who was older, someone who was meant to be wiser, and someone who was meant to be the best as the group’s leader, it often felt like the reverse was happening. Yeonjin always had an extra eye on all of the members, in ways that Deoksu hadn’t managed to think of. Yeonjin always had discovered a way to comfort his members, in moments that Deoksu hadn’t realized something was wrong.

Yeonjin always had managed to be countless steps ahead of them all, while still managing to walk side by side with them.

It was clear to Deoksu that Yeonjin was someone who had managed to imprint a mark on the former’s life the first time he came running up to him with a smile that would have made the sun quiver with how dim it seemed compared to the brightness in his. Having been the sole trainee prior to Deoksu’s arrival, Yeonjin was quick to both befriend the older in a moment’s notice, and was quick in trying to help him adjust to it all.

Their friendship was born in between late-night runs to the grocery store across the street, eating junk that both of them knew they’d be better off without, all while Yeonjin playfully chastised his seniority in the company over Deoksu. Their friendship grew as Yeonjin’s bold yet caring words brought out parts of Deoksu he had managed to keep hidden from even himself. Their friendship blossomed as Deoksu found himself on countless train rides to Busan to Yeonjin’s family home, promising a friendship that would last beyond their time in the industry.

When their debuts were announced, and it was solidified that they’d be debuting together, things began to change. The news of Deoksu being the leader came as a boulder that only added his previous problems weighing on his shoulders. While Yeonjin’s excitement seemed to devour his being, the aura of happiness never wavering once within him, bits of dread of anxiousness seemed to cover Deoksu head to toe, worry never once leaving his body.

Deoksu couldn’t have been more happy when he debuted.

Deoksu couldn’t have been more anxious when he debuted.

He couldn’t understand how something he looked towards for so many endless days could become a convoluted equation of both happiness and sadness. With everything good that came with his debut, Deoksu found something dark and heavy hovering over it.

A noise of contempt tore Deoksu away from the storm brewing in his mind, looking to his right to see Yeonjin with his eyebrows just slightly furrowed, making him visualize the pout that had become a trademark for times where he seemed deep in thought, behind the mask on his face.

“What’s wrong?”

“You know…” Yeonjin’s voice trailed off just slightly as his eyes moved quickly, taking in the countless stores still open around them, and the people who didn’t seem in the slightest to be heading home. “I just thought it would be different.”

“Different?”

“Yeah, like,” something on the inside of Deoksu frowned instantly when Yeonjin turned to look at him, subtly yet quickly noticing the red hues that had become more evident in the younger’s eyes. “I thought it would feel different being out this late. Like, the city would be something else past the ‘normal’ hours of the day.”

Yeonjin wasn’t the type who preferred going out when it was super late, like it was currently. It wasn’t like the youngest opposed it whenever the group made plans, in fact he was always ready with a smile behind the wheel, ready to take them wherever they pleased. But, if it was up to him, he’d much rather prefer staying up light to watch some movies in the comfort of his own home, or simply sleeping the night away rather than looking up to see the blanket of stars stare right back at him.

“We’re in the same city, buddy.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Last time I mentioned this Chan said we didn’t teleport to Atlantis.” the way he murmured brought a gentle smile to Deoksu’s face, something in his heart pulling at him whenever he could hear the pout in Yeonjin’s voice.

“I like being out at this time.”

The words were not a lie in the slightest, Deoksu did find it more enjoyable to be out of the dorms whenever at this time, but that was simply in comparison to staring at the ceiling wall as the time ticked away. Deoksu liked being out at this time, but he didn’t like being awake at this time, even if he couldn’t change it.

When Deoksu didn’t receive a reply, he turned his head to look at Yeonjin only to be met with staring eyes, a look that the older couldn’t truly figure out painted over Yeonjin’s face.

“Something wrong, bud?”

“I think so.” Yeonjin titled his head as he didn’t break eye-contact with Deoksu, the latter suddenly felt small under his friend’s gaze. Yeonjin had a way with his words and feelings that always stood out against his members.

There was Deoksu himself, who although had difficulties expressing a lot of his thoughts and feelings, was adamant on showing how much he cared through his actions instead. Eunjae, who although often struggled himself, was there to physically comfort his members whenever they weren’t in high spirits, through hugs and never-ending cuddles. Chan had his brazen realistic remarks, never wanting to shower his members with a false sense of security through optimism, and simply wanted to reassure them with the varying prospects of reality.

Yeonjin, himself, was different from the other three. Seemingly never wavering in his mind and heart, Yeonjin was blunter than all three of them. He didn’t have trouble expressing what he was thinking like Deoksu, he didn’t have the hurdles of his own issues like Eunjae, and he didn’t feel the need to pick optimism or pessimism like Chan. Yeonjin had the ability to both put countless amounts of thought into a single sentence, and let it all out as if it was the simplest of things.

He was never afraid of stepping out of a comfort zone in order to address an issue; bold in his approach, yet gentle in his intention.

Yeonjin suddenly broke eye-contact with Deoksu to look away, causing the older’s gaze to follow his line of sight; eyes landing on a small restaurant in the corner of the street, it’s bright lights still welcoming potential customers even in the dead of night.

“Want some?”

The only response Deoksu received was Yeonjin quickly grabbing at the sleeve of his jacket, tugging both the denim and Deoksu towards him as they made their way closer to the store. It only took a second of stepping into the building to be hit with the aroma of countless foods being cooked, and although it was a grand mixture of several meals, the combined smell only made Deoksu’s stomach growl every so softly.

“Reminds me a bit of home.” Yeonjin’s smile was a gentle one, his eyes glazed with reminiscent glow as a worker approached the two of them before Yeonjin’s fingers moved down to grab onto Deoksu’s hand and yanked him along to where the worker seated them.

“How is it that even when the weather is chilly your hands are always so warm?’

“Hey, you’re talking to the member who was voted as the hottest by our fans, don’t act all shocked.” Deoksu was met with a confident grin and eyebrows that danced playfully when they both sat down, making him snort in laughter.

“I don’t know, bud, Chan convinced me that you may have rigged it.”

“This is just blatant discrimination.”

“Based on?’

“You being old: it’s ageism!”

Deoksu shook his head with laughter, knowing he couldn’t compete with Yeonjin’s antics, someone who was confident in getting the last word whenever he desired. “Maybe it’s because you’re practically my little brother, Jinnie.”

“Practically? Just say we’re brothers or you’ll embarrass me whenever I call you mine.” Now that his mask was off, Deoksu had a full view of Yeonjin’s signature pout that always managed to find its way onto his face whenever he was up to no good.

“I don’t know, Daehyeon is kind of territorial when it comes to that.”

“Eh, we didn’t even consider ourselves related until a few years ago.”

“Huh?”

“Oh yeah we, like, just completely avoided each other when we were younger. Looking back, there was definitely more hate than love between us. I could say I didn’t know why, but that’d be kid of a lie. ”

“Oh.” Deoksu tilted his head in a slight sense of shock from hearing about the two brother’s relationship, not knowing how to reply as Yeonjin casually placed a napkin on his lap.

“Yup! So, he doesn’t have a say, which means you’re stuck with me forever!”

“Define forever.”

A gentle kick to Deoksu’s shin made both boys laugh, Yeonjin looking away as he began taking in the interior of the restaurant, letting his eyes linger in different directions as Deoksu simply watched, a warm smile finding its home on his friend’s face. It didn’t happen extremely often, but sometimes the boys found themselves in restaurants similar to this one; small, but welcoming enough to make it a comfortable and inviting atmosphere; quiet, but the chatter from the kitchen making the building always seem alive. In certain moments like these, it was obvious that Yeonjin was missing home. Simple memories of his family’s restaurant become an aroma in the air, and all Yeonjin could do was sit there and take it in.

“Missing your family?”

“Well,” Yeonjin turned his attention back onto Deoksu, the older relieved to see the same smile etched on Yeonjin’s face, not seeing tints of nostalgia looking back at him. “Yes and no.”

“Both?”

“Yeah.”

“Want to elaborate on that, buddy?”

“Huh, thought it’d be obvious. You know for the oldest, you kind of pick up slowly.”

“I think this is actual ageism.”

Yeonjin let out the softest giggles as watched Deoksu’s eyebrows furrow in thought. “I miss them everyday, they’re my family, I feel like it’d be impossible for me not to. I know what we signed up for when we decided to become idols, so it wasn’t like I didn’t know that I wouldn’t see them as much, but it doesn’t make me miss them any less. But I also have my family here. With you guys. So, yeah, I do miss them a lot, but funny enough when I’m with them, I end up missing you guys.”

“That’s...” Deoksu was lost for words at Yeonjin’s confession. A part of him suddenly felt his body heat up, a certain sense of helplessness flourished throughout Deoksu all at once. A feeling of jealousy pricked at his insides; Yeonjin’s confessions always came out as simply and gently as if he was commenting on the weather of the day, no matter how weighted or important his words were, it came with an air of ease that Deoksu could never perfect. Most of the time, Deoksu was struggling to figure out how he felt internally, before even thinking of trying to express that externally.

“That’s why we’re here tonight.”

Deoksu’s confusion must’ve been evident in the way Yeonjin stared at him with the most gentle smile on his face, something akin to how people look at young kids.

“What’s up with you, Deoksu? You’ve been...off, recently.”

“Off?”

Yeonjin let a moment of silence slip past them, as if he was slightly contemplating the extent to which he was comfortable crossing with Deoksu tonight. “You haven’t been doing the best recently, and maybe it’s not super obvious but it’s not super hard to pick up on either.”

“I’m...still lost?”

“You’ve been sleeping a lot less than usual, Your meals have been getting smaller, and that’s when you decide to eat with us. You’ve been in the practice room every chance you get to the point where we only see you in the dorms when you absolutely need it...you’re just...you’re not yourself these days Deoksu.”

This time it was Deoksu who let the silence return, embracing it as he simply stared at Yeonjin who didn’t hesitate to stare right back. The elder would’ve lied if he said he wasn’t aware he had been making small changes here and there, even if it wasn’t entirely voluntarily, but he hadn’t thought it had been big enough for anyone to notice.

At times Deoksu himself didn’t realize what he was doing, how could he have expected that his members would?

“I’m fine, Yeonjin, it’s nothing serious.”

“Sure,” Yeonjin raised a brow when Deoksu opened his mouth to try and cut him off, silencing his friend with just a look, “Maybe it really is nothing serious. Maybe it’s something extremely minor, but that’s not what I’m talking about.”

“So what are you talking about?”

“It could be the smallest problem, or it could be the biggest crisis in your life. I’m still going to be concerned for you, Deoksu.”

“But I didn’t ask for that.” Deoksu’s annoyance had become evident in his voice, but it wasn’t pointed at his friend. He was annoyed with himself. This conversation should be happening the other way around: he should be the one comforting his members. He should be the one looking after them, realizing ways they may change their smallest of habits. Deoksu should’ve been painting an image as a leader that they could all come to him with their problems, not illustrating a call for help.

“And you don’t have to. Neither does Chan or Eunjae. I love you guys, if something’s wrong I want to be able to help if I can.”

Both boys stared at each other, neither backing down from their respective stances, before a worker came to ask them for their orders. Deoksu let Yeonjin take over, watching as he seamlessly put on a charming smile before asking what their specials were, and what the worker himself would recommend.

Deoksu was torn. Maybe this was an opportunity where Deoksu could finally come clean about all the worries and issues he had grown a collection of since their debut. Maybe this was a chance where Deoksu could finally feel like he was just another person, and not a well of problems that walked around. He didn’t know if it was right to load his burdens onto someone else, in general, aside from the fact that he was his group’s leader.

Yeonjin gave one more smile to the waiter, thanking him before turning to Deoksu and opening his mouth ready to speak his mind once more.

“I don’t think I want to be the leader anymore.”

Deoksu didn’t know what to expect when the words slipped out of him like a rushed confession. A part of him imagined a weight lifting off his shoulders; freeing him from the feeling of being dragged down. Another part of him thought he would feel the rush of relief for letting go of something that had managed to pull him down for so long.

But he felt none of that. Deoksu didn’t feel like the weight was off his shoulders, because it wasn’t. He was still the leader. He was still giving a home to such destructive thoughts and harmful decisions. Deoksu couldn’t be relieved because it wasn’t just about being a leader. It was about everything in his life, and that meant Empyrean too.

Everything Deoksu was desperately trying to overcome and hide in his past, found its way to the present: brighter and louder than before.

When he finally looked towards Yeonjin, all he saw was the younger’s head ever so slightly tilted, with his brows raised up in the tiniest bit of shock at the revelation. “Why?”

“Because...Yeonjin, I don’t think being a lea-”

“No. Why did you think you couldn’t tell us this?”

Out of everything Deoksu had expected or imagined, that question was something that never crossed his mind. Maybe it was intertwined with the fact that Deoksu never expected someone to care for his own desires and wants. It was always the other way around.

“I...I don’t know.”

“Deoksu.” Yeonjin’s voice had been tinged with both concern and sincerity, letting a warm feeling emit from his words. “I’m sure there’s a reason why you didn’t want to tell us, but I’m not going to pry that from you, ok?”

“Why do you care?” Deoksu’s face flushed with embarrassment at how harsh his tone was, his lips parting to form an apology that didn’t come. Why did Yeonjin care? Why did Yeonjin care in a way that nobody else in his life did before? Never ever since him.

“Because, Deoksu, before you’re my leader you’re my friend. Just because you’re our leader doesn’t mean you aren’t supposed to lean on us; that you aren’t supposed to come to us as friends. Your problems are just as much our problems, like how you’ve said our problems are yours. Your position in the group doesn’t overtake the friendship we all have. That’s why I care.”

When the silence threatened to invade their space once again, Yeonjin moved his hands across the table, reaching out to grab Deoksu’s comfortingly. Deoksu, who was at a loss of words of how this conversation carried, simply sat there in slight awe while clutching onto his friend’s hands tightly.

“If you decide that you don’t like or don’t want to be our leader anymore, that doesn’t change anything between us. You’re still our member; Deoksu, you’re still our friend.”

“I…” Deoksu didn’t know what to say. Out of everything that could’ve happened when he confessed his thoughts, a supportive reaction like this wasn’t something he was imagining. It’s not something he was used to growing up. “It’s just been so hard. I’ve always had doubts and worries since even before our debut. But it feels like it’s gotten to the point where it’s unbearable to keep up with them, y’know? I’ve always been scared that no matter what I do, I’ll find a way to mess it up, and being like this just...it’s not helping.”

“That’s ok. I mean, it’s not ok that you’ve been keeping it all to yourself for so long, but it’s ok to feel like everything’s not ok. You have to let us help you, the same way you’d help us, ok? I’ll go with you to Taehui’s office this week, and I’ll do all the talking with Eunjae and Chan if you need me to. I’m here for you, Deoksu, I’ll always be wherever you need me to be. Because I love Park Deoksu, my friend, before I love Deoksu, the leader.”

Though the words were a sense of comfort Deoksu had longed to feel for countless days, and it reached his heart in a way he knew was only possible if it was nothing but the truth, he couldn’t help but feel the pit inside of him hurt just a bit more, glow just a bit darker, and weigh just a bit heavier.

Deoksu’s worries had bloomed from his position as leader, yes. But the words he spoke tonight had stemmed from his position in the group, altogether. With roots buried deep within him due to events in the past, it seemed like it was only now that the flower inside of him was growing to an extent he couldn’t care for any longer. It was blossoming, while he was withering. Deoksu’s mind was a garden of invasive thoughts that blocked the sun for every other seed.

Debuting as an idol had been Deoksu’s dream for countless years. Yet now, it felt like every wrong action, every misguided step could lead to neverending nightmares. And it wasn’t just about being an idol. Deoksu felt like every step in his life in general was so close to creating a path of hurt.

Deep within himself, he knew where the problems began and he knew he had to confront them in order to overcome this feeling. But he didn’t know if he had it within him to walk the path back to the start and change everything bit by bit.

Deoksu had always given. He gave everything inside him and more, without any expectations of receiving anything back. In the past few years, Deoksu had been running out of parts of himself to give, leaving himself with a vast emptiness whose threat grew as he lost more of himself.