Trans Realness

Whining about transwomen. Ugh. Will TERFs ever not whine?

I ask why, as a transwoman born with debilitating dysphoria, you use the term “woman parts.” I don’t know what the fuck that means. I honestly chuckled reading that shit. Sorry you benefit from going along with the arbitrary lie you were fed since birth that your vagina defines your gender identity. But I can assure you, upside-down girl, a large, veiny schlong can still be “woman parts” if it indeed belongs to a woman. But lol whatever.

Honestly I’m not angry with you. Not because I have any fucks to give about your plight as a pouty little brat, but because I don’t. You’re not worth the spoons to get mad at. You are worth mockery though, which I shall do swiftly and without regret.

You make quite a few assumptions regarding transwomanhood. You do realize that most of us won’t get surgery, right? It’s expensive, not covered by insurance, painful, risky, and can often lead to a lifetime of follow-up surgeries. Why do you jump immediately to the conclusion that our genitals are what define our womanhood? Probably because you’re still married to the privilege that comes with being a ciswoman in love with her vagina.

I want to be clear that being in love with your vagina is far from a problem in my book. It’s a beautiful thing to be proud of something that has been used against you for centuries, something that has been shamed, abused, mutilated, something that made you a target for violence. Ciswomen are still regularly discriminated against both interpersonally and systematically, and of course their arbitrarily gendered genitalia play a factor into this. I have no issue with you caring about yourself and the rights of ciswomen. But I have a few questions for your ass:

What makes you think that transwomen aren’t constantly bombarded with dick pics and flashers? What makes you think that I, as a transwoman, cannot be a rape survivor as well? Because let me tell you, I fucking am. I am a repeated rape survivor. Why are you always pointing to one of two transwomen in the public eye as an end all example of our “privilege,” when she represents a very small sample size of privileged and problematic transwomen? Why do you think that all of us give a shit if you have genital preferences, that somehow we don’t already know that our reproductive systems are different than yours and somehow transmens’ similar systems to yours are null and void because these are “woman parts?” What makes you think that a transwoman’s inability to have biological children is a lesser experience than a ciswoman’s? Like, what the hell makes you legitimately posit this? What makes you think that transwomens’ oppression is a newer thing than that of ciswomens’? What makes you think that we don’t experience scrutiny and emotional abuse based on our bodies to an equal or perhaps even greater extent than you? What makes you think that the way we behave isn’t also conditioned early on to ensure we never escalate situations with men, that we don’t carry weapons and text friends, that we don’t fear both rape and murder, that men who rape or murder us will somehow be rightfully convicted but yours won’t? What makes you think that some of us never presented naturally femme even before transition, and even with the privilege of being cispassing come unique challenges and fears? Fears of being sexually assaulted then “found out” and thusly beaten and/or murdered. Fears of simply minding your own business sans makeup, your ass grabbed on the train, another man coming to your aid, then infuriated once he figures out that you’re “not a real woman” because he sees five o’ clock shadow (a personal experience of mine).

Why do you think transwomen minding their own business in changing rooms is the same thing as being “forced to see a penis?” Why do you think we were ever equal to a man even when we were being raised as “boys?” Why is somehow your language more important than our lives and well-being? Why is “oppressive language” the same to you coming from transwomen as it is from men? How is our fight for our lives oppressive to your ass?

I’m sorry some transwomen sent you meanie pants messages. I wouldn’t personally send something like that to you, as threats are not in my vocabulary. But did you ever sit and think, hmm, maybe there is a legitimate reason why they’re reacting this way? Ever stop and think “Hmm. Maybe I’m crying cistears and doing everything in my power to silence and diminish the experiences of transwomen, experiences I obviously don’t know jack shit about based on the trash article I wrote for Medium?”

I agree, your birth control and abortion rights are important. But I’ll admit that your toplessness is not a particularly urgent issue to me, and this is coming from a transwoman who developed breasts at a young age. On paper, yeah, your rights to openly displaying your breasts are valid, but some of us have bigger worries than you trying to make everyone look at your boobies. That’s a nice problem to have, sweetie. Ask any woman of color, specifically black women. They have bigger worries than you. They face bigger adversity and marginalization than you. And these include ciswomen.

Why do you assume our bodies aren’t hypersexualized and catcalled every fucking day, that we don’t have to conform even more intensely to mens’ standards?  That if we don’t shave carefully and wear heaping loads of makeup our lives won’t be in more danger than you could ever fathom? We’ve lost 13 transwomen so far this year to anti-trans violence. These were all transwomen of color, most of whom were black transwomen. You yourself acknowledge that we’re a small percent of the population, and yet so many of us are dying.

Why do you gloss over the intensified violence we face? Once again I ask, why do you insist that our surgeries are what define us? Why are you so obsessed with our surgeries?

I can answer all of these questions for you: you don’t see us as women, or even as people. You want us gone, you want us silenced, you want us to appeal to your comfywumfyness. As self-aggrandizing as it is to quote my own work, I wrote a song that deals with shits like you. The hook goes as such:

“What you see is everlasting

I ain’t going nowhere,

I’m staying right here.

What you see is everlasting

I ain’t going nowhere,

I’m staying right here.

Your comfort doesn’t matter to me if my well-being doesn’t matter to you. Why can’t you get that thru ur head, thru ur head?

Your comfort doesn’t matter to me if my well-being doesn’t matter to you. Why can’t you get that thru ur head, thru ur head?”