Well I'm here now I guess

those two scottish cunts are mad for walking 500 miles and then 500 more but when you think about how much an uber costs they start talking sense

stop thinking with your dick and start thinking with your pussy. ok now stop thinking with your pussy and start thinking with your dick again. meditate on the differences between them. call me back when you get it.

“I’m gay” “I’m straight” ok?? i am the very model of a modern major general?? i’ve information vegetable, animal, and mineral?? i know the kings of england, and i quote the fights historical?? from marathon to waterloo in order categorical??

It occurs to me that some people might not actually know where the now-memetic “evil is defeated” image comes from, so here you go.

This just makes me want the context more. 

when they designed the lieutenant's uniforms in the 1780s they made the lapels white. to better indicate where to grab your lieutenants

this changed with the advent of the double breasted design in the 1810s: the new uniforms were worn buttoned up. lieutenant grabbing practices declined in correlation. causation cannot be proven but may, regrettably, be assumed.

good thing they didnt have Grindr during the age of sail imagine coming into range of the enemy and in the tense quiet before the storm all your officers' phones go off

"Mr Pullings, hard a' larboard and silence that Grindr alert, if you please. You too, Mr Allen. And you, Mr Nagel. And you, Captain Howard. And- Really, Stephen?"

sometimes i think love triangles should be resolved by polyamory but badly like everyone’s still mad

I think instrumence should be free for those who are pure of heart

u should be able to put ur hand down and let the instrument sniff u and if it smells a beautiful quality in ur heart and spirit that's ur instrument now. stray tumpet follow you home.. bwaa

like what if i go to the kitchen at night to get some water and an underwater cave system is there

hey guysss so unfortunately the rumors are true and im leaving the narrative. Buttt the good news is my absence will create such a gaping hole in your lives that it will become a sort of presence itself, and so in a way it will kind of be like i never left! But i am. Leaving just to be clear.

cake is such an underappreciated band. i can’t believe we brought back low rise flare jeans before we brought back cake in the top 40

i’m just saying cake’s music would be widely regarded as so sexy if it wasn’t for all the mariachi horns and vibraslap and the vocalist didn’t always sound like he was explaining his suicide plans to a gun store clerk in sacramento. the world wasn’t ready for them

The fact that it sounds like a dispassionate reading of a terrorist manifesto is a feature

You listen to cake to experience the feeling of “oh! There’s something wrong with you ❤️”

They’re a beautiful blend of cynicism and of hopeful love, playful, risky. They pair well with Morphine (the band).