inspired from rockstar’s grand theft auto v. as always, some triggering content may be present! change any pronouns to better suit your muse(s) needs!

please don’t kill me, okay?

back from the dead, motherfucker!

why do you care?

anything for you, sweetheart.

who the fuck is this?

it’s time you grow the fuck up.

anybody can make a mistake.

i’ve got nothing against you apart from the obvious hygiene issues.

so, we ready to go on this?

now go. i need to meditate. or masturbate. or both.

perhaps now you wanna kill me.

how about this? i’ll tell you a story if you promise never to speak again.

this country has bigger things to worry about.

i’m rich, i’m miserable—i’m pretty average for this town.

i ain’t been nothing but straight and true with you.

you know, i’ve been in this game for a lot of years and i got out alive.

yeah, well don’t get all serious, okay?

i can’t quite describe it, but i’ll know it when i see it.

trust me, you do not wanna carpool with me.

i’m sorry, i thought you knew.

i’ve made my point. i’m not a sadist.

come on back, have a beer or something.

then we can get back to the kind of capitalism we practice.

that must feel good.

so… when are they kicking you out?

i’m not gonna ask you again!

wow, that’s a real mind fuck.

what the fuck is wrong with the west coast?

i heard lot’s of banging and screaming, but not the nice kind.

you know, i’m beginning to think that’s exactly what you wanna do.

i still hate myself. but at least i know the words for it now.

work for me, you’ll have everything you’ve ever wanted.

ah, fuck you.

now would you get me a fucking drink?

i hate hipsters.

i worked hard to be taken seriously as a woman in a man’s world.

you look like you struggle with simple tasks.

you forget a thousand things every day, pal. make sure this is one of ‘em.

well, i’m sorry.

well luckily i don’t give a shit what you like.

so we are clear, you look like a tit.

are we nearly there yet?

just think of all the angry revenge sex!

get me a fucking lighter.

you’re not even being fair.

man, fuck you. i’ll see you at work.

thank fuck i’m high as a kite.

you look ridiculous in that uniform.

i’d love for a dashing billionaire to buy me diamonds and piss on me!

i don’t know what you’re talking about.

mine ain’t nothing special, but this boy gets the job done.

what’s the source of conflict this time?

i’ve got a tv show. i’m gonna be famous.

if that’s our standard for goodness… then no wonder this country’s screwed.

forgive me, you ignorant fuck, but sarcasm is all i’ve fucking got!

please, don’t turn me into anything.

fuck you! you wanna fucking die?

you can jerk me off if i get bored.

those bastards love to sell drugs.

you can’t smoke here.

i’m cranked out on speed most of the time, but i am productivity personified.

well now that’s an admission of guilt if i ever saw one.

i heard you were off smoking meth somewhere.

oh, we can do more than talk, my friend.

i think you need a new therapist, and i’m leaving town.

go watch your linear entertainment. go watch porn. just go away.

i’m honest, alright? you’re the hypocrite.

oh, yeah, you’re a fucking hero. so far above it all.

classic hipster denial.

man, i’m high as shit!

you keep this up, you’re not gonna get there at all.

i’m a fat old fuck with a horrible family and even worse friends.

i’m about ready to turn you into roadkill!

i mean, i admit i’m a bad piece of work.

hey, let’s bounce.

that wide-eyed idiot was mine!

my life may be a world of pain, but from here on out it’s gonna be cool, comfortable, air-conditioned pain.

your hostility is really depressing.

surviving is winning, everything else is bullshit.

you are the craziest fucking chick i’ve ever met! i love you!

not bad for a fat old fuck.

is that sarcasm?

you made a bit of money, and you became a turd.

now to keep a low profile and get on with our lives.

what the f-word are you doing here?

that makes you doubly dumb.

you tell me exactly what you want, and i will very carefully explain to you why it cannot be.

you just made this real easy for me.

i really like watching people die…

self hatred. common hipster affliction.

i’d rather suck cock than smoke weed, and i’ve done both.

don’t ask too many fucking questions.

i need someone like you in my organization.

did someone say yoga?

me, i’m not rational.

you get what you give.

you sure accomplished a lot today.

ah, it’s insured. don’t be a dick.

here, can we just get a quick photo together?

fuck, you lazy shit.

come back, we’ll order pizza.

maybe if you got rid of that old yee-yee ass haircut you got you’d get some bitches on your dick.

jesus, your therapist has a lot to answer for.

you’re talking bullshit.

it’s a lonely old road, ain’t it?

you’re gonna whack me? huh? me?

how about you suck my cock?

i hope he believes in an after-life.

oh, by the way, that’s entirely your fault.

don’t you ever not tell me things i wanna know!

i spend a lot of time with fucking people i don’t like, alright?

your operation causes problems for me.

that fuck is a lying bastard.

a road’s a road. it ain’t got abandonment issues.

i’m getting too old for this nonsense.

what kinda fucking animal do you take me for?

the truth ain’t what i’m interested in.

listen, i’m still feeling a little keyed up.

that’s the kind of creativity i need on my team.

i could use a restroom break.

please don’t make me ruin all the great work your plastic surgeons have been doing!

you fucking judas! you’re just like him!

i’m not above ripping open your fucking chest to see what’s replaced your heart!

you’re all the same. ignorant fools trying to protect something that’s not even there.

i’ll swing by and sign the contracts, alright? just ignore the bodies!

yeah, i’ll show you a fucking mind fuck.

i abhor hipsters. i eat them for fun!

you can’t fucking hustle a hustler!

i am calm. but i’m also angry! that is a duality.

are you some kind of pure, morally justifiable asshole?

if you want my advice—give the shit up.

hold on to your pointed hats, we’re taking the scenic route.

i’m very, very angry, and i want this conversation to stop right away.

we’re corrupt in a good way.

fuck, let’s just go, alright.

alright… the fuck is this bullshit?

you owe my family a great debt.

this is only seven dollars…

the fact is… i’m in love with you.

what, do i have a choice?

you’re a hipster.

in this instance, when he puts it like that, it makes sense.

yeah, fuck you, you high and mighty weasel!

they’re not my friends.

does that mean i don’t have to go to therapy?

hey, whose dick you have to suck to get this job?

this is where dead men come back to life.

i’m gonna ask politely that you show my wife a little respect.

all i’ve ever wanted is to watch you drift in and out of consciousness as you’re slowly disemboweled.

alright. i’m happy, you’re miserable.

did you kill him?

who are these clowns?

i asked for a fair day’s pay for a fair day’s work.

i’m gonna ask you one time. nicely…

why do i give a fuck?

you whine too much.

i was hoping we could talk.

disrespectful little asshole!

i don’t agree with what you’re saying.

why do people that quit doing stuff always have to tell everyone else?

hipsters love saying they hate hipsters.

i did kidnap his wife.

you were my best friend.

well, at least you got paid.

guess who’s coming to shit on your doorstep, you fuck!

it’s not my fault!

bring me my coffee or i’m gonna cut your arm off.

uh, best not to think too closely about what i just said.

you don’t scare me.

what a shit show.

question my questions again, i’ll slit your throat and let you gurgle the answers.

you make me want a lobotomy!

nice new tits, by the way.

i’ve gotta cozy up to him, calm him down.

you’re a whackjob.

it sounds shady. i don’t like it.

i admit, i kinda got a little angry too.

you scare the shit out of me sometimes.

i don’t know if you heard, but i’m kind of gold rich right now

hey, darling, why don’t you go get yourself something nice?

you wanna be a greedy fucking cow? huh?

you seem like you are in prison.

do you want me to get my dick out again?

and they lived happily ever after?

i’ll have to fucking remember that one.

you’re like every other asshole.

we need to talk face to face.

i told you, i ain’t a good role model. period.

you like that, huh?

we’re gonna need a crew.

i’m supposed to be on a magazine cover next week.

there was always something wrong with you.

i’ll fill your pockets with money and all you gotta do is take a little vacation.

you always criticize guys for looking at porno. this is different. this is erotic literature.