ableism aint cute

Books and things to read:

Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations by Dr. Elinor Greenburg - Aimed at providers but apparently super great for self-help too

How Do You Develop Whole Object Relations as an Adult? by Dr. Elinor Greenburg - Tips on how to stop seeing yourself and other people as only either all-good or all-bad

10 Stages in the Treatment of Narcissistic Disorders by Dr. Elinor Greenburg - Goes through the stages of treating NPD

Rethinking Narcissism by Dr. Craig Malkin - A book about promoting healthy narcissism instead of unhealthy narcissism

Antisocial, Borderline, Narcissistic and Histrionic Workbook: Treatment Strategies for Cluster B Personality Disorders by Dr. Daniel Fox - what it says on the tin. May be best done guided by a therapist

Shame in patients with narcissistic personality disorder PDF - What it says on the tin.

Narcissus and the Daffodils - an essay about NPD by someone with NPD. Probably the best description I’ve ever seen

Things to watch and listen to:

Recovery FOR the Narcissist by Dr. Eric Perry - A compassionate podcast to provide insight, support, and encouragement to anyone who exhibits narcissistic tendencies. Very in-depth

Early Morning Barking - A YouTube channel by someone with BPD and NPD about coping with and educating people on BPD and NPD. He also has a Recovery from NPD by Dr. Todd Grande - A video about this provider’s experience with helping people recover from NPD

Misc:

Narcissism Self Help Therapy website - A daily program for people with NPD (may have some triggering aspects in Part 2 of the program)

NPD Safe carrd resources - More resources for NPD (I have not gone through all of these so I don’t know how good they are)

The psychiatrist who wrote the criteria for narcissism just made an extremely important point about what’s wrong with diagnosing Trump with mental disorders

I personally myself don't believe a feeling or disorder can be abusive. Like how you're for empath abuse, however I understand what your account is about (or at least I believe I understand it, if it's for the people who claim to be 'empaths' but are so incredibly shitty).

Either way that's getting off topic. I swear that some people are DEFINITELY leaning to cultist like???? They just seem crazy honestly, narc abuse believers have absolutely NO logic behind it. Their only argument is always "well I was abused by [x person]" and label said person a narcissist only because they're an abuser, which haha. Isn't how our disorder works!! They're mostly just too ignorant I'd say, they're people who are hurt from trauma and that's fine, but they let that be an excuse for acting shitty and are, in turn, not much better than what their abuser was to them. They give abusers an excuse and stigmatize the disorder in the process which then leads to, 1. People struggling for a diagnosis, 2. Abusers or ex-abusers furthermore will avoid NPD all together when acknowledging that could be beneficial (even active abusers are able to notice they have issues), 3. Society outcasts people with said disorder. And MORE! then they complain about people not seeking help??? Like buddy, we can't seek help because of YOU. Because you demonized us so fucking much!

Seriously.

Parents often make the mistake of dismissing their child’s self harm as “attention seeking” when it’s otherwise.

But what always gets me is that, even if a child is harming themselves solely to get attention, that is a huge problem they need help for!

If a person has to go as far as to cause physical harm to themselves in order to gain what they feel as the proper amount of attention, that is someone who needs help ASAP.

No matter the form, no matter the severity, no matter the reason, self harm is a sign of severe distress that deserves immediate, intense attention.

systems with cluster a disorders, you are lovely and worthy of respect regardless of what people think about your "strange" behaviors! you will find a place to fit in and people who will care about you. you're not inherently weird because normal doesn't exist.

systems with cluster b disorders, you are amazing and worthy of kindness regardless of the demonization you face daily! you deserve and will find love, care, and attention just the same as everyone else does. your disorder does not make you an evil person or an abuser by default.

systems with cluster c disorders, you are brilliant and you deserve to feel safe in a world that is often quite terrifying to exist in. you make the world better just by being in it and no matter what anyone or your mind tells you, there is comfort and safety out there to be found.

90% of the time these people ABSOLUTELY preface first that your abuse wasnt okay and when they start talking about how you shouldnt blame a trauma based disorder for the abuse your abuser did you start freaking out. do you realize how pathetic it is to completely ignore when these people say it isnt okay to demonize a disorder people obviously dont choose to have.

So, in the name of clearing things up, here's what it ACTUALLY means and doesn't mean when someone says they support xyz disorder

It does NOT mean:

-Being fine with or supporting harmful actions anyone with the disorder does/ excusing it because of their disorder

-Dismissing the abuse or other harm anyone with the disorder has caused/ believing that all people with it are innocent and anyone talking about being hurt by someone with it is lying

-Being okay with the romanticization/glorification of or romanticizing/glorifying the disorder

-The person defending people with the disorder has it themselves. Just because YOU would not defend a group when their issues don't affect you doesn't mean no one will.

-Believing everyone with the disorder "deserves a second chance" or "can and will get better" including after they have harmed others (and therefore deserve no backlash for their actions), because of their disorder- generally when people say they support people with other disorders it's not assumed they believe this is true, as everyone with a disorder are different individuals and not all of them want to be helped, and disorders don't excuse hurting people, why would that change for these?

What it DOES mean:

-Believing all people deserve access to treatment for their disorder and to be able to get help for it without getting backlash for that

-Believing the disorder as a whole does not deserve to be stigmatized as it makes it less likely people with it will seek help or be willing to be open about their disorder with anyone, and therefore will not learn to cope with potentially harmful symptoms, making it more likely they will hurt themselves or others

-Believing the disorder as a whole should not be associated with or equated with horrible groups of people such as abusers, predators, rapists, serial killers, etc.

-Believing the disorder deserves to have easily accessible and accurate resources on it so those who cannot go to therapy for one reason or another, or who are questioning having the disorder, have things for them that will be helpful

-Believing people with the disorder deserve support and support groups to help them through their journey and healing just like anyone with any other disorder

-OCD is not a synonym for neat or preoccupied with tidiness. Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder is all about distressing intrusive thoughts and rituals (compulsions) used to combat those thoughts.

-Intrusive thoughts are not synonymous with silly things I want to do. They're deeply upsetting, often taboo mental apparitions. Letting them win is the last thing anyone wants, and nobody is immoral for having them. (See 'impulsive thoughts' if you need a term.)

-Anorexic is not a synonym for thin or emaciated. The majority of anorexic people have OSFED atypical anorexia – that is, their BMI is above 18.5. You cannot judge the severity of someone's illness by their appearance. (If you're worried about someone, look out more for rapid weight loss than thinness, even when it's occurring in someone in a larger body. 10kg in 10 weeks is never a good thing.)

-Eating disorders are not synonymous with just anorexia and bulimia. Anorexia is an ED, but it's nowhere near the most common. Bulimia is an ED, but again, not the most common. Together, they do not constitute the most common. The most common ED is binge-eating disorder, and the second most common is atypical anorexia, which is one of many, many OSFED categories. Those living with ARFID, pica, night-eating syndrome, rumination disorder, subthreshold BN, subthreshold BED, and orthorexia all deserve dignity, compassion, and acknowledgement. Remember: EDs are not necessarily thin, and never glamorous.

-Schizophrenic is not a synonym of all over the place, abnormal, unpredictable, dangerous, or crazy. Nor is schizoid or schizotypal. Folks with schizophrenia spectrum disorders live with hallucinations, delusions, disorganised thoughts/behaviour, and/or catatonia. They are far more likely to be victims of violence than perpetrators, and go to huge lengths to act okay even when distressed by symptoms.

-Schizophrenic is also not a synonym of multiple personalities/volatile. For the disorder involving having different facets of personality that are generally unaware of each other, see Dissociative Identity Disorder, and even then, don't assume it's a) dramatic as it is in the movies; b) evil; or c) trivial. DID is a trauma disorder.

Advice

Creating and Enforcing Boundaries

Embracing Your Inner Child

Grounding Techniques

How to Listen to Someone Talk About Their Trauma

How to Talk to a Loved One About Your Trauma

Importance of Validating Your Feelings

Making a Self-Care Box

Navigating Sex After Trauma

Navigating Traumaversaries

Tips and Questions for Finding a Therapist

Trauma Around the Holidays

DBT Skills (More coming soon)

Pros & Cons

Urge Surfing

Wise Mind

Informative

Are They Trying to Manipulate Me?

Forgiveness and Healing

Grooming in Adult Relationships

Hypersexuality and Sex Repulsion

Parentification Trauma

Trauma Bonding

Trauma Imposter Syndrome

Triggers

Self-harm

The Validity of Anger in Your Healing Journey

Victim Blaming

Was it Bad Enough?

When a Third Party Is Used to Get Around Your Boundaries

Who You Were Before Trauma

Why Childhood Abuse is Never Your Fault

Why Do I Love and/or Miss My Abuser?

Why People Stay in Abusive Relationships

Why Survivors May Delay Reporting or Don’t Report At All