A million little pieces, I've stolen from you

I don’t come on here often anymore but sometimes I just need somewhere to let my thoughts out. I have just been feeling so alone since Chris has left my life. And I truly know it’s for the best.. I have never loved someone so intensely but simultaneously hated someone so intensely. For the way he treated me and the emotional abuse I was out through (don’t even get me started on the physical abuse). I just don’t understand how I can feel so lonely and let it effect my daily mood SO much when there is so much positive in other aspects of my life. It’s almost as if I wasn’t coddled or loved as much as a child because I crave so much to be loved and cared for .. but that’s not the case. It’s just so bizarre why I need someone else’s love to make me feel whole when there is so much other stuff to be grateful for and so much other stuff to make me whole. I just will never understand what caused me to always feel the need for validation. I need to validate myself.